Personally, I think one day of tallying what you do vs him is enough. Bonus points if you try this on a weekend like I did. My partner didn't even last till 10 am before giving up and conceding that I do A LOT more than he does.
And that was it. We firmly established that he's a lazy jerk and he's happy with that. As expected, he has zero plans to change anything.
I'm really liking Jeff's idea. Get a monster to chase him until he does the dishes. That's fun, right?
Can I say how much I LOVE that you support and write out in detail how to go FULL NUCLEAR...and not even for the purpose of getting him to change (like you said, he'll straighten up just long enough to placate for a bit). The ultimate goal is to expose for HER, the wife, how truly unwilling he is to be an equitable partner. 🙌
I read the first line and mentally exclaimed "oh F(allcapsexpletive) no!"
Side quests? Are you kidding me? This guy is explicitly asking to be treated like a two year old. Let's pretend the dishes are space ships and they need to fly into the dishwasher and end up in proper formation! Extra points for pointing all the artillery (knives and forks) in the right direction, and for not exploding (dropping and breaking) any ships!
Ha, his side quest should be getting evaluated for ADHD and figuring out some life hacks to get stuff down, just like many women with ADHD have had to do once they live with a lazy man who triples their workload. (Speaking from experience here..)
Clearly this nam does need some help and guidance. I think she should go back to basics, and start off slowly by giving a chart with stickers and rewards. Every time he successfully goes potty, he can have a star as a reward, that would be fun!
When he gets angry and states that he doesn’t need potty training because he’s an adult, she can just look at him and see if he figures out the logical next step in that progression.
If not, then it’s pretty clear that she is married to a child or at least a person who refuses to grow.
Chores suck. Adults make them suck less by listening to music or a podcast while they do them, or talking on the phone, or even (gasp!) doing chores with their partner and chatting about interesting stuff. FUN SIDE QUESTS? F*** ALL THE WAY OFF.
I know some hasn't got access to ie diagnosis, but I don't like the self diagnosis stuff... Because I've mostly seen it used as an excuse or abused (for all genders tbh, buuut mostly men) for ANYTHING, between heaven and earth and beyond - why they can't be nice to people, why they can't think before they speak, why they can't clean, why they can't do anything at all.
My adhd like fun side quests too... So I challenge myself. Can I beat my time from yesterday? How many dishes can I wash in x minutes? Etc. He should be able to think of this himself, I assume he knows how to use Google and social media.
Also chores and self care/maintenance isn't fun or nice sometimes, it just has to be done in the quickest and most effective way, to get it over and freeing up time and energy for other stuff.
Nice upbeat music always helps tho.
Something hit different yesterday when talking with my boyfriend.
I noted that we're TWO people in this relationship. The last 2 years has been all about him, 100%... Two people in a relationship means you split the time and focus into half. One can't take it all. And it goes for everything from free time, to focus, to household labor, etc.
He understood this phrasing.
The "the sun doesn't evolve around you" or "you're not the main character - especially not in my life" and similar phrases was apparently hard to understand the first 347 times. Deep breath, lol.
But lately something has changed, while he's been living another place for a period, to give me some.. Room? Quiet?
We made a list the other day, of everything I've done for the 2 years we've lived together.. It was a lot and there's still more missing. He felt sick in his stomach (good sign I guess).
I ended the document with writing; I have my actual hobbies, you're not one of them. Mic drop. 🎤
I didn't write this. The only reason I know this for sure is because I was with a similar waste of space for 9 years, not 7.
What-should-have-honestly-been-the-straw-but-sadly-wasn't was when I was about 3 months pregnant & we had a 5yo. I was beyond exhausted & miserable, asleep in the middle of a Saturday. He woke me up and said he was about to go to his little hobby (of which I still have none). I said the only reasonable thing one could say in that moment: "What the actual fu¢k?!?!" He went anyway. That was the beginning of the end, but not the end quit yet.
Now the useless sonoffabeach still thinks he's entitled to me free labour. He's diagnosed AuDHD - but so am I - but his is always worse than mine of course and he does so much for me etc.
Let's raise our children (male & female) to be better, both to not accept that behaviour but also not to behave in such a manner!
Personally, I think one day of tallying what you do vs him is enough. Bonus points if you try this on a weekend like I did. My partner didn't even last till 10 am before giving up and conceding that I do A LOT more than he does.
And that was it. We firmly established that he's a lazy jerk and he's happy with that. As expected, he has zero plans to change anything.
I'm really liking Jeff's idea. Get a monster to chase him until he does the dishes. That's fun, right?
Can I say how much I LOVE that you support and write out in detail how to go FULL NUCLEAR...and not even for the purpose of getting him to change (like you said, he'll straighten up just long enough to placate for a bit). The ultimate goal is to expose for HER, the wife, how truly unwilling he is to be an equitable partner. 🙌
I read the first line and mentally exclaimed "oh F(allcapsexpletive) no!"
