PLEASE take this advice! And Zawn did not even mention what happes to SAHMs in old age. You are so, so, so likely to become a penniless old woman with no security (only half whatever your husband's SS payment is, at best, AND tht only if you stayed married more than ten years). This is well below the poverty line, and you will not be able to revcover from it. I made the dire mistake of quitting my job to be a SAHM. It was a disaster. I was very lucky tht through extremely hard work and sacrifice I was able to escape and have a very delayed career but I paid very high penalities and never made up the ground I lost while raising children; and then my time ran out and I was 65 and ill and had to retire early. Let me tell you, if I had not quit my job, I owuld be in a much, better and safer place.
Be your own best friend, young woman. Work and earn and save in your own accounts and for your own retirement. Because the more than 50% chance is that that man will not be there for you. If he is, there is no harm done that you have your own safety and financial independence (he should actually be glad about that). If he is not glad you have your own financial independence, think that through: what does that mean and why would he not be glad of that?? Is he THAT insecure that he has to have you reliant and dependent on him, so he has all the decision making power in the relationship? Not good. NOT GOOD. Don't do this to yourself. If he loves you, he will also love the independent and financially strong you.
Early widowhood is also a possibility! I'd add setting up a large life insurance policy for the primary wage-earner and a moderate size one for the stay at home parent to the list of things to do.
I was widowed last year. I'm doing well financially (married late, no kids, never stopped working, primary wage-earner etc) and my finances didn't change but a lot of widows are not as lucky.
I made the terrible, yet necessary decision when my child was older and desperately needed my attention and help. And I was completely worn out on working 45+ hours/week while doing 90% of the parenting, homekeeping, family development.
1. I have witnessed other SAHM’s become so broken down that when their children are older they still ferry around them like they did when they were 2 years old. Making every meal for them and snacks all day long etc. These children physically assault, verbally abuse the SAHM using the abuse cycle. It’s really scary.
Bull’s eye! This is necessary reading for all women and needs to be shared with the girls in their lives. The consequences of ignorance are too costly.
Here, we got a year of maternity leave, and with two kids, I ended up feeling like a stay-at-home mom for over two years. My issue is that it benefits society if we stay in that role, not pursuing education or careers that might challenge the norm. In that role, we're seen as dependent and submissive, and that’s how they want us to stay.
Yes, being a mother is hard work, but you also have an identity outside of it. You were someone before kids, and one day, they’ll grow up and leave. Then, you might struggle with finding who you are without them.
Unfortunately, you have to be smart if you want to become a SAHM, hope for the best but plan for the worst.
1. If he dies, becomes seriously injured or loses his job, do you have options, life insurance etc
2. If he decides to leave you, what options do you have ?
3. You MUST have access to money separate from him (in your name alone, in a different bank) for emergencies and also for you own personal life unconnected to the family.
4. Your finances should mirror his, if he has investments in his name, you should too. If he has pension in his name, you should too. A favourite way to share money is joint account to pay for all household and family bills, anything left is split equally and your share is deposited into your separate personal account. If you're the more financially savvy person, you should manage the finances. Under no circumstances should you leave all financial management to him. Doesn't matter if he is a chief accountant or finance guy, you need to be involved in the finances of the family.
5. Your free time should mirror his. After he comes back from work, how do you both share leisure time, ? If he has time in the weekend for solo activities and hobbies, you should to.
6. You must spend time developing interests outside of your role as mother and wife. Could be online courses, hobbies, volunteering, etc for your own sanity, you need to.
7. Know that our kids are individuals. You might decide to sacrifice everything for your child, doesn't mean they will appreciate it., and doesn't mean they will sacrifice for you. They are their own autonomous beings.
8. Prenup/postnup officially written is a must. You should try update every year. You both should know that you're taking a risk, and you want to make sure you and the kids are protected incase he changes.
It's still a very risky business but if you must, then atleast be smart about it.
I’m currently SAHMing. I see this time as a chapter/season/whatever, like going to college. I work two days a week, when my partner is not working, and this has allowed me sanity, a tiny bit of money, and something to grow into a Career when the time comes (my youngest is in school full time next fall).
Something that surprised me about being a SAHM is how much it changed the romantic dynamic of my marriage. I don’t like him as much now that I can’t walk out the door. I didn’t realize my financial independence played a role in my feeling safe enough to love (a man).
We absolutely must talk about the fact that SAHMotherhood is sometimes the best of a host of bad choices.
Not all kids can go to school/daycare. Not all families can even afford school/daycare. Not all mothers can find jobs with enough flexibility to allow them to do necessary parenting tasks in the absence of a social support system. We only have so much time.
