Ding ding ding! I would shout this from the rooftops if I weren't in active litigation from my abusive partner.
I experienced postpartum psychosis after my firstborn. When I checked myself into the hospital after I couldn't sleep for days and was beginning to hallucinate, the psychiatrists consistently assured me that my thinking was actually much more logical and clear than I thought. One gently pulled me aside and said "have you ever considered you may be in an abusive relationship? Your responses line up more closely to those facing abuse vs. those with a mental health disorder."
Fast forward three years, I had another baby. My risk of PPP recurrence was over 50%. Somehow, I didn't experience so much as the baby blues. And this was caring for a busy toddler on top of a newborn. What had changed? I had separated from my abusive, alcoholic husband (who then filed for divorce, claiming he needed sole emergency custody... thankfully that was denied) and had the support of family, a night doula and postpartum mental health providers instead. A world of difference in my recovery and wellbeing... despite being in the middle of a stressful, expensive divorce.
This problem (men being the cause of postpartum depression) makes me so very angry. Because, in my case the problem was 100% the man, followed by a society that regularly criticized me for not doing enough *for him*.
But I also noticed that the postpartum depression screenings themselves are also part of the problem. I had major problems after every birth, but was only flagged for postpartum depression when it was politically convenient.
Need to discredit mom? Slap that postpartum depression label on her. In my area, the only solution is meds! There is a 6 month wait for therapy, and they straight up tell you PPD is usually gone by 6 mo. (A lie, but good for discouraging people from seeking therapy!)
Also, for BIPOC moms, that label can be especially damaging. Sometimes I wonder if I couldn't get help before, because the nurses knew it would be the wrong kind of help.
This whole article makes me want to go back to my 30 year old self who had just given birth, and hug her for the next 20 years. I had pre-partum depression, and this shows me it was pre-partum oppression. And post-partum oppression. I hate this patriarchal society who told me that this oppression is what I wanted. I miss younger, healthier, never-suicidal Jodi, who had goals and dreams and wishes and thoughts and creativity. I need to go grieve now. [also; thank you, Zawn. 💙]
My second eldest child (now 21 yo) came to me the other day asking about PPD. They mentioned that they read it causes women to harm/kill their babies.
It was a really good chance to have a conversation around the stigma, that yes, babies have been murdered BUT it’s such a minority of complex cases, but that’s the media portrayal. Women as monsters that harm their babies because of raging hormones.
I was able to show them the previous edition of this article, we discussed PPD, we discussed how I was diagnosed when they were 6 weeks old, with Drs ignoring the fact that at their age I had a caesar, my mother died and I became guardian of my teenage sister within 3 weeks of each other, my ex was a lazy POS etc.
I don’t expect my asexual/aromantic child will become a parent, but I do know they will educate their friends, be more supportive and challenge the media narrative in future 💜
If a nam had a major health event that was comparable to the effects that pregnancy, birth and all the various risks and symptoms, he would expect to be cared for as an invalid and treated with care.
A Caesarian section is the only major abdominal surgery where the patient is expected to get up, walk around and also care for another person (baby) and also another adult the very next day. The patient might be advised not to lift anything or drive for six weeks, which is laughable.
Pregnancy and childbirth is a huge medical event even when things are perfect and again; we expect that the patient must jump up and be responsible for caring with no thought for their own medical condition.
The older I get, the more I am astounded that we go along with this.
We should be burning things down.
The fact that society and the patriarchy keeps us so busy trying to manage an impossible load of doing everything right, all whilst making sure that it’s an impossible conundrum is probably why we are unable doing of that burning down of the patriarchy.
I’m a perinatal psych NP and I CONCUR. I shared this article with my colleagues and hope to make some changes in how we approach our PPA and PPD screeners. Thank you for your work, it matters.
Bingo. Thank you.
