I regret having children. How do I cope? Feminist Advice Friday paid subscriber bonus
A reader wonders how to live a better life, in spite of the toll having children has taken
A reader asks…
I would like to ask you how to navigate the deep regret I have of having kids. I'm a mother of three and deeply regret having so many children (an elder one and a couple of twins). Parenthood is incredibly challenging and I often feel I don't have time to enjoy life as a couple with my husband or to enjoy personal time.
I work as a teacher, take care of the kids (16 and 11), and at the end of each day my husband and I are so exhausted we aren't able to spend quality time together.
We slept childfree for the last time 8 years ago (we went to a hotel in our neighbourhood), and we hardly ever have sex. I really don't know what to do . I don't think my husband is as regretful as I am and we share the household equally. I am also worried for my children because I think they may start to feel my regret. I tried to find a carer in 2020 to go away for a couple weekend but then the pandemic hit badly and we couldn't go anywhere.
I don't know if my feelings are "normal" and I can't talk about therm with anyone, I don't have friends or relatives who could really understand, my husband is aware of my feelings but he has never given any solution.
Thanks for reading me. I would be grateful if you have advice for me.