Scheduled sex is coerced sex. Here's why.
Scheduled sex is a way of circumventing sexual boundaries
A lot of heterosexual men are lying to themselves about sex. They claim to want more of it, yet refuse to do anything to actually make their partners want to fuck them.
What do they do instead?
They put sex on a calendar, and create yet another in a long list of obligations for their partners. Sex is just another thing he’s outsourced to her to manage. How very sexy.
The results are predictably terrible.
“I don’t want to have sex with my husband because the sex is bad (or painful), he’s mean to me, he doesn’t pull his weight around the house, and [insert two or three other reasons, usually centering around hygiene, emotional abuse, and financial control]. But my husband just asked me if we can put sex back on the calendar.”
My support group and inbox are both filled with questions about scheduled sex. I’m not referring to the busy couple who pencils in some weekly time together as a reminder to reconnect. There’s nothing wrong with this. I’m talking about scheduled sex as an obligation—and as a way to circumvent enthusiastic, spontaneous consent.
Lots of men—and unfortunately, nearly as many couples counselors—think scheduled sex is a great way to combat sexless relationships. The problem is that scheduling sex does nothing to address the underlying reasons a couple isn’t having sex.