Is Substack unsafe now that Andrew Tate is here? Feminist Advice

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A reader asks…

I’ve been a paid subscriber of yours for the past few years and have learned so much from you, as well as other women on Substack talking about their journeys through divorce and heteronormativity. This is what I love about the substack community - the thoughtful, informative discourse. And even when women disagree, it’s mostly respectful posts back and forth.

Recently I posted an article on Substack about an idea on a way to move forward to get the change we need. I’m aware that this idea would never happen, and after this last response, I can see it wouldn’t be safe to do as I would fear for women’s safety everywhere. What surprised me this time was the amount of vile, homophobic, and misogynistic, misinformed comments from white men that targeted me after this post, which has never happened to me before on Substack (I’ve had two articles go viral before this one, and only one “off-putting” comment).

How do you handle the attacks and keep going? As a single mom, I wonder if I’m putting my identity and thereby my son’s safety at risk in any way, and if it’s safe to stay on these sites. I realize I’m new to all of this and would love your advice on how to keep going with safety in mind. Or is Substack now unsafe with Andrew Tate onboard?

My answer

I am so sorry this happened to you. This should absolutely never happen. There’s no way to prepare for, or cope, with the amount of vitriol women in the public eye receive. It’s not a failure of coping skills; we never evolved to field psychological warfare from hundreds or thousands of people across the globe. Our brains just can’t manage it.

So we have to find ways to protect ourselves. I think your question is basically two questions:

1. How do we protect ourselves from male online aggression?

2. Is Substack safe for women?

I want to address the question of Substack safety first:

In patriarchy, there is no such thing as a space that is safe for women. As long as there are men somewhere, there is a risk of abuse. And even in spaces that specifically ban men, patriarchal ideas can proliferate. Patriarchy affects and infects us all, not just men.

So I think it’s really important not to think in terms of safe spaces, but rather in terms of harm reduction. Because when we decide that a space is “safe,” it may cause us to ignore unsafe realities or take unnecessary risks. This is similar to how deeming a man a “good” man can actually render him more dangerous because it causes us to overlook his misogyny.

Substack has never been a safe place for women. Not because it’s necessarily any worse than any other platform, but because there are abusive people here—just like everywhere else, and because like all social media platforms, Substack has chosen not to prioritize women’s safety.

That does not mean we should leave. That’s what patriarchy wants. We should stay where we are not wanted. We should invade as many spaces as we can, colonizing them for anti-supremacy culture and making clear that we will not be cowed into silence.

Patriarchy wants us to scamper off to quiet little platforms where we can’t make any money and can’t reach a decent audience. It want us to self-silo into platforms that rob us of our power. Instead, we need to stay, grow, and continue to make patriarchal men uncomfortable. I write more about this topic here, where I explain why I am not leaving problematic social media platforms.

My voice deserves a big audience. So does yours. We all deserve to be heard. So let’s stay and make shitty men uncomfortable.

How do we do that without destroying our own lives?

It’s simple, actually: You silence them.

Patriarchy has drugged men up with a potent sense of entitlement that convinces them they should be heard anywhere and everywhere. But you are not the government, and you do not owe anyone free speech rights. You have a moral obligation not to allow your page to become an outlet for misogyny.

So it’s simple:

Ban comments from anyone who is not a paid subscriber. Men will not typically pay to insult you. In the rare instance that they do, block them.

You can do something else, too, if you feel like really pissing them off and reclaiming your power: Name and shame them.

I keep screenshots of men who troll me, and occasionally post their information on social media or here on Substack. This means they know that, if they harass me, I relentlessly mock them. But I’ll block them first, which means they get to be humiliated publicly, but they don’t get to respond. It’s a pretty strong deterrent.

You will never be able to write in a way that doesn’t offend someone. There’s no such thing as people pleasing, because you can’t please everyone. So you might as well choose whom to offend. Misogynist men are a pretty great starting point. They get angry because you have offended them. They deserve to be offended. There is great moral pride in offending bad people. So keep it up, and consider their rage a signal that you’re doing something right.

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