Why are so many men awful to their partners on Valentine's Day? Paid subscriber bonus
Neglect and emotional abuse are the most common gifts women get for Valentine's Day. Pretending otherwise serves an important purpose.
“My husband refuses to get me anything for Valentine’s Day, and tells me I’m a spoiled princess for wanting to celebrate this ‘Hallmark Holiday.”
“I asked my husband for a $4 bouquet of flowers this year and a chocolate bar. He refused, but then demanded sex as his right for the holiday, and yelled at me until I gave in.”
“I spent about a day designing and custom-making a keepsake watch for my husband for his first year as a father. When the big day came, he laughed at me when I told him it hurt my feelings that he did nothing for me.”
One of the ways I can tell Valentine’s Day (or, honestly, any gift-giving holiday) is approaching is that suddenly more women being sharing stories of mistreatment with me. My inbox becomes unmanageable, just like sexist men’s treatment of their partners around the holidays.
The vision we’re sold of Valentine’s Day involves pampered women getting unconditional love from men who will do anything to please their partners. The reality is that, for most heterosexual women, Valentine’s Day is a painful reminder of how little effort their partners are willing to expend, and often of the fact that their partners don’t love them at all.
Every holiday is made up.
Every holiday is commercialized.
Why is it that men only seem to care about these realities when doing so offers an easy escape from doing something nice for their partners?
Let’s be clear: If it’s important to you, and within his capabilities to do, your partner’s refusal to do something kind for you—such as celebrating Valentine’s Day—is a deliberate act of meanness designed to diminish you.
The cycle of abuse and gaslighting women endure around Valentine’s Day perfectly replicates and exemplifies the wider culture of abuse to which we subject women, and especially wives and mothers.
If you want to celebrate the holiday, and your partner refuses year after year, that’s not actually a small issue at all. Here’s why.