Ouch. I knew that already, but it's still rough to see it baldly in print like that. I'm gratified to know that at least my instincts were right. Thank you for your honesty.
Abuse does not have to be physical. Both of you deserve to live up to your full potential, and to experience real love. I hope you will find a way out.
Very likely, it changed after he knew he’d “tied you down” in a serious relationship.
This happened with me too - it was downright scary how becoming serious was such a sudden cue for him to stop being considerate and become an entitled child demanding this and that from his new second mommy.
They do it like it’s not supposed to be so bleeding obvious this romantic “consideration” was all a fake performance to begin with.
He didn’t take care of me after I had our son and as a result I came down with terrifyingly horrible PPD. He literally watched me drowning and doing it all and wouldn’t help with the baby. Now he wants me to “stop focusing on the past and move forward so we can have ANOTHER baby”. He also disregards my sexual boundaries constantly. I’m always the last to get in bed and once I do here he comes sliding over to my side to disturb the little sleep I do get because obviously his needs are more important than mine. So annoying!!
I would add; he refuses to discuss financial matters with you, and/or limits your access to money. This is disrespectful and inequitable and means he doesn’t love you enough to value your input and opinion.
I would also add: be deliberately buys you embarrassing or suggestive gifts that give direct hints that he doesn’t like you, your personality or your body. Example: buying you a vacuum cleaner, weight loss books or an exercise machine you did not ask for.
Also; arranges major projects without your input, like booking holidays, buying a new car etc.. disregard and disrespect for your opinion and input = No love
When you fight he makes low ball comments like, get out of my house, you’re crazy, PND isn’t real you’re just lazy.
I have so many more but I guess they all come under the umbrella of disrespect and invalidation.
He uses the phrases "but you didn't ask/tell me" or worse yet "you didn't remind me" - but he has a million excuses if you prove that you did ask/tell/remind ("you know I'm forgetful" yet he can keep every detail of two D&D campaigns in his head & he never forgets anything work-related or anything you said 10 years ago).
He has the audacity to scream at you that your parents' abuse & your previous husband's disloyalty, including bigamy & two children by another woman, were not only your fault but desired by you so you could "score points." No idea what that means, especially as he is the ultimate injustice collector & can remember all your inadequacies from the day you met, but "forget" his own -- including the day they happen.
“Start with tell them then that a whole lot of men hate their partners.” I wish someone would have told me how many hateful/abusive men are out there! It’s downright terrifying, especially when they are the covert type who don’t show their true colors until you’re invested in the relationship. Every girl/woman needs to know the odds and plan accordingly as much as is humanly possible.
I know your content focuses on cis and heteronormative relationships. Looking forward one day to content focusing on transmen. Would you consider writing on that topic one day? Thanks!
What do you want me to write about trans men? And you just accused me of centering men in my work, so why would you want me to write about anything? If there's something you want to read about trans men, I suggest you write it.
Ouch. I knew that already, but it's still rough to see it baldly in print like that. I'm gratified to know that at least my instincts were right. Thank you for your honesty.
I felt the same way reading it. It’s so hard to read one after another while you check each box.
Abuse does not have to be physical. Both of you deserve to live up to your full potential, and to experience real love. I hope you will find a way out.
Thank you. I have hope, too.
I think what I wrestle with is how and when it changed. He used to do all this. Then... he didn't.
Same!!
Very likely, it changed after he knew he’d “tied you down” in a serious relationship.
This happened with me too - it was downright scary how becoming serious was such a sudden cue for him to stop being considerate and become an entitled child demanding this and that from his new second mommy.
They do it like it’s not supposed to be so bleeding obvious this romantic “consideration” was all a fake performance to begin with.
He didn’t take care of me after I had our son and as a result I came down with terrifyingly horrible PPD. He literally watched me drowning and doing it all and wouldn’t help with the baby. Now he wants me to “stop focusing on the past and move forward so we can have ANOTHER baby”. He also disregards my sexual boundaries constantly. I’m always the last to get in bed and once I do here he comes sliding over to my side to disturb the little sleep I do get because obviously his needs are more important than mine. So annoying!!
I would add; he refuses to discuss financial matters with you, and/or limits your access to money. This is disrespectful and inequitable and means he doesn’t love you enough to value your input and opinion.
I would also add: be deliberately buys you embarrassing or suggestive gifts that give direct hints that he doesn’t like you, your personality or your body. Example: buying you a vacuum cleaner, weight loss books or an exercise machine you did not ask for.
Also; arranges major projects without your input, like booking holidays, buying a new car etc.. disregard and disrespect for your opinion and input = No love
When you fight he makes low ball comments like, get out of my house, you’re crazy, PND isn’t real you’re just lazy.
I have so many more but I guess they all come under the umbrella of disrespect and invalidation.
He uses the phrases "but you didn't ask/tell me" or worse yet "you didn't remind me" - but he has a million excuses if you prove that you did ask/tell/remind ("you know I'm forgetful" yet he can keep every detail of two D&D campaigns in his head & he never forgets anything work-related or anything you said 10 years ago).
He has the audacity to scream at you that your parents' abuse & your previous husband's disloyalty, including bigamy & two children by another woman, were not only your fault but desired by you so you could "score points." No idea what that means, especially as he is the ultimate injustice collector & can remember all your inadequacies from the day you met, but "forget" his own -- including the day they happen.
“Start with tell them then that a whole lot of men hate their partners.” I wish someone would have told me how many hateful/abusive men are out there! It’s downright terrifying, especially when they are the covert type who don’t show their true colors until you’re invested in the relationship. Every girl/woman needs to know the odds and plan accordingly as much as is humanly possible.
The line "The existence of the clitoris is widespread knowledge. " makes my heart sing!
Funny you say not all women have clitorises but don't say not all men have penises. More centering of men!
What are you on about?
I know your content focuses on cis and heteronormative relationships. Looking forward one day to content focusing on transmen. Would you consider writing on that topic one day? Thanks!
What do you want me to write about trans men? And you just accused me of centering men in my work, so why would you want me to write about anything? If there's something you want to read about trans men, I suggest you write it.