Check out this “Dear Abby” response to a pregnant woman whose husband is being a jerk. Ugh. Ugh.
https://nypost.com/2024/04/18/lifestyle/dear-abby-my-husband-has-ignored-me-ever-since-i-got-pregnant/
Ding ding ding! I would shout this from the rooftops if I weren't in active litigation from my abusive partner.
I experienced postpartum psychosis after my firstborn. When I checked myself into the hospital after I couldn't sleep for days and was beginning to hallucinate, the psychiatrists consistently assured me that my thinking was actually much more logical and clear than I thought. One gently pulled me aside and said "have you ever considered you may be in an abusive relationship? Your responses line up more closely to those facing abuse vs. those with a mental health disorder."
Fast forward three years, I had another baby. My risk of PPP recurrence was over 50%. Somehow, I didn't experience so much as the baby blues. And this was caring for a busy toddler on top of a newborn. What had changed? I had separated from my abusive, alcoholic husband (who then filed for divorce, claiming he needed sole emergency custody... thankfully that was denied) and had the support of family, a night doula and postpartum mental health providers instead. A world of difference in my recovery and wellbeing... despite being in the middle of a stressful, expensive divorce.
Yes, in my case it was definitely the man!
This problem (men being the cause of postpartum depression) makes me so very angry. Because, in my case the problem was 100% the man, followed by a society that regularly criticized me for not doing enough *for him*.
But I also noticed that the postpartum depression screenings themselves are also part of the problem. I had major problems after every birth, but was only flagged for postpartum depression when it was politically convenient.
Need to discredit mom? Slap that postpartum depression label on her. In my area, the only solution is meds! There is a 6 month wait for therapy, and they straight up tell you PPD is usually gone by 6 mo. (A lie, but good for discouraging people from seeking therapy!)
Also, for BIPOC moms, that label can be especially damaging. Sometimes I wonder if I couldn't get help before, because the nurses knew it would be the wrong kind of help.
This whole article makes me want to go back to my 30 year old self who had just given birth, and hug her for the next 20 years. I had pre-partum depression, and this shows me it was pre-partum oppression. And post-partum oppression. I hate this patriarchal society who told me that this oppression is what I wanted. I miss younger, healthier, never-suicidal Jodi, who had goals and dreams and wishes and thoughts and creativity. I need to go grieve now. [also; thank you, Zawn. 💙]
My second eldest child (now 21 yo) came to me the other day asking about PPD. They mentioned that they read it causes women to harm/kill their babies.
It was a really good chance to have a conversation around the stigma, that yes, babies have been murdered BUT it’s such a minority of complex cases, but that’s the media portrayal. Women as monsters that harm their babies because of raging hormones.
I was able to show them the previous edition of this article, we discussed PPD, we discussed how I was diagnosed when they were 6 weeks old, with Drs ignoring the fact that at their age I had a caesar, my mother died and I became guardian of my teenage sister within 3 weeks of each other, my ex was a lazy POS etc.
I don’t expect my asexual/aromantic child will become a parent, but I do know they will educate their friends, be more supportive and challenge the media narrative in future 💜
If a nam had a major health event that was comparable to the effects that pregnancy, birth and all the various risks and symptoms, he would expect to be cared for as an invalid and treated with care.
A Caesarian section is the only major abdominal surgery where the patient is expected to get up, walk around and also care for another person (baby) and also another adult the very next day. The patient might be advised not to lift anything or drive for six weeks, which is laughable.
Pregnancy and childbirth is a huge medical event even when things are perfect and again; we expect that the patient must jump up and be responsible for caring with no thought for their own medical condition.
The older I get, the more I am astounded that we go along with this.
We should be burning things down.
The fact that society and the patriarchy keeps us so busy trying to manage an impossible load of doing everything right, all whilst making sure that it’s an impossible conundrum is probably why we are unable doing of that burning down of the patriarchy.
It’s all such a con.
I’m a perinatal psych NP and I CONCUR. I shared this article with my colleagues and hope to make some changes in how we approach our PPA and PPD screeners. Thank you for your work, it matters.