My husband doesn't want to parent our baby: Feminist Advice Friday Bad Advice Edition (paid subscriber bonus)

An advice columnist suggests that working 168 hours without time off is equal to working 40 hours, because of course women don't matter.

Bad Advice Friday is a twist on my usual Feminist Advice Friday. In this semi-regular column, I look at the bad advice other columnists have given. The bad advice is often rooted in patriarchal norms, in the idea that women’s emotions really don’t matter, and in the cultural practice of centering men’s desires at the expense of women’s needs. You can find a complete list of previous bad advice columns here.

The problem

A reader contacts Annie Lane to tell us of her lazy husband, who is surprisingly upfront about what a shitbag he is. She is a stay-at-home mother, while he works a 40-hour-per-week job. She wants him to “help” with the baby a mere two days per week, on the weekend when he is off of work. She is in pain from birth and struggling. But he is unwilling to spend even a few extra hours with the baby to help her, let alone treat the baby as if he is in fact the baby’s father.

He has been clear: He does not believe he should have to do this, and thinks she should “step up” more.