Resources for women in crisis: Escaping domestic violence, financial assistance, and more

An ongoing list of the best places to seek help

If you’re in an abusive relationship, think you might be, or need an escape plan, you may not know where to turn. Even though most women face abuse at some point, society spends more time instructing us to be nice than it does no how to escape. I’m compiling a comprehensive list of resources below, to help you get out.

This is a community project. I urge you, if you have found a resource that helped you—even if it’s imperfect in some way—to please share it in the comments, and I will update the list. I plan to continue to add resources on an ongoing basis, so check back frequently.

Identifying and understanding abuse

• Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft is a masterclass in understanding abuse, and identifying the dynamics of abusive relationships.

• Gaslighting by Teresa Covert

• Codependent No More by Melanie Beattie

• Everything Clementine Ford

• Decoding Coercive Control with Dr. Emma Katz

• Should I Stay or Should I Go by Lundy Bancroft

• The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

• Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates

Leaving an abusive relationship

• I wrote a guide on escape planning here: If you’re in an abusive relationship and need to leave, here’s what you need to know.

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline can support you in a crisis and connect you to local resources (United States)

• Women’s Aid (UK)

• The Rape, Assault, and Incest National Network offers online and phone support, access to mental health resources, and a host of other support services to people living with the aftermath of sexual violence.

• The D Word: Making the Ultimate Decision About Your Marriage by Kate Anthony

• MyPlan Safety app

• Findhelp.org connects people to a variety of social services.

• Victim Connect Resource Center

General Divorce Support

• Jane Does Well is a great guide to thriving during and after divorce. They also offer a supportive community that can connect you to legal and financial resources.

Legal support

• Many women in abusive relationships have immigration issues to deal with. Find a list of pro bono immigration lawyers in the United States here.

• The way you present your child custody case is everything, and you only have a few minutes. Kaitlyn Jorgensen is a master family court strategist.

• Georgia Legal Aid offers Georgia-specific legal educational materials. It is a project of the Atlanta Legal Aid Society, which provides free legal help.

Financial help

• Your Left Pocket is a mutual aid community focused on marginalized communities.

• 211 is a United Way service that connects people to local financial, legal, and support resources.

• Numerous Jewish free loan organizations offer help to people in need. Here’s one in Houston, but Google to find one in your area. They’re across the globe.

Abortion

Reproductive coercion is a huge tool of abuse, and one of the main ways men trap women. Here are some resources to help you access abortion:

• Abortion Clinics Online offers a vetted, searchable list of abortion clinics across the United States. They also provide a TON of resources, and I wrote a reproductive justice column for them here for years.

• Before and After Abortion can help you decide whether abortion is right for you.

• National Network of Abortion Funds can help you pay for your abortion.

• USA Camping Resource Center—abortion travel help.

• Auntie Network USA—abortion travel help.

Parenting support

Many of these resources are hyper-local, so please consider sharing your own if there’s a great resource in your area:

• Bay Area Crisis Nursery offers respite support, a food pantry, and a ton of other resources for struggling parents.

• Not Fine in School: Family Support for School Attendance Difficulties is an online community dedicated to school refusal/school can’t. There are so many amazing resources here.

• Georgia Parent Support Network for parents of neurodivergent children in Georgia

Recovery from Abuse

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

• The Boundaries Flipchart by Nedra Tawab

Readers, please share the resources that have been most helpful to you, and I’ll add them to the list. Check back frequently, as I will be updating this list on an ongoing basis so that it provides the most possible value.