The relationship discussed here in the podcast needs immediate attention! The woman who wrote in should immediately get herself to the toughest divorce lawyer available and get OUT of the bad marriage and save herself! That will also set a good example for the kids: never stay with an abusive husband.
This podcast has a lot of interesting topics. Thanks, Zawn!
This statement blew me away based on your research and the statistics: "The biggest public health threat to women is procreating with men. There is almost nothing that women can do that is more dangerous than forming a relationship and having a child with a man."
Zawn, you are doing such important work. Thank you!
–Sandy, a new subscriber and 60-year-old marriage survivor and proud single mom of two adult, female change-makers.
Can you do an episode on how to get thru post separation abuse with two young kids and domestic abuse? I was deep into an abusive relationship before realizing it and I have two young babies 3 and 2. I left the moment before I knew he was going to beat me up in front of them. The judge is new and still thinks this fleeing with one of my kids was voluntary. Society is doing everything to keep me in this marriage as you mention in this episode. How do I get thru this? Does the psych eval matter? I got an inheritance but his family is exceptionally wealthy. He currently has the house and was given sole custody and is violating even those custody arrangements and court orders and filing endless motions and false accusations even against therapists. How do I even get thru this? He at least doesn’t yet know where I physically am. I shared so much of my experience for some context but am interested in just a general episode.
I’m excited for your eventual abortion episode. I’ve been on both sides of this debate throughout my life and honestly I don’t know where I am now. I obviously don’t think any women should be forced to bear a child with a man who statistically is more likely to ruin her life. And I believe that is a true statistic based on me and what I’ve seen. However; I think that killing the baby is such an extreme solution. Stay with me for a minute—but what if instead we were able to institute a mandatory (reversible) vasectomy for all abusive men? I know. Impossible to figure out how to do this. But I think something along this line puts the accountability, responsibility and consequences where it should logically lay.
I like your idea! We should start restricting male bodily autonomy for extreme cases. When you think about it, their bodies can be used like weapons to permanently harm people. Interesting topic to explore at the very least. There doesn’t seem to be any cases of limiting male reproductive autonomy at all which is very weird to think about considering how we control women’s bodies.
In my own post separation abuse and after helping many other women as a domestic violence advocate unfortunately the system is far from just and fair. Lawyers, GAL’s, social and psychological evaluators, judges, etc are nowhere near trained in domestic violence and trauma. I have hope that the system will change. We have a lot of advocates and revolutionaries out there bringing this into the light. However, my advice right now is do what you need to do to get out of the system. There’s a good chance you won’t end with a fair equitable adjustment, he may get the house, he’ll likely get at least 50% timesharing. Staying in the system and fighting statistically makes it worse for the women. The women I have seen who gave up finances, sometimes grossly unfair, after a year or so are thriving. Many have more money than they ever did when married, even while being a single mom. Don’t doubt your own potential. Women who survive this emotional abuse, gaslighting, etc are amazing survivors and capable of great things. Spend your time getting there instead of fighting while in the system. Get out of the system and THEN go advocate and fight.
My friend got recently married, while being already pregnant to someone she met only quite recently, she even has to communicate in his language which she is still learning and does not know it too well, so I can only imagine that it is not the easiest communication. I am absolutely horrified for her. This just screams all red flags, even though she seems happy now and everybody is happy for her. I had a hard time congratulating her and meeting her new husband, I am just not able to be happy for her at all.
One of my closest friends has been in a symilar position, just make sure she knows you are there for her when she needs it. During her wedding reception I told to her ex husband to treat her well or beware for me! I think it's important for her to be aware there's someone to turn to. Sending good wibes
Yes, now I hear of people getting married and I cringe.
Same with having babies. I have the complete opposite of baby fever.
Me too. I’m at the age where I’m getting invited to weddings (34) & I’m sad for the women.
The relationship discussed here in the podcast needs immediate attention! The woman who wrote in should immediately get herself to the toughest divorce lawyer available and get OUT of the bad marriage and save herself! That will also set a good example for the kids: never stay with an abusive husband.
This podcast has a lot of interesting topics. Thanks, Zawn!
This statement blew me away based on your research and the statistics: "The biggest public health threat to women is procreating with men. There is almost nothing that women can do that is more dangerous than forming a relationship and having a child with a man."
Zawn, you are doing such important work. Thank you!
–Sandy, a new subscriber and 60-year-old marriage survivor and proud single mom of two adult, female change-makers.
Can you do an episode on how to get thru post separation abuse with two young kids and domestic abuse? I was deep into an abusive relationship before realizing it and I have two young babies 3 and 2. I left the moment before I knew he was going to beat me up in front of them. The judge is new and still thinks this fleeing with one of my kids was voluntary. Society is doing everything to keep me in this marriage as you mention in this episode. How do I get thru this? Does the psych eval matter? I got an inheritance but his family is exceptionally wealthy. He currently has the house and was given sole custody and is violating even those custody arrangements and court orders and filing endless motions and false accusations even against therapists. How do I even get thru this? He at least doesn’t yet know where I physically am. I shared so much of my experience for some context but am interested in just a general episode.
I am so, so sorry you are dealing with this. We will definitely be talking about it.
Thanks Zawn
I’m excited for your eventual abortion episode. I’ve been on both sides of this debate throughout my life and honestly I don’t know where I am now. I obviously don’t think any women should be forced to bear a child with a man who statistically is more likely to ruin her life. And I believe that is a true statistic based on me and what I’ve seen. However; I think that killing the baby is such an extreme solution. Stay with me for a minute—but what if instead we were able to institute a mandatory (reversible) vasectomy for all abusive men? I know. Impossible to figure out how to do this. But I think something along this line puts the accountability, responsibility and consequences where it should logically lay.
I like your idea! We should start restricting male bodily autonomy for extreme cases. When you think about it, their bodies can be used like weapons to permanently harm people. Interesting topic to explore at the very least. There doesn’t seem to be any cases of limiting male reproductive autonomy at all which is very weird to think about considering how we control women’s bodies.
“Sex addiction” is such bullshit. It’s abuse pure and simple.
In my own post separation abuse and after helping many other women as a domestic violence advocate unfortunately the system is far from just and fair. Lawyers, GAL’s, social and psychological evaluators, judges, etc are nowhere near trained in domestic violence and trauma. I have hope that the system will change. We have a lot of advocates and revolutionaries out there bringing this into the light. However, my advice right now is do what you need to do to get out of the system. There’s a good chance you won’t end with a fair equitable adjustment, he may get the house, he’ll likely get at least 50% timesharing. Staying in the system and fighting statistically makes it worse for the women. The women I have seen who gave up finances, sometimes grossly unfair, after a year or so are thriving. Many have more money than they ever did when married, even while being a single mom. Don’t doubt your own potential. Women who survive this emotional abuse, gaslighting, etc are amazing survivors and capable of great things. Spend your time getting there instead of fighting while in the system. Get out of the system and THEN go advocate and fight.
My friend got recently married, while being already pregnant to someone she met only quite recently, she even has to communicate in his language which she is still learning and does not know it too well, so I can only imagine that it is not the easiest communication. I am absolutely horrified for her. This just screams all red flags, even though she seems happy now and everybody is happy for her. I had a hard time congratulating her and meeting her new husband, I am just not able to be happy for her at all.
One of my closest friends has been in a symilar position, just make sure she knows you are there for her when she needs it. During her wedding reception I told to her ex husband to treat her well or beware for me! I think it's important for her to be aware there's someone to turn to. Sending good wibes