5 Reasons I feel hopeful, even in a sexist world

Feminism should offer us a reason for hope. Here are some reasons I feel hopeful about our feminist future.

We live in a world that stigmatizes women’s anger and disappointment. And like other types of stigma, this bias serves a very important purpose: It punishes women for speaking out. It deters us from seeing the personal as political. It shames us for our rational reactions to objectively horrible conditions.

Women’s anger is changing the world. It has always been thus. So don’t let some dingus who smells bad, who can’t figure out how to care for his kids, or who doesn’t know what the clitoris us shame you for your anger. You’re entitled to it. It’s your right in an unjust society.

But anger is also unpleasant, and readers keep telling me that sometimes they need a break from the outrage. This is part of a series I’m calling Reasons for Hope, which offers a break from the rage in favor of something more inspiring.

There are plenty of reasons to feel hopeful about our feminist future. Here are some I like to remind myself of.

Women are becoming more radicalized

I’ve been a feminist my entire life. In third grade, I scandalized my Catholic school by announcing my support for abortion rights. This is who and how I have been for most of my life.

And for most of that time, identifying as a feminist has earned me a lot of rejection and a lot of criticism. Over the past several years, though, reactions to my feminism have become overwhelmingly positive.

When I first began posting my anti-marriage missives on Facebook, I was afraid of how negative the backlash would be. I was shocked to see that the response was nearly unanimously positive—even among women who identify as conservative or traditional. Women are fed the fuck up. And because we’re the majority, that bodes very well.

Research supports the notion that feminism is becoming mainstream.

Sixty-one percent of women now say that the term “feminist” describes them. As recently as 2013, that figure was just 23%.

Sure, some feminism is watered down, or racist, or uncommitted to systematic change. But overwhelmingly, I find that the women I encounter have had enough of the bullshit, and are ready to look for radical solutions to systemic problems. They’re pissed off. They’re not going to take it anymore.

And they’ve already made significant progress. Just 10 years ago, rape and sexual harassment were viewed as trivial issues, or as rarities, in the mainstream press. But then #metoo came along, and now everyone with a functioning brain understands how pervasive abuse is.

Women are rejecting marriage

Women are, more and more, looking at what marriage offers and proclaiming that it’s bullshit. Marriage rates are dramatically falling across the globe. Women initiate 70% of divorces—a figure that climbs to 90% among the most educated women.

Ultimately, the only hope for change is for men to realize that they are unfuckable and unmarriageable as is. When women systematically reject the worst men, things may begin to shift.

The backlash has been intense

Every movement for social justice is swiftly met with a backlash. And often, the intensity of the backlash is a good measure of the strength of the movement it opposes.

The sort of vocal disrespect of women that has become the signature of Andrew Tate, Kevin Samuels, and their low value ilk is now mainstream. It would not have been socially acceptable even a few years ago. Men now admit to intentionally smelling bad, to not wiping their own asses, to being incompetent at sex, all because they are mad at women. Men are so infuriated by the demands we place on them that they’re willing to wave their own inferiority in our faces as a point of pride. This is how desperate we’ve made them.

Men know they’re going to have to step up, which is why they’re devoting so much energy to telling us how unworthy and unmarriageable we are. Don’t threaten us with a good time, losers.

Things are objectively better than they used to be

Things aren’t as good as they should be. We could live in a peaceful, egalitarian world right now if people made better choices.

But the arc of the moral universe really is bending toward justice—slowly, ploddingly, but steadily all the same. Abuse of women is more visible and less acceptable than ever before.

Just a few short decades ago, women couldn’t buy a home or have a credit card without a husband. Bans on job discrimination are relatively new. And bans on discrimination against BIPOC women are newer still. The world has changed massively in a relatively short period of time.

This didn’t happen by magic. Time doesn’t change things. We do.

And as long as women are stepping up to demand change, things will continue getting better.

We can make abuse more visible

The Internet offers incredible power. It’s why you’re reading this newsletter (and how you’ve read everything else I’ve ever written). It’s brought millions of women together. It’s made it possible to make hidden abuse visible, and women have used it for significant good.

Social media has made abuse more visible, creating the illusion that it is increasing. It’s our awareness of abuse that is increasing, not the abuse itself.

The next time you see a terrible story, rather than viewing it as a sign of things getting worse, consider the possibility that the story might have gone unnoticed a few years ago, in a world without social media.

Readers, what are some reasons you feel hopeful about the future?