Controversial relationship tips that can actually improve your life

Popular relationship advice often gives women a formula for misery and servitude. Here's the advice I would replace it with.

This week, I’m running a big sale on paid membership, and also offering a new exclusive pack of stickers in celebration of the announcement of my book, The Wife Appliance, which will be out next year. Learn more about the book and the sale here.

I’ve been with my husband for 17 years. We share everything equitably. He’s a great father. I’ve never had to beg him to do household labor or to be a decent parent, and he’s regularly on my podcast judging other men for their weakness and failure as partners and people.

It sounds like I’m bragging. I hate the brand of feminism that upholds a single healthy relationship as some sort of aspirational good, and I hate it even more when we hinge how much we listen to and respect a woman on how good her relationship is. So I’m always reluctant to write about my relationship.

I’m also deeply skeptical of relationship advice, because most such advice assumes that both people are working to build something good, that each wants to give and receive, and that abuse is an anomaly rather than the norm. The truth is that heterosexual marriage is a primary driver of women’s inequality. We need to be encouraging women to get out, not telling them how to get better or more from men.

And still. People ask me all the time what a happy marriage looks like. They’ve never seen one, never had one, and can’t imagine being with someone who treats them with decency. I’ve published lots about feminist marriages over the years, so this is not that. Instead, I thought I’d share the controversial relationship advice that I absolutely, 100% believe.