Great post that threads the delicate needle of calling out the problem(s) without blaming the in-process-feminist coaches/therapists. It’s the men who fail to do their fair share of household labor who are at fault, and this post makes it clear. 🙌
It’s all a bunch of BS and women are far too gracious and kind. Again, I’ll leave this quote here from the late and great feminist before us.
‘So the woman hangs on, not with the delicacy of a clinging vine, but with a tenacity incredible in its intensity, to the very persons, institutions, and values that demean her, degrade her, glorify her powerlessness, insist upon constraining and paralyzing the most honest expressions of her will and being. She becomes a lackey, serving those who ruthlessly and effectively aggress against her and her kind. This singularly self-hating loyalty to those committed to her own destruction is the very essence of womanhood as men of all ideological persuasions define it.’
Once we really realize that we as women have the same struggle(s) and you aren’t, different’ is when we will truly make progress. Until then, carry on.
“Right-wing women have surveyed the world: they find it a dangerous place.
They see that work subjects them to more danger from more men; it increases the risk of sexual exploitation.
They see that creativity and originality in their kind are ridiculed; they see women thrown out of the circle of male civilization for having ideas, plans, visions, ambitions.
They see that traditional marriage means selling to one man, not hundreds: the better deal. They see that the streets are cold, and that the women on them are tired, sick, and bruised. They see that the money they can earn will not make them independent of men and that they will still have to play the sex games of their kind: at home and at work too. They see no way to make their bodies authentically their own and to survive in the world of men. They know too that the Left has nothing better to offer: leftist men also want wives and whores; leftist men value whores too much and wives too little.
Right-wing women are not wrong. They fear that the Left, in stressing impersonal sex and promiscuity as values, will make them more vulnerable to male sexual aggression, and that they will be despised for not liking it. They are not wrong. Right-wing women see that within the system in which they live they cannot make their bodies their own, but they can agree to privatized male ownership: keep it one-on-one, as it were. They know that they are valued for their sex— their sex organs and their reproductive capacity—and so they try to up their value: through cooperation, manipulation, conformity; through displays of affection or attempts at friendship; through submission and obedience; and especially through the use of euphemism—“femininity, ” “total woman, ” “good, ” “maternal instinct, ” “motherly love. ”
Their desperation is quiet; they hide their bruises of body and heart; they dress carefully and have good manners; they suffer, they love God, they follow the rules. They see that intelligence displayed in a woman is a flaw, that intelligence realized in a woman is a crime. They see the world they live in and they are not wrong. They use sex and babies to stay valuable because they need a home, food, clothing. They use the traditional intelligence of the female—animal, not human: they do what they have to to survive.”
Great newsletter. There is so much in here. I want to send it to everyone and tell them, “this is a must read!”
A few days ago, I was talking to a long-distance friend and she said I should read your newsletters. I was so happy to find out she is a “Liberating Motherhood” fan, too !!!
Zawn, thank you for your work. Your work and your writing is so validating! This article in particular. Please continue calling out all the BS women are taught under false ‘feminist’ pretense!
Something triggered me recently. I have an ex husband who, for many years, is stealing from me by not providing his share of parenting our child. He does a bare minimum - spends FEW days with our child (out of 365 days a year). I shared with my friend that I face few days I can fully dedicate to myself and what does she say … she implied that I am to be grateful to him for giving me a break. Sorry what????!!
There is so much shit that it being sold to us under the covers of being ‘grateful’. This really bothers me.
Excellent article! This right here is why I slowly "fell out of love" with my husband and I am now separated and heading toward a divorce. One of his big excuses for not doing more around the house is that we just have different standards of what is clean or not clean. But, if we invited people over to our house, he suddenly knew how to pick up and be tidy.
“The harsh reality is that if women raise their standards, most of us will be single. The problem isn’t women’s bad taste. It’s that they are fishing in a sea of garbage, then trying to turn the garbage into something worthwhile after the fact.”
Shout it from the rooftops my friends. I think we should flip the norm for young women coming up: expect to be single, unless you happen to meet one of the rare men who understand, want, and are capable of equity and partnership.
"And the feminist creators who insist women must be patient and positive are reinforcing the idea that this inequity really doesn’t matter."
They are also ignoring the fact that the MENTALITY behind it also causes the more destructive behaviors, and also that, behavior aside, who wants to live with someone whose mentality is bad, even if they don't act on it?
"They also want to see themselves as successful. This is one of patriarchy’s lies working overtime: the idea that good, worthy, successful, attractive women are able to earn good partnerships, and that a bad man is a reflection of his ignorant, undesirable, or unsuccessful wife."
It's the exact opposite. Hard working, strong, kind women are the ones who attract the leeches. Asking them to be even more of those things is grooming and setting her up to give him more energy. It's like telling the hamster to just run faster on the wheel.
Great post that threads the delicate needle of calling out the problem(s) without blaming the in-process-feminist coaches/therapists. It’s the men who fail to do their fair share of household labor who are at fault, and this post makes it clear. 🙌
It’s all a bunch of BS and women are far too gracious and kind. Again, I’ll leave this quote here from the late and great feminist before us.
