The first thing I learned from this is that I need to change how I respond. I'm going from: "The majority of men I know, and men in general are a constant source of disappointment. I no longer believe they are worthy of the rights and privileges they've afforded themselves" to: "I don't hate men, I have a father. One of my best friends is a guy." Simple, easy, and something they will all recognize.
I agree that it is selfishness. And until a man sees that, and decides to change, the only thing women can do it to be selfish ourselves, putting ourselves first or at least what we want first.
It’s like arguing with a 3 year old. You try to use logic, teaching when possible, but sometimes you just have to say “no” and stop talking.
It all comes down to power and control…and greed…every time…misogyny, sexism, racism, capitalism, extremism of all forms…and it all interplays to give us the shitfest of our lives…
Peace and love is only really possible when you release the need for power and control…very difficult in most of our societies…
I think there’s an important caveat to your statement. What we need to release is the pursuit of power and control over others. We should keep power and control over ourselves.
Hi Zawn, happy new year - this comment isn’t in answer to this column but I thought you might be more inclined to see it here.
I am a paid subscriber and a huge fan - I read everything, listen to the pod, watch the lives, all of which I’ve known about because of your substack email alerts.
I followed your insta page the same day I found you.
And yet, tonight is the first time one of your insta posts has ever turned up on my insta feed.
I’m thinking bad thoughts about the algorithm and just wanted to let you know, in case it’s useful.
You’ve taught me so much in the time I’ve been a subscriber and I’m so grateful.
I was listening to a Clementine Ford audiobook today, and between the two of you I have found the education and deprogramming I so badly needed.
Even AI and many relationship advice websites reflect a patriarchal view. When I Google how to deal with anything that involves male abusive behaviour, I just get the same old thing: learn to listen, learn commpassion for his point of view, communicate your needs, set boundaries, use I statements etc etc. Don't they think I've tried all this already? I'm an emotionally intelligent woman. I know how to treat another human being. The problem is that he cant be arsed or doesn't seem care to treat me with the same respect! Why is all the advice aimed at women making all the effort for a man who chooses to behave badly!? There's no sense of the man taking any responsibility for his actions or having to deal with the consequences.
Male culture ranks ascendancy and power over others as a core value and a good in itself. Male culture is inherently cynical and that cynicism is what allows them to use every single person they meet. They believe that is what everyone else is doing which is what allows them to believe they are good while exploiting everyone they can. That’s one of the roots of their fear of feminism and of racial equality. They think women and people of colour are attempting to gain leverage and power over them. This is also why they feel zero guilt for exploiting their partners. That’s how they think everyone is. This explains why they feel their intentions matter so very much. If your intention wasn’t to exploit someone then you must be better than most people because you know their intention absolutely is exploitation so the outcome is less important than the interior disposition.
Here is an elevator statement to the question: “why does patriarchy hurt men?” It stunts them morally and emotionally. They grow up believing they are each automatically entitled to their own woman-slave (a wife/girlfriend) just like good old dad and grandpa, etc. Now increasingly women want nothing to do with them because as Zawn says so eloquently in her columns, we have come to understand that we don’t need them and we are better off without them. Mens’ entitled outrage at their own obsolescence drives them to violence against women. Increasingly they are extending this violence beyond individual women to a bunch of folks at the mall or some kids and teachers, etc and the next thing you know, they not only do not get a woman-slave, they wind up behind bars. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars, go straight to jail.
The first thing I learned from this is that I need to change how I respond. I'm going from: "The majority of men I know, and men in general are a constant source of disappointment. I no longer believe they are worthy of the rights and privileges they've afforded themselves" to: "I don't hate men, I have a father. One of my best friends is a guy." Simple, easy, and something they will all recognize.
I agree that it is selfishness. And until a man sees that, and decides to change, the only thing women can do it to be selfish ourselves, putting ourselves first or at least what we want first.
It’s like arguing with a 3 year old. You try to use logic, teaching when possible, but sometimes you just have to say “no” and stop talking.
It all comes down to power and control…and greed…every time…misogyny, sexism, racism, capitalism, extremism of all forms…and it all interplays to give us the shitfest of our lives…
Peace and love is only really possible when you release the need for power and control…very difficult in most of our societies…
I think there’s an important caveat to your statement. What we need to release is the pursuit of power and control over others. We should keep power and control over ourselves.
Hi Zawn, happy new year - this comment isn’t in answer to this column but I thought you might be more inclined to see it here.
I am a paid subscriber and a huge fan - I read everything, listen to the pod, watch the lives, all of which I’ve known about because of your substack email alerts.
I followed your insta page the same day I found you.
And yet, tonight is the first time one of your insta posts has ever turned up on my insta feed.
I’m thinking bad thoughts about the algorithm and just wanted to let you know, in case it’s useful.
You’ve taught me so much in the time I’ve been a subscriber and I’m so grateful.
I was listening to a Clementine Ford audiobook today, and between the two of you I have found the education and deprogramming I so badly needed.
Forever in your debt, much aroha.
Even AI and many relationship advice websites reflect a patriarchal view. When I Google how to deal with anything that involves male abusive behaviour, I just get the same old thing: learn to listen, learn commpassion for his point of view, communicate your needs, set boundaries, use I statements etc etc. Don't they think I've tried all this already? I'm an emotionally intelligent woman. I know how to treat another human being. The problem is that he cant be arsed or doesn't seem care to treat me with the same respect! Why is all the advice aimed at women making all the effort for a man who chooses to behave badly!? There's no sense of the man taking any responsibility for his actions or having to deal with the consequences.
Male culture ranks ascendancy and power over others as a core value and a good in itself. Male culture is inherently cynical and that cynicism is what allows them to use every single person they meet. They believe that is what everyone else is doing which is what allows them to believe they are good while exploiting everyone they can. That’s one of the roots of their fear of feminism and of racial equality. They think women and people of colour are attempting to gain leverage and power over them. This is also why they feel zero guilt for exploiting their partners. That’s how they think everyone is. This explains why they feel their intentions matter so very much. If your intention wasn’t to exploit someone then you must be better than most people because you know their intention absolutely is exploitation so the outcome is less important than the interior disposition.
Here is an elevator statement to the question: “why does patriarchy hurt men?” It stunts them morally and emotionally. They grow up believing they are each automatically entitled to their own woman-slave (a wife/girlfriend) just like good old dad and grandpa, etc. Now increasingly women want nothing to do with them because as Zawn says so eloquently in her columns, we have come to understand that we don’t need them and we are better off without them. Mens’ entitled outrage at their own obsolescence drives them to violence against women. Increasingly they are extending this violence beyond individual women to a bunch of folks at the mall or some kids and teachers, etc and the next thing you know, they not only do not get a woman-slave, they wind up behind bars. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars, go straight to jail.