Here's what my survey data shows about why women don't want to have sex. Hint: They tend to avoid sex with men who treat them like garbage and/or who are bad in bed.
Omjeezus!? The “Betrayal trauma. I also don’t believe he is into ‘me’ - his porn addiction and frequent visit to swingers sites (messaging hundreds of women) means I believe he doesn’t want sex with me specifically, he just wants sex, and anyone would do but as I’m his wife, it makes sense for it to be me.”
You should try it, We a seen need to wake up, its taken me a long time to change and see what a shitty husband Ive been but ive woken up no and have dedicated my life to learning to become the best husband and father I can be
I wish my wife had sent me an article like this years ago, it would have saved me a lot of pain.
Buy a copy of better man better marriage and accidentally leave it on the table, i don't think i've ver had so many " Oh wow what an arsehole Ive been" moments from anything else
Update: I moved out on Sunday into my own apartment.
On Monday morning, my husband emailed me:
"Marriage takes hard work and reading self-help books is not that. If you spent 1% of the time you spent reading self-reinforcing BS and spent that time instead on our relationship then we might be in a much better place.
I love you but you are a control freak and you control all the important things in our relationship. I do my fair share around the house and if you don't see that then so be it......yeah, it is all about the dishes and the patriarchy. I am a good father, I work hard at my job and I try to be a good husband, but you don't respect any of those things. "
..."I do respect you but I feel that you do not respect our relationship. Our marriage is a sex-starved marriage and you are not willing to face that. "
We met on Monday afternoon and had a long conversation. He listened to some relationship podcasts I had sent and SUDDENLY ON TUESDAY (today), he has completely changed! He now says that he now realises that he was not an attentive enough husband, he was a bad husband, and he has a lot of emotional growth work to do!
If he did, he will surely see my name on comments allover Substack. I have had to block him on several social media platforms as he criticises my posts/profiles/content/accounts I follow.
Even though I missed my chance to complete this survey, I feel like these responses could have been me. And that makes me Very Sad - for the women who continually endure The Worst, most abusive behaviors from men who claim to love them.
It's no wonder that a majority of American men voted for the orange toilet. He encourages them to weaponize the words “love and protection” as a justification to silence women, infantilize and strip away our rights, AND erase/ignore actual harms done to women. This is not love or care — it is domination cloaked in the language of care. But we all knew that.
Wow. Well done.
Can I get a link to the full data?
It's embedded in the post. Just click on the link.
Omjeezus!? The “Betrayal trauma. I also don’t believe he is into ‘me’ - his porn addiction and frequent visit to swingers sites (messaging hundreds of women) means I believe he doesn’t want sex with me specifically, he just wants sex, and anyone would do but as I’m his wife, it makes sense for it to be me.”
This is heartbreaking.
Yep. I experienced something eerily similar. I just wanted to be kissed by someone who was into me.
Yup, don't be an asshole and be a kind and competent father. Nothing I wouldn't do for you then.
literally my only job as a parent of boys is to raise them not to be assholes. men why
I would love to be able to send this piece to my husband. But he would get offended.
You should try it, We a seen need to wake up, its taken me a long time to change and see what a shitty husband Ive been but ive woken up no and have dedicated my life to learning to become the best husband and father I can be
I wish my wife had sent me an article like this years ago, it would have saved me a lot of pain.
Buy a copy of better man better marriage and accidentally leave it on the table, i don't think i've ver had so many " Oh wow what an arsehole Ive been" moments from anything else
Thanks for the encouragement, but I have tried many, many times. He thinks he already knows all he needs to know.
Update: I moved out on Sunday into my own apartment.
On Monday morning, my husband emailed me:
"Marriage takes hard work and reading self-help books is not that. If you spent 1% of the time you spent reading self-reinforcing BS and spent that time instead on our relationship then we might be in a much better place.
I love you but you are a control freak and you control all the important things in our relationship. I do my fair share around the house and if you don't see that then so be it......yeah, it is all about the dishes and the patriarchy. I am a good father, I work hard at my job and I try to be a good husband, but you don't respect any of those things. "
..."I do respect you but I feel that you do not respect our relationship. Our marriage is a sex-starved marriage and you are not willing to face that. "
We met on Monday afternoon and had a long conversation. He listened to some relationship podcasts I had sent and SUDDENLY ON TUESDAY (today), he has completely changed! He now says that he now realises that he was not an attentive enough husband, he was a bad husband, and he has a lot of emotional growth work to do!
I think your husband may have contacted me today. If you feel comfortable, you can message me his name or email.
Yikes!
If he did, he will surely see my name on comments allover Substack. I have had to block him on several social media platforms as he criticises my posts/profiles/content/accounts I follow.
Please PLEEEAAASE tell me you aren't falling for that.
Nope. 4 months out, no regrets on leaving. I have drastically reduced our interactions as it always descends into extreme unpleasantness.
I'm glad for you. It's hard but worth it!
Even though I missed my chance to complete this survey, I feel like these responses could have been me. And that makes me Very Sad - for the women who continually endure The Worst, most abusive behaviors from men who claim to love them.
It's no wonder that a majority of American men voted for the orange toilet. He encourages them to weaponize the words “love and protection” as a justification to silence women, infantilize and strip away our rights, AND erase/ignore actual harms done to women. This is not love or care — it is domination cloaked in the language of care. But we all knew that.
I've pointed out in many comment threads that men wouldn't want to have much sex either if they knew they would never orgasm. Who would want that?
Excellent reasoning there!!