Is it really true that none of us are responsible for other people's feelings? Feminist Advice Friday paid subscriber bonus
A reader wonders if we need to take self-help literature literally, and how to tel when we are responsible for another person's emotions.
A reader asks…
A lot of my reading is telling me about how I am not responsible for other people's feelings. Which I understand, I think.
But my issue is that when I turn that around I understand it as my partner is not responsible for my feelings. And when he is making me feel sad, upset or angry I just don't understand it. The things he says and the way he says things are sometimes really awful - how is this not his responsibility? How is that my issue that they are my feelings and not his problem?
I've tried to set boundaries in how he speaks to me, to walk away when he's shouting at me and ask to revisit the "discussion" another time but he just follows/shouts louder/can't let it go until I cry or start shouting back. Everything I bring up, I do worse, I do as well. etc. Nothing ever gets resolved. And I am angry a lot of the time! Is he really not responsible for any of these emotions?