Based on the ridiculous things they say and do, here's what men really think about women (and why you should think twice before your next relationship with a man).
Ladies, get in the habit of telling your husband “If all you wanted to do is go to work and then come home and sit on your a$$ with nothing further expected of you, then marriage and kids was the wrong lifestyle choice!” I have said this to my own spouse several times over the years. He doesn’t much like it, and I’m sure he’d describe me as being bitchy in those moments, but so what. It’s still true. 🤷🏻♀️
Mine likes to tell me he is only working because of the kids and me, so it's my fault he's not living his apparent dream life of living off the land in the woods.
- So if he wasn’t married/didn’t have kids, he’d be living off the grid in the woods? That is a very specific lifestyle and unless he’s an intense survivalist, he’s dreaming if he thinks that’s at all realistic.
- In saying that to you, he is playing a power game because he KNOWS that even while he’s being truly hurtful, you (because you are dependent on his paycheck) can’t kick him out. So he’s allowed to be an a$$hole to you, and in his mind you just have to take it.
I’m not going to tell you “just leave him” because we both know that’s a complex financial undertaking. If couples therapy isn’t an option, put as much physical and mental space between you and him and be prepared to stick it out until the kids are older.
This may be the most validating comment I've ever read lol. I appreciate you voicing further what people who know him say, as well. The "running away" dream has also looked like living on a sailboat, selling everything and "becoming a custodian so I can get a retirement" (??), etc. I do feel EXTREMELY stuck while I've been trying to cobble together means to get out with the kids, so I thank you for saying what I hadn't quite put together: that it's just another form of abuse from him :/
I definitely "quiet quit," per Zawn's words, awhile ago, and have been trying to focus on the kids and me... but he's definitely upping his game, because the last month or two has turned into him 'quiet quitting" parenting, it seems like...
Many, many men pull a LOT of shish, and play a LOT of emotionally abusive games, based on their wife’s dependency on them. And lots of men get away with just up and leaving their families, and going off to live a life of no responsibility, with few consequences.
I think if I were you, I *might* get to the point of responding (to him)
that maybe he should go stay in a hotel for a few days, and decide how commit the wants to be to his marriage and family. Or maybe he could go camp “off the grid” for a weekend, and get a taste of what he seems to want.
This is what I now say. Mine likes to tell me that he "deserves to relax (on the back of my labor!) after working at an incredibly stressful job". Nevermind that I too worked a high pressure job until I became chronically ill at the same company in a similar environment, and even now contribute a portion (albeit smaller) of my disability income to the household.
Emotionally and mentally quitting the relationship until our child's older has made a huge difference. I still say this though because it's a reminder that if I do leave, he'd be in the same job situation AND have to take on more parenting responsibility than he does today singlehandedly.
Another marvelous piece! Plus when a new article drops notifications are coming to my inbox now. The only thing I disagree on is the idea that at this point there is no innate pattern in male behavior. It is far too prevalent regardless of sexuality to deny. Also, as Marilyn Frye stated males are indeed homoerotic. They definitely take their cues from other males. Their objectification and exploitation of girls and women is as necessary for them as the oxygen they need to breath. This supply and demand continues to be written by feminists writers. Also just navigating around boys and men in any male dominated industry and you see this (boy’s club) interplay daily.
Idk if you saw it or not, but someone just posted in my group about her boyfriend who won't go down on her. Because of course vaginas are gross. We have a name for people who don't like women's bodies, and it's not straight man. So many self identified straight men are not actually interested in women at all.
Yes, I saw that. I believe she was also the one who commented he was mad at her for not swallowing. I was like woman, stop you have got to me kidding me. Everyday day I hear men say they don’t do blood and that is a female thing. They irk me.
