In every roomful of men, there are multiple abusers. These statistics prove it.

It doesn't have to be all men for men to wage a war on women.

Dating men is statistically the most dangerous thing a woman can do—followed closely by living with and having children with men. The fact that many men see all women as potential romantic partners confirms that just being around men poses a significant danger, too.

In fact, most women I know have a story of a man who saw himself as a romantic prospect getting aggressive, angry, and often violent. Women see it everywhere. Men claim neither to see it nor participate in it. How could this be? One important factor is that men are socialized to see their own abuse as justified, and to view violence against women as not really violence at all.

Until men think and behave differently, women will remain unsafe. It doesn’t have to be this way, but men continue to choose a world where it is, as evidenced by the appalling statistics on male violence I cite in this piece.

The specific statistics each study uncovered vary a bit, as you might expect. But the findings remain incredibly consistent. They show that in any roomful of men, no matter how you define abuse or violence, there will be many men who have engaged in both.

It doesn’t have to be all men or most men for the effects on women to be catastrophic. When a woman is likely to, every single day, interact with an abusive or dangerous man, women can never be safe.

As long as men are more interested in defending other men than they are in standing against abuse, this will never change. Men who tell us it’s not all men or not just men show that their alliance is to men, that manhood is for them wrapped up in defending and justifying abuse, and that they can never be trusted with women. An objection to feminism is always deeply rooted in a man’s own abusive ideology and behavior.

These statistics make clear just how dangerous men as a group can be. I urge men to consider that this is women’s reality:

A quarter of men admit to a sexual interest in children

In a survey of almost 1,000 men, about a quarter self-reported a sexual interest in children. That study reported on previous studies of the subject, which also found an alarmingly high sexual attraction to children among men. Some other data from this review of previous literature includes:

• Roughly half of a sample of young men did not reject the possibility of sexually assaulting a child if they were sure they would not be punished.

• In one of the largest and most robust studies of men to date, 3.2% of men admitted to consuming child sexual assault material or sexually assaulting prepubescent children.

• Eight percent of men reported fantasizing about a child under the age of 15.

Ninety-five percent of men admit to using sexually coercive tactics

In an anonymous survey of American and Canadian men aged 18-34, researchers asked a representative sample of nearly 3,000 men about their sexually coercive behavior with women. They identified sexually coercive strategies such as:

• physically or verbally demanding sex

• isolating a woman

• using alcohol or drugs

• yelling at her or insulting her for saying no

• undressing her when she said no or was not ready

• physically restraining her

• threatening her with harm

Overall, 95% of men reported using at least one sexually coercive strategy, and most reported using multiple coercive tactics on a habitual basis. We have another word for sexual coercion: rape. Coercing someone to have sex they do not want to have is an act of violence, and anyone who suggests otherwise is dangerous.

Nearly 60% of men reported that they “kept touching and kissing” a woman who indicated she didn’t want to or was not ready, and 79% reported telling a woman whatever she wanted to hear. Ten percent confessed to physically overpowering her from the start. Nine percent reported using date rape drugs and a little more than 5% reported using a weapon to intimidate her.

A third of men admit to wanting to rape a woman

In a study of college students, 32% of men said they would force a woman to have sex if they could get away with it—the legal definition of rape. But just 14% said they would “rape” a woman.

Not only does this show that the number of men who would happily engage in rape is high. It also shows that the way researchers phrase a question can cause men not to report their own violent tendencies and preferences. This suggests that studies of violence against women will inevitably under-report the number of men who have actually engaged in such violence.

A third of men have sexually assaulted at least one woman by college graduation

In a study of three cohorts of college-aged men, sexual violence was common. Fourteen percent reported having raped at least one woman by graduation. Thirty-two percent reported having committed at least one sexual assault. According to data cited in this study, overall men self-report a rate of sexual assault perpetration ranging from 22% to 57%.

The study emphasized the role of opportunity, pointing out that sexual predators do not engage in predatory behavior at every possible opportunity. This shows that a positive experience with a man in no way means he is “safe.”

Hostile attitudes toward women and hostile gender role beliefs were significant predictors of sexual violence. That means every angry man commenting on this post has a higher than average risk of sexually predatory behavior, which is of course totally unsurprising.

1 in 5 men admits to assaulting a partner at least once

In a study that asked men about a range of serious acts of violence, such as strangulation and hitting a partner, 19% admitted to having assaulted a partner at least once. Taken in conjunction with other data, which shows that men are unlikely to admit to their own violent behaviors, this suggests the real number is likely much higher.

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