Some thoughts on talking to your child about hard things: Feminist Parenting

Why is it so hard to talk about death, sex, and discrimination?

I constantly get questions from readers asking me to help them talk to their children about death, illness, disability, sex, abuse, and discrimination. I relish the opportunity to give parents some talking points, because I find that I actually really enjoy talking to my kids about the supposedly challenging topics.

The reason we struggle to talk with our kids about some subjects and not others is because there is something about the “hard” topics that we have not yet come to terms with ourselves. As I’ve written before, what makes parents most anxious about discussing death is their own death anxiety. Sex gets a similar treatment; the more unresolved sexual trauma you have, the harder it’s going to be both to talk about sex and to avoid passing that trauma on.

This is a frustrating reality because it suggests that you have to heal all trauma and discomfort before you can safely talk to your kids about anything. None of us can ever fully heal from everything, certainly not in time to talk to our kids. And I don’t think it’s necessary. I have plenty of sexual trauma, and the deaths of people I love remain a constant source of distress.

Here are my tips for talking about the topics that feel most difficult.