Side quests? Are you kidding me? This guy is explicitly asking to be treated like a two year old. Let's pretend the dishes are space ships and they need to fly into the dishwasher and end up in proper formation! Extra points for pointing all the artillery (knives and forks) in the right direction, and for not exploding (dropping and breaking) any ships!
ftn.
Ha, his side quest should be getting evaluated for ADHD and figuring out some life hacks to get stuff down, just like many women with ADHD have had to do once they live with a lazy man who triples their workload. (Speaking from experience here..)
Seriously, wtf. Make chores fun? Chores aren’t fun. There are part of life. Grow up and do your chores. Why are men so damn immature?
I like Jeff’s idea too 😂
Divorce time, baby!
Clearly this nam does need some help and guidance. I think she should go back to basics, and start off slowly by giving a chart with stickers and rewards. Every time he successfully goes potty, he can have a star as a reward, that would be fun!
When he gets angry and states that he doesn’t need potty training because he’s an adult, she can just look at him and see if he figures out the logical next step in that progression.
If not, then it’s pretty clear that she is married to a child or at least a person who refuses to grow.
In the bin with him!
Maybe she can put fruit loops in the toilet for him to aim for too. I guarantee this guy pisses on the floor.
Oh definitely!
No stickers if there's a mess left behind.
Loving Jeff's advice 🤣.
In all seriousness, I feel bad for the writer that she's married to someone like her husband when she was raised by someone like her dad. Oof.
I love your husbands advice ahahahahhah
You could really have fun with it.
Chores suck. Adults make them suck less by listening to music or a podcast while they do them, or talking on the phone, or even (gasp!) doing chores with their partner and chatting about interesting stuff. FUN SIDE QUESTS? F*** ALL THE WAY OFF.
Leave the dirty shit in the dishwasher if it isn't clean. Tell him he needs to do them again. It's what I do with my tweens.
Also she isn't blowing up their marriage, he already has. What marriage? She may as well be married to a rubbish tip.
So much fuck to unpack in this, indeed!
I know some hasn't got access to ie diagnosis, but I don't like the self diagnosis stuff... Because I've mostly seen it used as an excuse or abused (for all genders tbh, buuut mostly men) for ANYTHING, between heaven and earth and beyond - why they can't be nice to people, why they can't think before they speak, why they can't clean, why they can't do anything at all.
My adhd like fun side quests too... So I challenge myself. Can I beat my time from yesterday? How many dishes can I wash in x minutes? Etc. He should be able to think of this himself, I assume he knows how to use Google and social media.
Also chores and self care/maintenance isn't fun or nice sometimes, it just has to be done in the quickest and most effective way, to get it over and freeing up time and energy for other stuff.
Nice upbeat music always helps tho.
Something hit different yesterday when talking with my boyfriend.
I noted that we're TWO people in this relationship. The last 2 years has been all about him, 100%... Two people in a relationship means you split the time and focus into half. One can't take it all. And it goes for everything from free time, to focus, to household labor, etc.
He understood this phrasing.
The "the sun doesn't evolve around you" or "you're not the main character - especially not in my life" and similar phrases was apparently hard to understand the first 347 times. Deep breath, lol.
But lately something has changed, while he's been living another place for a period, to give me some.. Room? Quiet?
We made a list the other day, of everything I've done for the 2 years we've lived together.. It was a lot and there's still more missing. He felt sick in his stomach (good sign I guess).
I ended the document with writing; I have my actual hobbies, you're not one of them. Mic drop. 🎤
Yaasssss Jeff 👏👏👏👏👏
“This is a really big suitcase, and it’s full of fuck”. Can someone please make that a tag group on Facebook?
You’re killing it with the advice and the writing Zawn!
I didn't write this. The only reason I know this for sure is because I was with a similar waste of space for 9 years, not 7.
What-should-have-honestly-been-the-straw-but-sadly-wasn't was when I was about 3 months pregnant & we had a 5yo. I was beyond exhausted & miserable, asleep in the middle of a Saturday. He woke me up and said he was about to go to his little hobby (of which I still have none). I said the only reasonable thing one could say in that moment: "What the actual fu¢k?!?!" He went anyway. That was the beginning of the end, but not the end quit yet.
Now the useless sonoffabeach still thinks he's entitled to me free labour. He's diagnosed AuDHD - but so am I - but his is always worse than mine of course and he does so much for me etc.
Let's raise our children (male & female) to be better, both to not accept that behaviour but also not to behave in such a manner!
“Dress up like a wild boar or militant terrorist wielding weapons”. 😂😂😂😂. Omg. That made my morning. Perfection.