I told him straight up "If you have such issues going to the bathroom, then you need to get to the doctor RIGHT AWAY." After some months, he actually did, and yeah, his pelvic floor muscles are shot and he has a urethral stricture. All it did though was allow him to tell me "See? I did have a real medical reason to abandon all responsibilities to the toilet." Even though his medical problem was originally CAUSED and then REINFORCED by him abandoning his responsibilities and sitting on the toilet for hours every day... plus he always tried to push out the poop when it wasn't coming out. Refused to eat more fiber... I literally cannot believe I knew so much about his bowel habits, and on top of that, how little sense he had about it. He would rather mess up his bowels and pelvic floor than lift a finger to be an actual adult in the household. The divorce can't come soon enough.
I made a dude an appointment and brought him in for a colonoscopy for his bathroom issues. (In his defense, when he does get to the point of doing the deed, he's audibly experiencing quite a bit of discomfort. Turns out he has some Gulf War from the burn pits.) But it makes me wonder if he doesn't also have this as a consequence of camping out for so long.
Ya know - even if he had bowel/butt issues before, he needs to be savvy enough to realize that sitting spread-cheeks on the toilet for such a long time so frequently is only going to make everything worse
However "mean" you are to him in an internet comment is so infinitesimally small compared to how "mean" he was to me as his wife, especially while going through a pregnancy that almost took my and our baby's life, with him sitting on the toilet and doing literally ANYTHING other than just getting me a damn water bottle or any other small act of basic human decency.
I laughed so hard at this (because it’s true) I think she should most definitely send the kids in there (especially if they are little, “Daddy, what are you doing?) and I agree she should do what you said about equal poop time. It’s completely ridiculous that grown men do this shit (pun intended).
Since it's not necessarily actionable to go in there with him while he ostensibly takes a dump, and also - Jesus, can't we just spare ourselves this literal shit and go straight to the part where we call an attorney, lol - an alternative to accompanying him is as follows:
1. If you have unlimited data on your phone plan, switch to limited data. (No need to mention this to him. Just do it.)
2. Disconnect the wifi whenever he's in there for more than 10 minutes.
Limit data plan. Make yourself the account primary so he can't call from the bathroom to switch plans back. Set a pass code to change account or billing settings.
I think the answer is to start claiming equal time. If he spends 3 hours pooping, she should too. I don’t mean pooping specifically but start claiming that free time. Even if that means leaving the house. I’m beginning to think women need to start fiercely protecting their free time. Admittedly, this is easier when the kids are mostly self sufficient but you can do smaller things he when you have littles. Already put in your 8 hours (or whatever time he put in) today? Then make a frozen pizza for dinner instead of a more labor intensive meal you planned. There needs to be a cost to foisting all of the labor onto mom. Then the reasoning becomes about how many hours you’ve put in rather than what they didn’t do. I don’t know if it’s working yet except to say that my mood is better.
Good idea. But also beware of Parkinson's Law, where work (including mental labor) expands to fill the time allotted. Make an effort to keep your free time truly FREE, so as not to continue the vicious cycle.
I remember a colleague of my former partner saying, 'I just destroyed a bathroom'. This was party talk, and he said it frequently. It happened often in coffee shops of big chains.
also heard by me was, 'how do you get away with walking around like that?' in my Y clothes. He is sitting at an expensive restaurant window with same person. And later during divorce was said to have said, 'that's not very discreet', about something I said in court. The misogyny was seeping....'Balance c'est quoi?'
I am the tech savvy one here so I might turn off the wifi or use a wifi blocker or set up bots to start text spamming him or something after he’s been in there for 10 minutes. Or maybe flip the electrical breaker switch to that room and feign ignorance.
I’ve also started taking my own extended breaks at inconvenient times.
This is not the first man I've heard of doing this pretending to take a shit and staying in the toilet for hours! They honestly think that saying 'I'm on the TOILET!' means that's the end of the enquiry, like actual fucking toddlers. Why do they all think women are stupid? But who gives a fuck what he's doing, indeed. She must just do the same in terms of taking all the time she wants.
OMG I read a post on AITA where the man doing this lived in a household with one bathroom and there were three other people living there, including a toddler who was in the middle of being potty trained and a roommate with IBS.
There is very little overlap in the Venn diagram of people who are constipated and take a long time to use the toilet and the people who need to poop multiple times a day.
When I asked STBX if he was okay because of this behavior, he literally called me a fascist that I was trying to police his bathroom time. I didn't even complain -- I just asked if he was ok. Immediate defensiveness.
I had an ex who tried to tell me I was a fascist once. He was doing that thing where he was looking for some new way to sound cool while being abusive to me in front of others. I looked at him and said, "Bill, in order it be a fascist, I would have to care what you think. And I don't."
My stbx's urethra partially collapsed because of this behavior. His pelvic floor is a mess.
This can happen? *thinking face*
*starts Googling to see if THAT'S what's wrong with him...*
I told him straight up "If you have such issues going to the bathroom, then you need to get to the doctor RIGHT AWAY." After some months, he actually did, and yeah, his pelvic floor muscles are shot and he has a urethral stricture. All it did though was allow him to tell me "See? I did have a real medical reason to abandon all responsibilities to the toilet." Even though his medical problem was originally CAUSED and then REINFORCED by him abandoning his responsibilities and sitting on the toilet for hours every day... plus he always tried to push out the poop when it wasn't coming out. Refused to eat more fiber... I literally cannot believe I knew so much about his bowel habits, and on top of that, how little sense he had about it. He would rather mess up his bowels and pelvic floor than lift a finger to be an actual adult in the household. The divorce can't come soon enough.
