The utter bullshit of love languages
“It’s just my love language to not do anything, make you do everything, and then demand sex,” said every shitty man ever.
We all show love in different ways, and the ways we prefer to receive love vary, too. This is not a profound insight. But the Love Languages industry has turned this insight into something men easily weaponize against women, and yet another tool male partners use to avoid meeting their partners’ needs.
Post anything at all about a shitty male partner online, and at least one person will remind you that maybe he has a different love language. Somehow, the way he prefers to express himself becomes an excuse for everything, and the way the woman prefers to express herself (or to be loved) doesn’t matter at all.
Here’s what weaponizing love languages sounds like:
“Gifts aren’t my love language, so I can’t be expected to celebrate you on Mother’s Day.”
“My love language is sex. So I can’t feel loved without sex, and can’t show you love until I get sex.”
“Acts of service aren’t my love language, so I don’t perceive all the work you do as loving, and I don’t do more work around the house myself.”
“Your love language is acts of service, and that’s why you do most of the work around here.”
The concept of love languages is the brainchild of a fundamentalist Christian preacher who believes in a gendered division of labor and whose published works are rife with sexism, homophobia, and demeaning comments about women. No wonder this unscientific bullshit has been so effectively weaponized against women demanding more from their relationships.
So how do men, couples counselors, and society weaponize this bullshit against women? And what can you do about it?