'You're never satisfied with anything!' How sexist men escape accountability
Sexist men act like applying any standard at all to them is oppression.
I wrote the original version of this post last year, but the new version is updated in great detail, so I hope you get something out of it even if you’ve already read the original!
Sooner or later, it happens to everyone in a relationship with an entitled manbaby.
You sit down to discuss your needs with him in painstaking detail. You’re calm and rational. You resist crying or yelling. Maybe you even research what to say, and plan the conversation ahead of time. After all, everyone tells women that if only we communicate better, suddenly men will magically turn off patriarchy and become good partners.
You’ve made your argument, and maybe he seems to even be listening. Surely this will be the time he finally gets it, right?
And then he counters with the attack: “You’re never satisfied with anything!”
Suddenly you’re reassuring him that he’s good enough, tallying the times you’ve been satisfying, and insisting that, no, you’re not actually an abusive monster.
Conveniently lost in the discussion is the original issue.
The message he wants to convey is clear: expecting him to live up to any particular standard is oppression, and way worse than anything he could possibly do to you. His desires always come first, and your needs don’t factor in at all.
So what’s going on here? Why is this so effective, and what can you do about it?
Pssst…I’m publishing updates to Feminist Advice Friday letters. If you’ve written me at any point, even if it was super recent or a long time ago, I would love to read your update and share it. Please email updates to zawn@zawn.net.
This is part of a series of bonus content for paid subscribers in which I address some of the weapons men use to deflect blame and avoid accountability. Previous pieces in this series have included:
The weapons sexist men use in fights: “We just have different standards!”
The weapons sexist men use in fights: Blaming women for their reactions to bad behavior
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re never satisfied with anything!”
The arguments sexist men use in fights—and what they really mean
The most important tool men use to maintain household labor inequality
The weapons men use in fights: “You’re so controlling! Stop policing me!”