Subscriber chat: What is a high-value man?
A monthly chat for subscribers. This month, we discuss what women actually value in men--and why the self-proclaimed alpha bros have it all wrong.
Welcome to this month’s subscriber chat! If you’re new around here, I publish a subscriber chat on the second Friday of every month. This is the place to discuss anything and everything that’s on your mind. It’s also the only post that’s open to comments from anyone—not just paid subscribers.
I host these chats because privacy on social media is lacking. If you comment on my public page, any number of random people could see it, and fight with you about it. Here, you can comment without it showing up in your mother-in-law’s feed, and you don’t even have to use your real name.
Feel free to ask me anything you want, to share feedback on recent work, to submit ideas for future topics—anything that’s on your mind. But I also, as always, have a prompt:
I’ve been listening to Kevin Samuels and Jordan Peterson a lot lately. I like to know what the other side has to say, and I believe these nincompoops and people like them offer a clear window into the mind of worthless men.
What I’ve been most struck by is how lacking in substance they both are. Peterson’s brand seems mostly to have been built on how he dresses and his body language, not any real intellectual heft. And Samuels “worked in marketing” before coming out of nowhere as a misogynistic celebrity.
They both agree that some men have more value than other men, and that this value hinges on the characteristics men care about, not women.
For the most part, their followers (and men generally) aren’t actually interested in gaining women’s respect. It’s men they want to romance. That’s why they spend so much time obsessing over what men like Peterson and Samuels think.
But what if we asked women how men can be more appealing to them? What if men were interested in romance with women, not pseudointellectual father figures?
What does a high value man mean to you? What characteristics do you look for when dating someone? What gives a man his value?
A high value man needs to be able to meet my emotional needs and not be afraid to express or acknowledge his own. He also needs to be aware of and acknowledge male privilege and work to open the eyes of other men to that. A high value man is not afraid to be equitable when it comes to household labor and parenting and doesn't automatically value his career over mine. The first time he mansplains or dismisses an emotional injury he caused, he's out with the trash. A high value man does not have a preoccupation with looking like the "alpha" or big billy badass to other men. Oh, and I melt at the sight of dads who are unfazed that their 4 year old son wanted to wear nail polish and wish more than anything that my own son had that kind of love from his dad.
It’s probably the bare minimum which is really sad but a high value man to me would be someone with more emotional intelligence than a stale piece of bread. A man that naturally wants to be around and actually enjoy the family they create. I feel like a lot of men treat their partners and kids like they are burdens. Someone who isn’t just my partner but my friend as well. Being able to talk to man without the worry of being invalidated or dismissed. A man that isn’t afraid of therapy 🙄 or their own emotions. Men who don’t make everything about sex and aren’t obsessed with “corn”. God this really does sound like the bare minimum.