Most are either fully absent or talking over women, because that way they can either do nothing, be praised for their marginal efforts and/or control the narrative.
Yes! Literally, WHO WOULDN'T WANT THAT? What the heck are a few more chores and a bit less solo leisure time compared to YOUR FAMILY ACTUALLY LIKING YOU?? I am going to bring this up anywhere and everywhere, this article such a great way to put it. Your specific wording doesn't centre men, I think, it centres relationships and humanity and I love it so much.
I think I need to read this every day for the next year and imprint it into my psyche. I will also be sending this to my step-mom, my step-dad (the man my stepmom married after my dad died), and my partner.
And a bunch of women I know. And a bunch of men I know. Thank you for writing this. This is full of so much wisdom !!!
I was pretty surprised when a dad I know had to be talked into the most basic feminism. This man has two grown daughters & 1 grand-daughter! Shouldn’t he want feminism for his offspring??
Imagine going through life knowing that if you died the people closest to you would be relieved. Not because you were in pain or suffering, but because you made them suffer.
"I’m tired of pretending that needing an incentive to care about half the world’s population is anything less than monstrous."
I have to admit I'm impressed you have the energy to write about the topic so often and with such unmitigated passion. It's disturbing that these things needs to be said, because after thinking about it for even a split second they are obvious. Ugh. And so many people disagree and are in the dark.
The only way my mother, sister, and I might be able to mend our relationships is when my father is dead, and universe forgive me but I hope it's soon so my mother has a chance to be truly happy before she's too old. My father is not just a misogynist in sheep's clothing he's also an incredibly controlling narcissist; my mother is deeply enmeshed and codependent, she hasn't worked since I was 8, once my father started making significant money he didn't want her to work. I had to go no-contact with them in my early 30's, then I married "my father". Fortunately we've been separated for 7 years, after an 11 year marriage. I've healed, yet I have absolutely zero desire to ever be in a relationship with a man again, ever. I lived blissfully on my own for 10 years, all of my 20's, before my ex love-bombed me, and I've lived blissfully alone since we separated. Never, ever, again. I can't stand most men anymore, and don't give a fuck anymore. The ones who insist they're "nice guys" are the absolute worst.
I’m a male reader who really appreciate all your writing and podcasts. Came here in my search for a deep diving model to approach equitable division of labor. Stayed for the eye opening articles about just how infuriatingly widespread misogyny is in our society and how deeply it hurts so many people.
To me the only benefit I need from working hard on building our feminist relationship is to wake up in the morning and not look an exploitative abusive piece of garbage in the mirror. (At least I’m trying really hard not to be one!) But even this benefit is really just a negation of everything that is shit with taking part in patriarchy?
Every benefit that is not a negation of injury I can come up with is just the benefits of a healthy relationship: Seeing the world and myself through somebody else's eyes. Healing trauma by incrementally building trust with somebody who shows me I can trust them and vice versa. Having a team mate I can truly be myself with and who I know I can trust to tell me what they want and need and feel. Etc!
Most are either fully absent or talking over women, because that way they can either do nothing, be praised for their marginal efforts and/or control the narrative.
Yes! Literally, WHO WOULDN'T WANT THAT? What the heck are a few more chores and a bit less solo leisure time compared to YOUR FAMILY ACTUALLY LIKING YOU?? I am going to bring this up anywhere and everywhere, this article such a great way to put it. Your specific wording doesn't centre men, I think, it centres relationships and humanity and I love it so much.
Excellent. Makes you wonder why in heck men are so darn stupid.
Beautiful
I think I need to read this every day for the next year and imprint it into my psyche. I will also be sending this to my step-mom, my step-dad (the man my stepmom married after my dad died), and my partner.
And a bunch of women I know. And a bunch of men I know. Thank you for writing this. This is full of so much wisdom !!!
I was pretty surprised when a dad I know had to be talked into the most basic feminism. This man has two grown daughters & 1 grand-daughter! Shouldn’t he want feminism for his offspring??
“Your family won’t be glad when you’re dead”
Pfiiiiiiiieuw
Imagine going through life knowing that if you died the people closest to you would be relieved. Not because you were in pain or suffering, but because you made them suffer.
"I’m tired of pretending that needing an incentive to care about half the world’s population is anything less than monstrous."
I have to admit I'm impressed you have the energy to write about the topic so often and with such unmitigated passion. It's disturbing that these things needs to be said, because after thinking about it for even a split second they are obvious. Ugh. And so many people disagree and are in the dark.
Thank you for keeping up the good fight.
The only way my mother, sister, and I might be able to mend our relationships is when my father is dead, and universe forgive me but I hope it's soon so my mother has a chance to be truly happy before she's too old. My father is not just a misogynist in sheep's clothing he's also an incredibly controlling narcissist; my mother is deeply enmeshed and codependent, she hasn't worked since I was 8, once my father started making significant money he didn't want her to work. I had to go no-contact with them in my early 30's, then I married "my father". Fortunately we've been separated for 7 years, after an 11 year marriage. I've healed, yet I have absolutely zero desire to ever be in a relationship with a man again, ever. I lived blissfully on my own for 10 years, all of my 20's, before my ex love-bombed me, and I've lived blissfully alone since we separated. Never, ever, again. I can't stand most men anymore, and don't give a fuck anymore. The ones who insist they're "nice guys" are the absolute worst.
I’m a male reader who really appreciate all your writing and podcasts. Came here in my search for a deep diving model to approach equitable division of labor. Stayed for the eye opening articles about just how infuriatingly widespread misogyny is in our society and how deeply it hurts so many people.
To me the only benefit I need from working hard on building our feminist relationship is to wake up in the morning and not look an exploitative abusive piece of garbage in the mirror. (At least I’m trying really hard not to be one!) But even this benefit is really just a negation of everything that is shit with taking part in patriarchy?
Every benefit that is not a negation of injury I can come up with is just the benefits of a healthy relationship: Seeing the world and myself through somebody else's eyes. Healing trauma by incrementally building trust with somebody who shows me I can trust them and vice versa. Having a team mate I can truly be myself with and who I know I can trust to tell me what they want and need and feel. Etc!
Thank you for everything you do!