I made a dude an appointment and brought him in for a colonoscopy for his bathroom issues. (In his defense, when he does get to the point of doing the deed, he's audibly experiencing quite a bit of discomfort. Turns out he has some Gulf War from the burn pits.) But it makes me wonder if he doesn't also have this as a consequence of camping out for so long.
Ya know - even if he had bowel/butt issues before, he needs to be savvy enough to realize that sitting spread-cheeks on the toilet for such a long time so frequently is only going to make everything worse
One would think
I... I do not want to be mean but I nearly spit out my iced tea at this.
However "mean" you are to him in an internet comment is so infinitesimally small compared to how "mean" he was to me as his wife, especially while going through a pregnancy that almost took my and our baby's life, with him sitting on the toilet and doing literally ANYTHING other than just getting me a damn water bottle or any other small act of basic human decency.
I laughed so hard at this (because it’s true) I think she should most definitely send the kids in there (especially if they are little, “Daddy, what are you doing?) and I agree she should do what you said about equal poop time. It’s completely ridiculous that grown men do this shit (pun intended).
This is 💯 correct. Great advice. Perfect anal-ysis of the real problem.
Since it's not necessarily actionable to go in there with him while he ostensibly takes a dump, and also - Jesus, can't we just spare ourselves this literal shit and go straight to the part where we call an attorney, lol - an alternative to accompanying him is as follows:
1. If you have unlimited data on your phone plan, switch to limited data. (No need to mention this to him. Just do it.)
2. Disconnect the wifi whenever he's in there for more than 10 minutes.
Why TF have I not thought of this
Disconnecting the wifi is genius and absolutely necessary
Cell phone blocker, too, or he can use data
Limit data plan. Make yourself the account primary so he can't call from the bathroom to switch plans back. Set a pass code to change account or billing settings.
WiFi blocker in the bathroom 🤣
Wall the bathroom in aluminum foil so the whole room becomes a Farraday cage :D
I think the answer is to start claiming equal time. If he spends 3 hours pooping, she should too. I don’t mean pooping specifically but start claiming that free time. Even if that means leaving the house. I’m beginning to think women need to start fiercely protecting their free time. Admittedly, this is easier when the kids are mostly self sufficient but you can do smaller things he when you have littles. Already put in your 8 hours (or whatever time he put in) today? Then make a frozen pizza for dinner instead of a more labor intensive meal you planned. There needs to be a cost to foisting all of the labor onto mom. Then the reasoning becomes about how many hours you’ve put in rather than what they didn’t do. I don’t know if it’s working yet except to say that my mood is better.
Good idea. But also beware of Parkinson's Law, where work (including mental labor) expands to fill the time allotted. Make an effort to keep your free time truly FREE, so as not to continue the vicious cycle.
I remember a colleague of my former partner saying, 'I just destroyed a bathroom'. This was party talk, and he said it frequently. It happened often in coffee shops of big chains.
omg, my ex husband would also say this
also heard by me was, 'how do you get away with walking around like that?' in my Y clothes. He is sitting at an expensive restaurant window with same person. And later during divorce was said to have said, 'that's not very discreet', about something I said in court. The misogyny was seeping....'Balance c'est quoi?'
I would have started calling him Double Decker from then on. I'd never let him live that shit (hehe) down.
I am the tech savvy one here so I might turn off the wifi or use a wifi blocker or set up bots to start text spamming him or something after he’s been in there for 10 minutes. Or maybe flip the electrical breaker switch to that room and feign ignorance.
I’ve also started taking my own extended breaks at inconvenient times.
This is not the first man I've heard of doing this pretending to take a shit and staying in the toilet for hours! They honestly think that saying 'I'm on the TOILET!' means that's the end of the enquiry, like actual fucking toddlers. Why do they all think women are stupid? But who gives a fuck what he's doing, indeed. She must just do the same in terms of taking all the time she wants.
OMG I read a post on AITA where the man doing this lived in a household with one bathroom and there were three other people living there, including a toddler who was in the middle of being potty trained and a roommate with IBS.
There is very little overlap in the Venn diagram of people who are constipated and take a long time to use the toilet and the people who need to poop multiple times a day.
There is not one word I could add to make this article more perfect. Nailed it!
I divorced my ex husband who would always be in the toilet. Highly recommend.
When I asked STBX if he was okay because of this behavior, he literally called me a fascist that I was trying to police his bathroom time. I didn't even complain -- I just asked if he was ok. Immediate defensiveness.
I had an ex who tried to tell me I was a fascist once. He was doing that thing where he was looking for some new way to sound cool while being abusive to me in front of others. I looked at him and said, "Bill, in order it be a fascist, I would have to care what you think. And I don't."
"If you need time to think, may I suggest washing the dishes? It can be quite meditative to do something simple and repetitive."
My ex used to do the same, just as many, many men do. In my opinion this shows so much entitlement and disrespect that it can't be solved.
Yep, with his phone in hand, off he would go to the toilet. Yet, if I read a book he claimed I was ignoring him and not doing enough around the house.