I had THREE marriage counselors in a row tell me that my expectations were simply too high, and I wasn't even asking for much. I just wanted little things like laundry actually being put in the hamper, cabinet doors being closed, dishes not being left for me every night after I got the baby to bed. In each instance I was told to change. Not him.
Wow that's so true! All of it! I did eventually get divorced anyway. I felt like I had to "do everything I could" first. It was all a huge waste of time,, money, and energy 💯
"Cabinet doors being closed" 😱😱😱 What a demanding woman. I'm so sorry Amber; that is utterly ridiculous. This is part of why I'm so skittish about pursuing couples counseling.
Yeah, myself and a number of friends who experienced therapy were told that our standards are too high for cleaning, and that we need to let go of control. So instead of recognizing that our partner (who in my case had an absolute college boy-slob level of cleanliness) was not behaving like a grown-up, the counselor emboldened his shitty, childish behavior AND gave him fuel to inappropriately gaslight me, and label me as controlling. In my case, this resulted in years of gaslighting abuse in many other regions of our relationship. Thank you therapist! 😡
Wow - this is too true! It feels like besides quiet quitting or divorce, women's options are limited in a patriarchal society. Any way women can move this forward for ourselves? Besides grow a generation of children up to view this inequity as completely unacceptable?
My 8 year old on observation alone already got that message, "Mommy, why do people get married? They can just be roommates. I think I would prefer that!"
I appreciate you calling it like it is. And pointing out problematic messaging even from popular authors. It’s so easy to drink in what these “experts” say but we must be critical of everyone.
I had THREE marriage counselors in a row tell me that my expectations were simply too high, and I wasn't even asking for much. I just wanted little things like laundry actually being put in the hamper, cabinet doors being closed, dishes not being left for me every night after I got the baby to bed. In each instance I was told to change. Not him.
Wow.
This is exactly why I advise against couples counseling: https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-couples-counseling-wont-solve
Wow that's so true! All of it! I did eventually get divorced anyway. I felt like I had to "do everything I could" first. It was all a huge waste of time,, money, and energy 💯
"Cabinet doors being closed" 😱😱😱 What a demanding woman. I'm so sorry Amber; that is utterly ridiculous. This is part of why I'm so skittish about pursuing couples counseling.
Yeah, myself and a number of friends who experienced therapy were told that our standards are too high for cleaning, and that we need to let go of control. So instead of recognizing that our partner (who in my case had an absolute college boy-slob level of cleanliness) was not behaving like a grown-up, the counselor emboldened his shitty, childish behavior AND gave him fuel to inappropriately gaslight me, and label me as controlling. In my case, this resulted in years of gaslighting abuse in many other regions of our relationship. Thank you therapist! 😡
Incredible post. Thank you Zawn.
Dr Becky, nooooo 😭💔
Wow - this is too true! It feels like besides quiet quitting or divorce, women's options are limited in a patriarchal society. Any way women can move this forward for ourselves? Besides grow a generation of children up to view this inequity as completely unacceptable?
Definitely agree with putting efforts towards the children!
My 8 year old on observation alone already got that message, "Mommy, why do people get married? They can just be roommates. I think I would prefer that!"
I appreciate you calling it like it is. And pointing out problematic messaging even from popular authors. It’s so easy to drink in what these “experts” say but we must be critical of everyone.