Banning children from public spaces is inherently sexist (paid subscriber bonus)

Banning children is often really about banning mothers. And even when it's not, child bans disproportionately harm mothers.

One of the most contentious recent debates I’ve gotten into was over child-free spaces. Suddenly self-proclaimed feminists were attacking me, telling me my second daughter deserved to die, going to my personal page and insulting my family, and so much more. My crime? Saying that child-free spaces are sexist.

The rage with which women are routinely met when they assert that they should be allowed to take their children out in public is compelling evidence of the rage against mothers that simmers just beneath the surface of most discourse. Step out of line, demand anything for your children, insist that you and your children have a right to take up space, and you will be punished.

Children, like many other groups, have a unique combination of behaviors and needs. And children, like many other groups, are an integral part of public life. Each child is different, and it’s reasonable to have certain behavioral expectations that make it impossible for some children to participate in some activities. But banning children as a group relies on the same stereotypes and the same hostility that banning any other group would.

Moreover, children are an integral part of our human community, and building healthy communities requires allowing children generally to participate.

We were all children once, and children need a variety of experiences to become adults. A meaningful sense of community requires the presence of children. But perhaps most importantly, banning children is inherently sexist. In a sexist society, women are the primary caretakers of children. Childcare is often inaccessible (and even when it is, women pay for it, further economically disadvantaging them). Kicking children out means kicking mothers out, too. And most people who want to ban children know this. In many cases, they’re quite explicit about it.

Hatred of children is really about hatred of mothers. And when you ban children, you also ban mothers, who comprise the majority of women. That’s misogyny.