Relationship report card: A tool for assessing your relationship (and what you want from your next relationship)

I created a tool to help you objectively assess your relationship.

The sole purpose of a relationship is to make life better for all people within the relationship. This is a core relationship insight that most women never hear. Instead, we teach young girls to focus on being chosen rather than assessing whether a partner or relationship is worth their time.

As a result, that initial rush of dopamine from being “chosen” convinces many of us that a relationship is “good,” that a man is “nice,” and that we’ve found something great. By the time we see things for what they really are, we may already be trapped. And because patriarchy works over time to convince women we are asking too much, that our crazy hormones make us irrational, that it’s unreasonable to have basic needs, and that it’s mean to assess men by any objective standard.

You deserve a relationship that makes your life better. Because otherwise, what’s the point?

And what counts as a good relationship? A relationship that meets your unique needs and desires. The tool I have created looks at what you want and need—not what you think you should want or need, not what I tell you, not what society tells you. You get to list what matters to you, and I offer some guidance. Then, we look at objective measures of abuse and harm, and assign your relationship a final score.

This will work best if you complete it by hand, as a worksheet. You can print this page, or you can simply write down the relevant scores and information. I have provided a simple fillable worksheet you can use to track everything.

And you can use this framework for any relationship, though I tailored it to the typical needs and demands of a romantic relationship. I hope you find it helpful!