The myth of the hysterical woman in a world of hyper-emotional and violent men (paid subscriber bonus)

How I ended up fleeing my mom’s house when men with guns showed up, and everyone still thought I was a hysterical overreacting woman

This is part of a twice-monthly series for paid subscribers. In this series, I talk more about my personal life, and tie it back to feminist themes. I keep this work behind a paywall to retain a bit more control over my privacy.

My mom died when I was pregnant with my now-baby.

Last year, as my brother and I were cleaning out her house, we hired some movers to help us clear out the bigger stuff. I had just had a baby and was worried about COVID, especially at a moment where almost no one was masking in a city that was having a major surge.

So our agreement was that I would hire the movers and stop by to make sure everything was ok, and my brother would go in with them to the house to supervise them. The movers knew this. This becomes relevant later.

Things were weird from the moment they showed up. They didn’t have a truck, for one thing. Instead, an additional mover whom we didn’t hire showed up with a U-Haul. And they were all visibly armed with multiple guns. Had I been alone, I would have left, but I was outside and my brother is a big guy and a gun collector, so I decided to let him supervise them. “If I were going to strange people’s houses, maybe I’d carry a gun, too,” I told myself.

I was a rape crisis counselor in college. I’ve spent my entire career writing about sexism and violence against women. Every day, I remind women to listen to their intuition, and to never give violent men the benefit of the doubt.

It didn’t matter. I was already looking for a way to explain away red flags.