Amen. When my ex realized I was serious about leaving, he told me to think for myself, not swallow what my friends were telling me. I told him I *was* thinking for myself, and that’s why I was rejecting his attempts to impose his perspective on me.
My friend tells me things about her husband like this. I listen with understanding but I no longer let my righteous anger enter the private conversation with her because she’s still beneath his veil of control. I just ask her questions until she magically comes to the proper conclusions on her own. He always says “did Becky say that? Okay Becky! You know she’s probably just jealous right? She was with an asshole and now all of us men all assholes!” But what she says to him are her feelings, her ideas. I’m the catalyst or the muse perhaps but these are her convictions. He always convinces her otherwise!
However, on occasion he does this childish thing where he will interrupt her conversation and talk really loud in the background so I can hear him. I’m usually on speaker so to my delight he can hear me as well! He’s always attempting to sound very intelligent and superior and his intention is to make her feel shame, feel stupid and shut her down so her sense of self worth doesn’t gain momentum. He tries to mansplain and do the same to me to tarnish my credibility with her. It’s so annoying but it gives me the opportunity to address him directly and to reply to him in the very same tone as what you wrote. It prevents him from using me as a reason for her increased resilience to his manipulation. He back-peddles and then tries to make it seem like I misunderstood him. No MF I heard you very clearly so be the tough guy you claim and take the hit instead of splitting into your poor misunderstood victim persona. After I put him in his place he will send her a text along the lines of “don’t worry, when I’m gone I’m sure your wife will make you happy.” SNORE! So predicable. Apparently I’m her clementine. She tells me that it bothers him that I dislike him so much. I explain that I dislike how he treats her. I dislike how he talks about women in general. I can’t make her see that it really bothers him that his misogynistic, Magneto mind fucking bullshit doesn’t work on me and I am a perceived threat to its powers over her. Im not emotionally invested. I don’t get tripped up with him in conversation. I’m also hypersensitive to that shit after being in her shoes for a decade and escaping the same scenario.
Hopefully your reader will trust her gut, gain the confidence she needs to stand firm in her beliefs and not let his manipulation tactics throw her off.
Amen. When my ex realized I was serious about leaving, he told me to think for myself, not swallow what my friends were telling me. I told him I *was* thinking for myself, and that’s why I was rejecting his attempts to impose his perspective on me.
My ex "never had an issue with me.” So...why's she your ex, bud? 🤣🤣🤣
Also, I'm The Best Feminist according to someone you don't know and don't get to talk to.
My friend tells me things about her husband like this. I listen with understanding but I no longer let my righteous anger enter the private conversation with her because she’s still beneath his veil of control. I just ask her questions until she magically comes to the proper conclusions on her own. He always says “did Becky say that? Okay Becky! You know she’s probably just jealous right? She was with an asshole and now all of us men all assholes!” But what she says to him are her feelings, her ideas. I’m the catalyst or the muse perhaps but these are her convictions. He always convinces her otherwise!
However, on occasion he does this childish thing where he will interrupt her conversation and talk really loud in the background so I can hear him. I’m usually on speaker so to my delight he can hear me as well! He’s always attempting to sound very intelligent and superior and his intention is to make her feel shame, feel stupid and shut her down so her sense of self worth doesn’t gain momentum. He tries to mansplain and do the same to me to tarnish my credibility with her. It’s so annoying but it gives me the opportunity to address him directly and to reply to him in the very same tone as what you wrote. It prevents him from using me as a reason for her increased resilience to his manipulation. He back-peddles and then tries to make it seem like I misunderstood him. No MF I heard you very clearly so be the tough guy you claim and take the hit instead of splitting into your poor misunderstood victim persona. After I put him in his place he will send her a text along the lines of “don’t worry, when I’m gone I’m sure your wife will make you happy.” SNORE! So predicable. Apparently I’m her clementine. She tells me that it bothers him that I dislike him so much. I explain that I dislike how he treats her. I dislike how he talks about women in general. I can’t make her see that it really bothers him that his misogynistic, Magneto mind fucking bullshit doesn’t work on me and I am a perceived threat to its powers over her. Im not emotionally invested. I don’t get tripped up with him in conversation. I’m also hypersensitive to that shit after being in her shoes for a decade and escaping the same scenario.
Hopefully your reader will trust her gut, gain the confidence she needs to stand firm in her beliefs and not let his manipulation tactics throw her off.