I was asked this recently, by a male acquaintance who objected to my use of the word 'patriarchy' in a sentence. Said he felt 'abused' by it, and by me saying that men are socialised to be independent and not care about feelings or needs. Mumbled some nonsense about feminism being a 'zero sum game.' He asked me, all wide-eyed and in hushed tones, as if he was really going the extra mile in the vulnerability department, and as if he was asking me to confess some deep dark secret that he was intrigued by and simultaneously terrified by: "Do you hate men?" I burst into laughter and said, "Unfortunately, no." He looked tremendously relieved.
He's brown, like me, and we've had plenty of chats about our shared experiences of racism. In hindsight, I should have just retorted , "Do you hate white people?" to show him how absurd his question was. Naming harm does not constitute *causing* harm. Naming who causes that harm does not constitute expressing *hatred* of that class of people.
I haven’t been asked about being a nam hater for ages.
Can’t wait until the next time, I’m at the point where I feel like just fixing the asker with a LOOK and saying how much I enjoy drinking nam tears and that the official memo already went out informing us that the patriarchy will be burned down next Tuesday at 1:30pm.
Yeah I no longer care what others think about my experience and feelings. I don't need to debate or defend.
When they say that. The most apt response is definitely, thank you! Or I know I am, but what are you? ;)
I was asked this recently, by a male acquaintance who objected to my use of the word 'patriarchy' in a sentence. Said he felt 'abused' by it, and by me saying that men are socialised to be independent and not care about feelings or needs. Mumbled some nonsense about feminism being a 'zero sum game.' He asked me, all wide-eyed and in hushed tones, as if he was really going the extra mile in the vulnerability department, and as if he was asking me to confess some deep dark secret that he was intrigued by and simultaneously terrified by: "Do you hate men?" I burst into laughter and said, "Unfortunately, no." He looked tremendously relieved.
He's brown, like me, and we've had plenty of chats about our shared experiences of racism. In hindsight, I should have just retorted , "Do you hate white people?" to show him how absurd his question was. Naming harm does not constitute *causing* harm. Naming who causes that harm does not constitute expressing *hatred* of that class of people.
I haven’t been asked about being a nam hater for ages.
Can’t wait until the next time, I’m at the point where I feel like just fixing the asker with a LOOK and saying how much I enjoy drinking nam tears and that the official memo already went out informing us that the patriarchy will be burned down next Tuesday at 1:30pm.
Then I’ll just get on with my day.