A note about this page's anti-oppression politics, and an update to page rules

This page is always and forever anti-racist, anti-oppression, and intersectionally feminist.

Hello! If you’re surprised to be hearing from me on a Wednesday, it’s because I have a bunch of new subscribers, and it’s time for a reminder about the rules, mission, and philosophy of this page.

In the past week, I have had two people contact me repeatedly through multiple channels, despite my clear boundaries asking for an end to such contact, to tell me how abusive I am and how much they hate me.

They weren’t incels or entitled sexist men.

They were women who consider themselves feminists. In one case, I had banned the commenter for making aggressively fatphobic statements across numerous channels. In the other, a poster had, even after I instructed her to stop, left endless paragraphs talking about her hatred of trans people (while simultaneously denying that they exist) on my page.

It was a potent reminder that people can identify as progressives, as radicals, as feminists, and still have a lot of horrifying beliefs. And that people can read my content for months, even years, and still think that their bigoted nonsense will be accepted here.

So this is a reminder: This is an anti-oppression, intersectional feminist space.

All people are welcome here. It’s not just for women, or feminists, or for people who identify as political radicals. You do not have to agree with me on everything, or anything. You can think I’m wrong about things. You can tell me I’m wrong about things, because sometimes I am. I expect to be held accountable.

But I will not allow this space to become a place where the humanity of anyone, where anyone’s right to freedom, to self-definition, to safety, is up for debate. And I will never prioritize the hurt feelings of a comparatively privileged group over the well-being of a marginalized one. I don’t care if it makes you sad to be told that your views are racist, sexist, or oppressive. I care that those racist, sexist, or oppressive views harm others.

A few specific reminders:

• Don’t post racist shit. Don’t defend racist shit. Don’t talk about the “humanity” of racists, or how they deserve our compassion. Racists have quite enough compassion in this world; the people they hate do not.

• If someone says you are saying something that harms them, believe them.

• Trans people are real and exist, and deserve the full range of human experiences and safety, whether you like this fact or not. Trans children now face the reality of being literally kidnapped from their families in some states because of anti-trans bigotry. I don’t care how you fucking feel about trans people. As long as trans kids are being kidnapped, and killed, and killing themselves at disproportionate rates, that needs to be the priority.

• Fatphobia is real. I don’t care if you don’t like fat people, or you think other people have an obligation to be attractive to you. No one owes you health. No one owes you looking the way you think they should. There will be no fatphobia here.

• Ableism is unacceptable. Blaming abusive behavior on mental illness is a form of ableism, and it is a nope.

• Men don’t need you to defend them here.

• The criminal justice system has a long history of victimizing people. This victimization is real, serious, and matters.

• Poverty is the product of harmful systems, not personal failures.

• Children are people, not objects, and their feelings and needs matter even when that’s inconvenient to adults.

I want people to be able to learn here. But never at the expense of others.

If you post something problematic, I’ll tell you. If what you say is actively harmful, I’ll tell you and then remove the comment. People who persist with abusive content will be banned.

You can whine all you want about being “silenced.” Ideas that harm others will not find an outlet on this page.

I would rather lose subscribers and have people dislike me than ever build a community that makes people feel unsafe or devalued. Feminism must be an inclusive, intersectional movement that values the humanity of all.

A special note about your anti-racist ‘journey’

A plea to my fellow white women, as a white woman who both fucks up and who knows that acknowledging and owning those fuck ups without demanding compassion or forgiveness is the only way to get better:

Please stop using your anti-racist “journey” as an excuse for racist behavior and a shield against criticism.

Here’s the kind of rhetoric I keep hearing from us:

• “We’re on an anti-racism journey, and let those among us who have not ever been racist cast the first stones.”

• “The anti-racism journey is never complete, and white women deserve compassion as we work to do better.”

• “We all make mistakes on our anti-racist journey, and if we’re met with nothing but abuse, we can’t learn or change.”

Nope. Nopety nope nopers.

This kind of language most commonly comes up when white women say something racist and harmful, and then other people—sometimes other white women, often BIPOC women—call their harmful behavior, well, harmful. Rather than apologizing or even just shutting the fuck up, instead what often happens is that these women center themselves in the discussion, talking about their hurt feelings and their journey.

Anti-racism is not a journey of personal enlightenment and betterment. It’s not some New Age practice you get to study for fun and praise. It is a matter of life and death.

You don’t become anti-racist to be a better person, or as a means of self-fulfillment. You don’t become anti-racist to feel good about yourself, or so you can claim you’re not racist.

You become anti-racist so you can make the world a better and less violent place. And if that’s really your goal, then the journey you’re on and the compassion you demand for it should be totally irrelevant.

It’s not about you. It’s not about us.

Racism is violence.

I expect that, as a white women indoctrinated from birth in a racist society, this racist violence lives in me, and may bubble out—especially if I am not mindful of it and working to fix it.

But I do not expect grace, or compassion, or kindness when I commit an act of violence.

Neither should you.

The fact that so many of us feel entitled to prioritize our ignorant-ass journeys over the actual lives of actual BIPOC people is powerful evidence that many white women still don’t see BIPOC people as human beings who matter, and still don’t see racism as the violence it is. It’s just a silly little oops! A social faux pas.

I’m not the first person to point this out, of course, but this sort of racist bullshit has been bubbling up a bit on my page lately. “White women deserve a chance!” “We’re all trying to learn here!” “Everyone deserves compassion!” Blah fucking blah. This is not how I’m going to allow people to treat others in the comment section here on Substack, on Facebook, or in any group I moderate.

If you don’t like that, it’s because you care more about the big feelings of racists* than you do about ending racism.

Which is, of course, racism.

*Yes, the correct term for a white person who says or does something racist is racist. Even if they’re “doing their best” or “on a journey” or whatever other mealy-mouthed therapy-speak they want to weaponize.