PLEASE take this advice! And Zawn did not even mention what happes to SAHMs in old age. You are so, so, so likely to become a penniless old woman with no security (only half whatever your husband's SS payment is, at best, AND tht only if you stayed married more than ten years). This is well below the poverty line, and you will not be able to revcover from it. I made the dire mistake of quitting my job to be a SAHM. It was a disaster. I was very lucky tht through extremely hard work and sacrifice I was able to escape and have a very delayed career but I paid very high penalities and never made up the ground I lost while raising children; and then my time ran out and I was 65 and ill and had to retire early. Let me tell you, if I had not quit my job, I owuld be in a much, better and safer place.
Be your own best friend, young woman. Work and earn and save in your own accounts and for your own retirement. Because the more than 50% chance is that that man will not be there for you. If he is, there is no harm done that you have your own safety and financial independence (he should actually be glad about that). If he is not glad you have your own financial independence, think that through: what does that mean and why would he not be glad of that?? Is he THAT insecure that he has to have you reliant and dependent on him, so he has all the decision making power in the relationship? Not good. NOT GOOD. Don't do this to yourself. If he loves you, he will also love the independent and financially strong you.
I know so many women in this situation, including in my own family. We all do and it's outrageous.
Early widowhood is also a possibility! I'd add setting up a large life insurance policy for the primary wage-earner and a moderate size one for the stay at home parent to the list of things to do.
I was widowed last year. I'm doing well financially (married late, no kids, never stopped working, primary wage-earner etc) and my finances didn't change but a lot of widows are not as lucky.
I made the terrible, yet necessary decision when my child was older and desperately needed my attention and help. And I was completely worn out on working 45+ hours/week while doing 90% of the parenting, homekeeping, family development.
SAHM’s (yes, I did it for a decade)
1. I have witnessed other SAHM’s become so broken down that when their children are older they still ferry around them like they did when they were 2 years old. Making every meal for them and snacks all day long etc. These children physically assault, verbally abuse the SAHM using the abuse cycle. It’s really scary.
IMO the working husband/ partner should also be paying the equivalent superannuation contributions into the SAHM’s super.
Bull’s eye! This is necessary reading for all women and needs to be shared with the girls in their lives. The consequences of ignorance are too costly.
Here, we got a year of maternity leave, and with two kids, I ended up feeling like a stay-at-home mom for over two years. My issue is that it benefits society if we stay in that role, not pursuing education or careers that might challenge the norm. In that role, we're seen as dependent and submissive, and that’s how they want us to stay.
Yes, being a mother is hard work, but you also have an identity outside of it. You were someone before kids, and one day, they’ll grow up and leave. Then, you might struggle with finding who you are without them.
Unfortunately, you have to be smart if you want to become a SAHM, hope for the best but plan for the worst.
1. If he dies, becomes seriously injured or loses his job, do you have options, life insurance etc
2. If he decides to leave you, what options do you have ?
3. You MUST have access to money separate from him (in your name alone, in a different bank) for emergencies and also for you own personal life unconnected to the family.
4. Your finances should mirror his, if he has investments in his name, you should too. If he has pension in his name, you should too. A favourite way to share money is joint account to pay for all household and family bills, anything left is split equally and your share is deposited into your separate personal account. If you're the more financially savvy person, you should manage the finances. Under no circumstances should you leave all financial management to him. Doesn't matter if he is a chief accountant or finance guy, you need to be involved in the finances of the family.
5. Your free time should mirror his. After he comes back from work, how do you both share leisure time, ? If he has time in the weekend for solo activities and hobbies, you should to.
6. You must spend time developing interests outside of your role as mother and wife. Could be online courses, hobbies, volunteering, etc for your own sanity, you need to.
7. Know that our kids are individuals. You might decide to sacrifice everything for your child, doesn't mean they will appreciate it., and doesn't mean they will sacrifice for you. They are their own autonomous beings.
8. Prenup/postnup officially written is a must. You should try update every year. You both should know that you're taking a risk, and you want to make sure you and the kids are protected incase he changes.
It's still a very risky business but if you must, then atleast be smart about it.
I’m currently SAHMing. I see this time as a chapter/season/whatever, like going to college. I work two days a week, when my partner is not working, and this has allowed me sanity, a tiny bit of money, and something to grow into a Career when the time comes (my youngest is in school full time next fall).
Something that surprised me about being a SAHM is how much it changed the romantic dynamic of my marriage. I don’t like him as much now that I can’t walk out the door. I didn’t realize my financial independence played a role in my feeling safe enough to love (a man).
We absolutely must talk about the fact that SAHMotherhood is sometimes the best of a host of bad choices.
Not all kids can go to school/daycare. Not all families can even afford school/daycare. Not all mothers can find jobs with enough flexibility to allow them to do necessary parenting tasks in the absence of a social support system. We only have so much time.