How can I learn to like being single? Feminist Advice Friday paid subscriber bonus

A reader worries that they're missing out on all the benefits of being in a couple.

A reader asks…

My question is how to deal with what feels like humiliation (and frankly, inconvenience) being a single woman of a certain age. My relationship is ending and I feel SO embarrassed to be single and mid-30s. I feel judged and found unworthy by society. Situations are awkward. 

Outside of personal embarrassment, our society is built for couples, from tax breaks to trip planning to celebrations, and more. As part of a couple, I’ve felt accepted and welcomed into both professional and social spaces so much more. Literally, I have bosses who are way more chummy because we can talk relationships. (And as a childless woman, thank God I have a niece to talk about - bosses with kids are way more friendly once I bring her up). 

I realize that this social pressure and very real benefits of being in a couple keeps me in relationships I shouldn’t always be in. And that’s no good. How do I deal with being single and really embarrassed, and honestly, afraid to face the hellscape of American capitalism/political chaos without a romantic partner? I want to make choices about partnering from a place of strength, not fear and embarrassment. 

I think if we had a society built more on community and friendship, I wouldn’t feel this way. And while I strive to build and maintain those things, I find it increasingly difficult, especially as people pair off. 

Thank you for the work you do! It has really changed my perspective.