Ouch. I knew that already, but it's still rough to see it baldly in print like that. I'm gratified to know that at least my instincts were right. Thank you for your honesty.
He didn’t take care of me after I had our son and as a result I came down with terrifyingly horrible PPD. He literally watched me drowning and doing it all and wouldn’t help with the baby. Now he wants me to “stop focusing on the past and move forward so we can have ANOTHER baby”. He also disregards my sexual boundaries constantly. I’m always the last to get in bed and once I do here he comes sliding over to my side to disturb the little sleep I do get because obviously his needs are more important than mine. So annoying!!
I would add; he refuses to discuss financial matters with you, and/or limits your access to money. This is disrespectful and inequitable and means he doesn’t love you enough to value your input and opinion.
I would also add: be deliberately buys you embarrassing or suggestive gifts that give direct hints that he doesn’t like you, your personality or your body. Example: buying you a vacuum cleaner, weight loss books or an exercise machine you did not ask for.
Also; arranges major projects without your input, like booking holidays, buying a new car etc.. disregard and disrespect for your opinion and input = No love
When you fight he makes low ball comments like, get out of my house, you’re crazy, PND isn’t real you’re just lazy.
I have so many more but I guess they all come under the umbrella of disrespect and invalidation.
He uses the phrases "but you didn't ask/tell me" or worse yet "you didn't remind me" - but he has a million excuses if you prove that you did ask/tell/remind ("you know I'm forgetful" yet he can keep every detail of two D&D campaigns in his head & he never forgets anything work-related or anything you said 10 years ago).
He has the audacity to scream at you that your parents' abuse & your previous husband's disloyalty, including bigamy & two children by another woman, were not only your fault but desired by you so you could "score points." No idea what that means, especially as he is the ultimate injustice collector & can remember all your inadequacies from the day you met, but "forget" his own -- including the day they happen.
“Start with tell them then that a whole lot of men hate their partners.” I wish someone would have told me how many hateful/abusive men are out there! It’s downright terrifying, especially when they are the covert type who don’t show their true colors until you’re invested in the relationship. Every girl/woman needs to know the odds and plan accordingly as much as is humanly possible.
Ouch. I knew that already, but it's still rough to see it baldly in print like that. I'm gratified to know that at least my instincts were right. Thank you for your honesty.
I think what I wrestle with is how and when it changed. He used to do all this. Then... he didn't.
He didn’t take care of me after I had our son and as a result I came down with terrifyingly horrible PPD. He literally watched me drowning and doing it all and wouldn’t help with the baby. Now he wants me to “stop focusing on the past and move forward so we can have ANOTHER baby”. He also disregards my sexual boundaries constantly. I’m always the last to get in bed and once I do here he comes sliding over to my side to disturb the little sleep I do get because obviously his needs are more important than mine. So annoying!!
I would add; he refuses to discuss financial matters with you, and/or limits your access to money. This is disrespectful and inequitable and means he doesn’t love you enough to value your input and opinion.
I would also add: be deliberately buys you embarrassing or suggestive gifts that give direct hints that he doesn’t like you, your personality or your body. Example: buying you a vacuum cleaner, weight loss books or an exercise machine you did not ask for.
Also; arranges major projects without your input, like booking holidays, buying a new car etc.. disregard and disrespect for your opinion and input = No love
When you fight he makes low ball comments like, get out of my house, you’re crazy, PND isn’t real you’re just lazy.
I have so many more but I guess they all come under the umbrella of disrespect and invalidation.
He uses the phrases "but you didn't ask/tell me" or worse yet "you didn't remind me" - but he has a million excuses if you prove that you did ask/tell/remind ("you know I'm forgetful" yet he can keep every detail of two D&D campaigns in his head & he never forgets anything work-related or anything you said 10 years ago).
He has the audacity to scream at you that your parents' abuse & your previous husband's disloyalty, including bigamy & two children by another woman, were not only your fault but desired by you so you could "score points." No idea what that means, especially as he is the ultimate injustice collector & can remember all your inadequacies from the day you met, but "forget" his own -- including the day they happen.
“Start with tell them then that a whole lot of men hate their partners.” I wish someone would have told me how many hateful/abusive men are out there! It’s downright terrifying, especially when they are the covert type who don’t show their true colors until you’re invested in the relationship. Every girl/woman needs to know the odds and plan accordingly as much as is humanly possible.