Why do so many men seem to enjoy being disgusting? (paid subscriber bonus)

Hygiene ranks among the top concerns I hear about from my readers. Why do so many men seem to enjoy grossing out their partners?

In the private support group I run, a woman recently shared the story of her husband going about a month without showering, but still expecting her to have sex with him. And that opened the floodgates of male disgustingness.

“My ex didn’t shower and never washed his ass. He insisted on sleeping in the nude and his sheets always had stains on them.

One time he wanted to 69 and there were literal poo flakes near his balls,” one reader told me.

Numerous readers have told me about husbands who think it’s gay to wash or wipe their own butts. About foul-smelling men who wear dirty clothes. About hygiene so poor that it means they get vaginal infections when they have sex with their partners. These men demand immediate postpartum weight loss, 24/7 sex appeal, flawless hair and skin and makeup, but can’t even be bothered to shower.

In my survey on sex in marriage, nearly 22% of women told me that their partner’s hygiene is so bad that it deters them from having sex. I get at least one Feminist Advice Friday question about hygiene per week. In one survey, nearly 60% of men report not knowing how to fully tend to their personal hygiene. And study after study shows that men are significantly more likely than women to neglect basic grooming tasks such as brushing their teeth and washing their hands.

So what’s going on here? And why is it that it’s often the worst groomed, most disgusting men who are also the most critical of women?