My husband says he's going to change. Now what? Feminist Advice Friday paid subscriber bonus

A reader's husband has offered amends and wants to do better, but she can't get past her resentment.

A reader asks…

I'm in the same inequitable partnership as the majority of heterosexual couples, inclusive of prior sexual coercion. I took a big step and communicated all this to my husband, and he was genuinely remorseful and is already taking action to change.

After the initial relief of communicating all this to him, I can't bring myself to feel anything positive even with his efforts. I'm just kind of stuck in resentment. Assuming he is genuinely repentant and is making changes, how realistic is it to forgive and fall back in love with someone who has assaulted, oppressed and exploited you? Are there success stories from the community you could share? Anecdotes on how it was achieved? Example of what making amends really looks like (which he offered to do without me prompting)?

I know you can't make my decision for me and maybe this is too personal and you can't answer. But I needed to ask someone, this is just a confusing place to be. I know I don't owe him a relationship but I do want to respect myself by making this decision thoughtfully. Everything I've encountered so far says to just focus on the positive like giving him compliments, which is not helpful. But having to potentially be the one to light the match that implodes our lives and our kids' lives because I can't move forward even though he is on track to be the equitable partner I was looking for, just feels unfair. Although I know it would be unfair to all of us if I remained with that partner if it turned out I didn't love him anymore. Sigh. 

Thanks for reading and considering my situation. I really appreciate all that you have written, it has made me feel seen and validated in a way I've never been before by anyone in my life.