‘So the woman hangs on, not with the delicacy of a clinging vine, but with a tenacity incredible in its intensity, to the very persons, institutions, and values that demean her, degrade her, glorify her powerlessness, insist upon constraining and paralyzing the most honest expressions of her will and being. She becomes a lackey, serving those who ruthlessly and effectively aggress against her and her kind. This singularly self-hating loyalty to those committed to her own destruction is the very essence of womanhood as men of all ideological persuasions define it.’
Once we really realize that we as women have the same struggle(s) and you aren’t, different’ is when we will truly make progress. Until then, carry on.
“Right-wing women have surveyed the world: they find it a dangerous place.
They see that work subjects them to more danger from more men; it increases the risk of sexual exploitation.
They see that creativity and originality in their kind are ridiculed; they see women thrown out of the circle of male civilization for having ideas, plans, visions, ambitions.
They see that traditional marriage means selling to one man, not hundreds: the better deal. They see that the streets are cold, and that the women on them are tired, sick, and bruised. They see that the money they can earn will not make them independent of men and that they will still have to play the sex games of their kind: at home and at work too. They see no way to make their bodies authentically their own and to survive in the world of men. They know too that the Left has nothing better to offer: leftist men also want wives and whores; leftist men value whores too much and wives too little.
Right-wing women are not wrong. They fear that the Left, in stressing impersonal sex and promiscuity as values, will make them more vulnerable to male sexual aggression, and that they will be despised for not liking it. They are not wrong. Right-wing women see that within the system in which they live they cannot make their bodies their own, but they can agree to privatized male ownership: keep it one-on-one, as it were. They know that they are valued for their sex— their sex organs and their reproductive capacity—and so they try to up their value: through cooperation, manipulation, conformity; through displays of affection or attempts at friendship; through submission and obedience; and especially through the use of euphemism—“femininity, ” “total woman, ” “good, ” “maternal instinct, ” “motherly love. ”
Their desperation is quiet; they hide their bruises of body and heart; they dress carefully and have good manners; they suffer, they love God, they follow the rules. They see that intelligence displayed in a woman is a flaw, that intelligence realized in a woman is a crime. They see the world they live in and they are not wrong. They use sex and babies to stay valuable because they need a home, food, clothing. They use the traditional intelligence of the female—animal, not human: they do what they have to to survive.”
― Andrea Dworkin, Right-Wing Women
Is the whole text available on line somewhere? Would really live to read it
https://frauenkultur.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Andrea-DWORKIN-Right-Wing-Women-The-Politics-of-Domesticated-Females-19831.pdf
Thank you !!
“Women are fishing in a sea …”
Wow. Powerful concept there.
Great newsletter. There is so much in here. I want to send it to everyone and tell them, “this is a must read!”
A few days ago, I was talking to a long-distance friend and she said I should read your newsletters. I was so happy to find out she is a “Liberating Motherhood” fan, too !!!
Zawn, thank you for your work. Your work and your writing is so validating! This article in particular. Please continue calling out all the BS women are taught under false ‘feminist’ pretense!
Something triggered me recently. I have an ex husband who, for many years, is stealing from me by not providing his share of parenting our child. He does a bare minimum - spends FEW days with our child (out of 365 days a year). I shared with my friend that I face few days I can fully dedicate to myself and what does she say … she implied that I am to be grateful to him for giving me a break. Sorry what????!!
There is so much shit that it being sold to us under the covers of being ‘grateful’. This really bothers me.
Excellent article! This right here is why I slowly "fell out of love" with my husband and I am now separated and heading toward a divorce. One of his big excuses for not doing more around the house is that we just have different standards of what is clean or not clean. But, if we invited people over to our house, he suddenly knew how to pick up and be tidy.
>they are fishing in a sea of garbage, then trying to turn the garbage into something worthwhile after the fact.
This is such a great metaphor, thank you. Turning the garbage into something worthwhile - so, upcycling? 🤔
"Oh, he’s beating her a little less than he used to. Progress, not perfection!”
The bar is so low that this is literally my STBX's defense in family therapy for the abuse he's done to the kids and me.
“In fact, for some of my readers, the household labor equity conversation is the thing that triggered physical violence for the first time.”
Because when his “manhood” is defined by, and built upon, gender roles, then undermining those roles represents an actual existential threat.
Also proves he can control his temper because then he'd be violent all the time.
“The harsh reality is that if women raise their standards, most of us will be single. The problem isn’t women’s bad taste. It’s that they are fishing in a sea of garbage, then trying to turn the garbage into something worthwhile after the fact.”
Shout it from the rooftops my friends. I think we should flip the norm for young women coming up: expect to be single, unless you happen to meet one of the rare men who understand, want, and are capable of equity and partnership.
Or practice nonmonogamy and share decent partners.
"And the feminist creators who insist women must be patient and positive are reinforcing the idea that this inequity really doesn’t matter."
They are also ignoring the fact that the MENTALITY behind it also causes the more destructive behaviors, and also that, behavior aside, who wants to live with someone whose mentality is bad, even if they don't act on it?
"They also want to see themselves as successful. This is one of patriarchy’s lies working overtime: the idea that good, worthy, successful, attractive women are able to earn good partnerships, and that a bad man is a reflection of his ignorant, undesirable, or unsuccessful wife."
It's the exact opposite. Hard working, strong, kind women are the ones who attract the leeches. Asking them to be even more of those things is grooming and setting her up to give him more energy. It's like telling the hamster to just run faster on the wheel.