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I’m a solo Mum by choice, and I'm more than happy to share my experience with others. A bit of background though, for context. I’m one of 6 (5 girls) and along with my twin sister, the youngest. My parents had my twin and I through IVF later in life, as my Dad is husband no.2. This was in the 80’s when it was very new, so we heard a lot about the process growing up.

My siblings have all been prolific breeders, so I never really felt any pressure to have kids. I knew I wanted them, but I also knew I was gay and I was terrified I would miss out.

I also witnessed each of my older sisters run the gamut of absolute trash men, each worse than the last. They all had children with these abusive a/holes, but as a child I just watched it play out. They were repeating the trauma they had witnessed with their own father, who abused my Mum in every way possible.

I didn’t come out until I was almost 30, and it didn’t occur to me I could go it alone until a friend began the process a few years later. I was shocked to find a whole community of solo Mums online. These women have been such a support, before, during, and after the process. They all have different stories and situations, but I’m yet to hear of any that have any regrets about doing it solo. Personally, I have not once regretted my decision. It can certainly be tough, and sometimes I think I’m doing a terrible job as a Mum, but when I talk to my married friends we all have the same struggles! The difference is they often have to deal with a man child, or argue about decisions I get to make myself. Plus, my little guy is the best and I love him more than life.

The most important advice I can give to anyone else looking to start the journey is this:

- ensure you’re financially secure. Don’t assume you’ll be back at work right away (or even back to full time hours) because I thought I would be fine and I had to take longer leave than I intended due to PPD exacerbated by breastfeeding issues and lack of sleep 🫠

- make sure you have reliable support. Family or friends who can be called on for help, whether it’s an hour with the baby, folding the laundry, bringing groceries, whatever you may need especially in the first few weeks. Oh and also if you have a caesarean, it can take 6-8 weeks to heal and be pain free. You’ll also need non-judgemental people to talk to or ask advice of.

- make sure your job is secure if you’re wanting to go back to it. If you can, discuss leave options with your employer/HR and have an “in case of” plan if you need more time. If you can’t talk to them, make sure you carefully read your contract or parental leave policy.

- be ready for the intrusive questions and potential judgemental idiots. I didn’t encounter too many, but I had my share of “who’s the father?” And “he needs a male role model in his life” 🙄 at least it gave me an opportunity to work on my one liners.

Good luck to anyone going down this path. You won’t regret it.

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I left my husband when my child was two years old and it Is infinitely easier doing it alone than it is doing it with a poor partner. I am in an industry that is difficult on marriages/partnerships (international transfers every few years) so many women, once they hit their mid-30s and want children, face difficult choices related to their partnerships, motherhood, and their jobs. I have at least five friends that have chosen to go it alone, and none of them regrets it. Honestly, I wish I had communities like this before I married poorly, so that I could have had the bravery to go it alone. It is not all roses - I am solely financially responsible for my child and that makes me a bit conservative with professional choices. Parenting in the young years can feel relentless when there is no one to co-parent so that you can get time for yourself and self-care. It can be difficult if you do not have a network you can rely on to help out or to exchange with, because it can feel difficult to justify paying someone to do things you feel you should/could do on your own. But if you can afford it, and can afford good care when you need it, then I think it is brilliant. I would trade the stresses of single parenthood for the stresses of partnership with a poor partner any day.

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As someone who also left with an 18 months old, I agree 100%.

In my case, it would have been better to go into it alone.

I enjoy a thriving career and wouldn't mind moving internationally etc.

However , right now I am stuck 🙃 geographically because of ex's visiting rights.

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Same. I am also stuck geographically because of custody agreements until Feb 2030. I have a countdown.

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Newly exploring kink and I've gotta say - it's really empowering to move towards what feels good, especially with a person who is curious about what you want. Talking about how sometimes exploring power dynamics in the bedroom seems strange when you try to think about it too much, and they said, "idk, it's kind of like play therapy for adults." That really resonated with me.

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