Is abuse the normal state of heterosexual relationships? My survey says yes.
It's so much worse than most people realize.
What are relationships with men actually like for women? No one seems to know, and very few people seem to care. Surveys of relationships typically ask whether a woman is in a relationship, and whether she is happy, because all we collectively care about is getting women into relationships with men.
Occasionally, these surveys ask a question or two about abuse and violence. But the results can be misleading (as the results of my own survey will soon show), because women are socialized from birth to protect their partners’ reputations and to not recognize abuse for what it is.
I maintain—and both my experience and the little available data support this notion—that relationships with men remain the single most dangerous thing most women can do. Women deserve to know that they are not alone, and that negative experiences are the norm. They deserve to know the risk they take when they commit to relationships with men.
This survey is my attempt at showing what relationships with men are really like, and what the cumulative effect of these relationships often is. On average, women reported having been abused by 12 men over the course of their lives. This is a crisis.
This survey involved hours upon hours of work. I am able to do this work solely because of paid subscribers. If you are able to subscribe to support this work, I hope you will.
I’m doing an end-of-summer flash sale now through Saturday, August 23. The sale offers a discount off of paid membership, as well as free merch to any new subscribers (as well as to subscribers who purchase gifts for others).
To get the discount, you must create a NEW subscription. If you unsubscribe from your paid account to subscribe at the lower rate, you will not get the promotion. It counts as a new subscription if you are currently an unpaid subscriber, even if you have previously been paid.
As a reminder, paid subscribers get access to all pay walled articles, as well as access to the Liberating Motherhood support group, and the ability to comment on all articles.
You can use this offer for yourself, or for as many gifts to others as you want.
New subscribers—only new paid subscribers—are also eligible for free merch! Simply put your mailing address in the subscriber notes, or email it to zawn@zawn.net. There’s some really awesome stuff—like, stuff I kept for myself—but no clothing, so there’s no need to include sizing information.
Your discount will apply forever, so if my rates increase, yours will not as long as you remain an active subscriber. I will be increasing rates in the new year, so now’s a great time to get a paid subscription.
Here’s a sample of the sort of stickers you can get with a subscription:
