The One Tip That May Actually Work for Getting More Household Equality

And if it doesn't, you'll know exactly where you stand

Household chore inequality is not an accident. It’s a system designed to disadvantage women and privilege men. And it’s not a trivial concern. It prevents women from achieving fully at work, from resting, from tending to their own emotional and physical needs, and ultimately, from living up to their full potential.

This is why I get so angry when I see advice columnists suggesting that a chore audit, or a to-do list, or more reminders will somehow make household inequality a reality. They won’t. This is not a time management problem. Men are not stupid and incapable. They know what’s going on, and they know they have a great deal. This is why they are so resistant to changing things. It’s why men react to discussions of household equality with anger and defensiveness, rather than remorse.

They know what they are doing.

Mainstream advice makes things worse, not better. Because we tell women to be patient, to be grateful for any tiny help they get, to not nag, and to never, ever make household labor an unpleasant and uncomfortable subject for their partners.

It’s fine for women to be exhausted and stressed. It’s fine for them to be constantly miserable about household labor. But they mustn’t dare allow men to feel even the smallest shred of that stress.

Because men are people, and their feelings matter.

There’s an alternative approach that can work for some couples, though.