The Weapons Sexist Men Use in Fights: "We just have different standards!"

You don't have different standards. It's just that he thinks he shouldn't have to do household labor to any reasonable objective standard.

This is part of a new paid subscriber-only feature identifying and deconstructing the arguments sexist men use in fights with women—mostly in fights with partners, but sometimes in arguments online, with bosses, colleagues, and other women who question them. The experiences women have with men in private are as much collective experiences as they are individual ones. Men inevitably bring male privilege to their relationships. And men who do not actively work on their own sexism will weaponize it in fights. Politics are personal, and they influence our closest relationships.

Identifying sexist patterns in relationships is incredibly important for pushing back. If you have additional arguments you’d like to hear me deconstruct, please leave them in the comments!

One of the big changes our generation has seen is that it’s no longer socially acceptable to say, “I actually think my wife should do all the parenting and housework because she’s a woman and that’s her role.” And you definitely can’t say, “I deserve to relax at the end of my day and my wife doesn’t because women’s needs just don’t matter as much, and women’s work doesn’t count (even when it’s paid work).”

In many ways, it was easier to confront sexist men when they did say shit like this.

Instead, like the cowering slobs they are, they hide their sexism in the language of faux equality.

“It’s not that I think you should do all the work! We just have different standards!”

This also sounds like:

• “Dads just parent differently!”

• “You’re practicing maternal gatekeeping!”

• “You won’t let me try!”

• “Every time I try, you tell me it’s wrong!”

• “You don’t get to set the standards for everything.”