Marriage is a property system. A veener of “love” and “romance” and “intimate relationship” has been plastered over a process of procurement, purchase, maintenance and replacement of women. Men buy women from other men to use for labor, sex and to produce heirs to transfer clan property to. The use of women are those three: sex, reproduction and menial labor (and what labor is considered menial changes wildly depending on the economic circumstances, but it always includes childcare and cleaning). Women are primarily living economic units, appliances, commodities, product, livestock. Woman was the first automaton, the first slave, the first machine, the first AI.
All of the attitudes men have towards women and marriage are based on that economic arrangement. Men are hypocritically indignant about being providers because “provider” is a euphemism for customer, purchaser, owner. Men are willing to pay for women and children as long as they maintain control over them. Post divorce, they have returned the items and don’t think it’s fair they must continue to maintain property they have no control over.
No matter how many times this is explained and demonstrated to women, whether it’s by men or by other women, women keep believing something else (and I don’t exclude myself) because the reality is so grim, and the promise of a loving, equal, respectful relationship is so sweet to us. It’s our responsibility to get real and create a way out.
Yup my STBX repeatedly has said “I do more than any other man I know” (which of course isn’t all that much as we can tell from these posts and comments), however ALL of that he does do has come at a cost. He’s angry, perpetually grouchy, controlling and resentful not to mention devoid of any sex drive.
I think this covers my experience very well. I have reached most of these conclusions myself but it helps to see it written down so clearly, a protection against feeling insane. It so important that this information is widely known so that fewer women’s lives are ruined. Plan to stay happily single forever.
One of the major things that occurred that made me check out of my marriage is my husband actually sitting me down and telling me that once he got an upcoming big promotion, he was going to focus more on his career over me and our kids. He told me he was aware me and the kids would most likely resent him for it, but it was something he had to do for a few years. At that point, I desired nothing less than remove myself and my kids from the situation. I refuse to be a prop to my husband while he pursues the things that are actually important to him (his career).
Wild, because you taking care of his house and home are *why* he can focus on his career. I’m proud of you for recognizing that and refusing to prop him up.
Ladies, get in the habit of telling your husband “If all you wanted to do is go to work and then come home and sit on your a$$ with nothing further expected of you, then marriage and kids was the wrong lifestyle choice!” I have said this to my own spouse several times over the years. He doesn’t much like it, and I’m sure he’d describe me as being bitchy in those moments, but so what. It’s still true. 🤷🏻♀️
Mine likes to tell me he is only working because of the kids and me, so it's my fault he's not living his apparent dream life of living off the land in the woods.
There’s so much to unpack, in your comment:
- So if he wasn’t married/didn’t have kids, he’d be living off the grid in the woods? That is a very specific lifestyle and unless he’s an intense survivalist, he’s dreaming if he thinks that’s at all realistic.
- In saying that to you, he is playing a power game because he KNOWS that even while he’s being truly hurtful, you (because you are dependent on his paycheck) can’t kick him out. So he’s allowed to be an a$$hole to you, and in his mind you just have to take it.
I’m not going to tell you “just leave him” because we both know that’s a complex financial undertaking. If couples therapy isn’t an option, put as much physical and mental space between you and him and be prepared to stick it out until the kids are older.
This may be the most validating comment I've ever read lol. I appreciate you voicing further what people who know him say, as well. The "running away" dream has also looked like living on a sailboat, selling everything and "becoming a custodian so I can get a retirement" (??), etc. I do feel EXTREMELY stuck while I've been trying to cobble together means to get out with the kids, so I thank you for saying what I hadn't quite put together: that it's just another form of abuse from him :/
I definitely "quiet quit," per Zawn's words, awhile ago, and have been trying to focus on the kids and me... but he's definitely upping his game, because the last month or two has turned into him 'quiet quitting" parenting, it seems like...
Many, many men pull a LOT of shish, and play a LOT of emotionally abusive games, based on their wife’s dependency on them. And lots of men get away with just up and leaving their families, and going off to live a life of no responsibility, with few consequences.
I think if I were you, I *might* get to the point of responding (to him)
that maybe he should go stay in a hotel for a few days, and decide how commit the wants to be to his marriage and family. Or maybe he could go camp “off the grid” for a weekend, and get a taste of what he seems to want.
This is what I now say. Mine likes to tell me that he "deserves to relax (on the back of my labor!) after working at an incredibly stressful job". Nevermind that I too worked a high pressure job until I became chronically ill at the same company in a similar environment, and even now contribute a portion (albeit smaller) of my disability income to the household.
Emotionally and mentally quitting the relationship until our child's older has made a huge difference. I still say this though because it's a reminder that if I do leave, he'd be in the same job situation AND have to take on more parenting responsibility than he does today singlehandedly.
Another marvelous piece! Plus when a new article drops notifications are coming to my inbox now. The only thing I disagree on is the idea that at this point there is no innate pattern in male behavior. It is far too prevalent regardless of sexuality to deny. Also, as Marilyn Frye stated males are indeed homoerotic. They definitely take their cues from other males. Their objectification and exploitation of girls and women is as necessary for them as the oxygen they need to breath. This supply and demand continues to be written by feminists writers. Also just navigating around boys and men in any male dominated industry and you see this (boy’s club) interplay daily.
Idk if you saw it or not, but someone just posted in my group about her boyfriend who won't go down on her. Because of course vaginas are gross. We have a name for people who don't like women's bodies, and it's not straight man. So many self identified straight men are not actually interested in women at all.
Yes, I saw that. I believe she was also the one who commented he was mad at her for not swallowing. I was like woman, stop you have got to me kidding me. Everyday day I hear men say they don’t do blood and that is a female thing. They irk me.
What group is there and where can I find it?
It's on Facebook. Liberating Motherhood.
Men believe that a wife is an appliance. It’s really that simple.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 & ☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️
Marriage is a property system. A veener of “love” and “romance” and “intimate relationship” has been plastered over a process of procurement, purchase, maintenance and replacement of women. Men buy women from other men to use for labor, sex and to produce heirs to transfer clan property to. The use of women are those three: sex, reproduction and menial labor (and what labor is considered menial changes wildly depending on the economic circumstances, but it always includes childcare and cleaning). Women are primarily living economic units, appliances, commodities, product, livestock. Woman was the first automaton, the first slave, the first machine, the first AI.
All of the attitudes men have towards women and marriage are based on that economic arrangement. Men are hypocritically indignant about being providers because “provider” is a euphemism for customer, purchaser, owner. Men are willing to pay for women and children as long as they maintain control over them. Post divorce, they have returned the items and don’t think it’s fair they must continue to maintain property they have no control over.
No matter how many times this is explained and demonstrated to women, whether it’s by men or by other women, women keep believing something else (and I don’t exclude myself) because the reality is so grim, and the promise of a loving, equal, respectful relationship is so sweet to us. It’s our responsibility to get real and create a way out.
Yup my STBX repeatedly has said “I do more than any other man I know” (which of course isn’t all that much as we can tell from these posts and comments), however ALL of that he does do has come at a cost. He’s angry, perpetually grouchy, controlling and resentful not to mention devoid of any sex drive.
Oof. Mine too!
Deadly accurate.
I think this covers my experience very well. I have reached most of these conclusions myself but it helps to see it written down so clearly, a protection against feeling insane. It so important that this information is widely known so that fewer women’s lives are ruined. Plan to stay happily single forever.
One of the major things that occurred that made me check out of my marriage is my husband actually sitting me down and telling me that once he got an upcoming big promotion, he was going to focus more on his career over me and our kids. He told me he was aware me and the kids would most likely resent him for it, but it was something he had to do for a few years. At that point, I desired nothing less than remove myself and my kids from the situation. I refuse to be a prop to my husband while he pursues the things that are actually important to him (his career).
Wild, because you taking care of his house and home are *why* he can focus on his career. I’m proud of you for recognizing that and refusing to prop him up.
I so very much wish that someone had given me this information decades ago.