You said it! But I fear not many men will actually listen. Many will just refuse to recognize themselves in this terrible depiction. But it is the 100% truth. I would also add, does not want sex with someone who cheats on her, lies to her, hides household
money to use on himself, never admits he is in the wrong, never does any self-scrutiny or introspection. All big turnoffs.
Agree! And neither do women want sex with someone who simply won’t put any effort into talking with (not at) her and communicating about both the important things and the smaller things, on a sustained daily basis!
Yes, 100%. Each of these could be its own article!
On the topic of mystery, I have often thought about how washing a man's crusty socks for decades on end will eventually erode desire and interest. How many men have to maintain sexual desire for their wives after dealing with her filthy clothes the same day?
“Remarkably, women can talk, so we don’t have to speculate about what they want. We can ask them.” This is one of the best things I’ve ever read. Who knew!!
I think a fairly large hurdle to get over (and I have no idea as to how) is that the narrative porn sells men is very different. Also, far too many men seem to have no real grasp on how porn-sickness has affected their perceptions and lives.
I hope your articulate and thoughtful message can reach a wide audience. Thank you!
It’s both laughable and depressing that men need this spelt out to them in this way. All of these things are such BASICS to simply being a nice and kind human. It’s horrendous how many men simply aren’t. And on top of that, they don’t even believe they have a problem.
Mason paid for my Substack so he could leave a bunch of angry comments here. "I'm big mad that women want men who don't stink and can make them orgasm and I'm going to pay you to tell you how mad I am" is...not the flex he seems to think it is.
Something my husband always did was wait until I was lying comfortably in bed reading and scooch up behind me and try to shove it in.
On other occasions, he'd gently rub my back, moving slowly down to grope me elsewhere. This sounds really nice and might have been enticing if I hadn't already told him how tired and ill I was or said no.
The worst part is that he was never affectionate outside of being turned on. I could tell he wanted sex by the way he spoke to me or if he waz in a nice mood and eventually those things became actual turn off's for me.
I tried for 25yrs to give him sex when he wanted it, and obviously it wasn't good. I now have significant trauma from giving in, forcing myself to do things that I hated. I moved out almost a year ago and I can't even take care of my own needs because of it. I feel panic if I start to feel turned on, because it was used against me for so many years.
Please don't let anyone do this to you. When you realise that sex is a problem, seriously think about how bad it can get and put yourself first.
"The worst part is that he was never affectionate outside of being turned on." This part right here. I bet this is how it is in for so many relationships, I certainly have experienced this from almost every single man I've ever been in a relationship with, it's like a begging dog, extremely off putting! The other is performative affection, where they're trying to make themselves look like they're great partners, but only when other people are around.
Whoa. The whole part about excitement and how men keep having it in monogamy because they actually don't know what's going to happen (because they're not involved) and how women are bored in monogamy because nothing changes for her.
Every woman I know is working on herself and has a partner who is not.
I was the most sexual woman ever. Until years of most of what you describe absolutely annihilated any feeling of safety, peace or connection, destroyed comfort and life progress, ensured ever-present exhaustion, wrought unspeakable stress, and made me feel like a vending machine. I'm still a sexual being, I just never get to experience it, and neither will he, because he refuses to heal and stop doing this crap. I don't know how to get out, just that I'm going to start here and now taking more action (therapy, more boundaries, less habitual responses, etc.) and hope for the best. Please pray for me.
I’m just a stranger on the internet, but Zawn’s writing helped me leave, and you can too. It’s been a few months now and I am starting to get my health and my happiness back. Stay strong, you can do it.
🥱🤫🤐
You said it! But I fear not many men will actually listen. Many will just refuse to recognize themselves in this terrible depiction. But it is the 100% truth. I would also add, does not want sex with someone who cheats on her, lies to her, hides household
money to use on himself, never admits he is in the wrong, never does any self-scrutiny or introspection. All big turnoffs.
Yes!
Agree! And neither do women want sex with someone who simply won’t put any effort into talking with (not at) her and communicating about both the important things and the smaller things, on a sustained daily basis!
Yes, 100%. Each of these could be its own article!
On the topic of mystery, I have often thought about how washing a man's crusty socks for decades on end will eventually erode desire and interest. How many men have to maintain sexual desire for their wives after dealing with her filthy clothes the same day?
And wiping their pee puddles off the floor that are NEAR the toilet.
“Remarkably, women can talk, so we don’t have to speculate about what they want. We can ask them.” This is one of the best things I’ve ever read. Who knew!!
I think a fairly large hurdle to get over (and I have no idea as to how) is that the narrative porn sells men is very different. Also, far too many men seem to have no real grasp on how porn-sickness has affected their perceptions and lives.
I hope your articulate and thoughtful message can reach a wide audience. Thank you!
Yep when a man acts like over grown child and treats you like their mother/ household servant it is NOT sexy.
Expects to be mothered, then throws 'you are not my mother' criticisms regularly
Utter brilliance! Thanks again, Zawn.
It’s both laughable and depressing that men need this spelt out to them in this way. All of these things are such BASICS to simply being a nice and kind human. It’s horrendous how many men simply aren’t. And on top of that, they don’t even believe they have a problem.
Mason paid for my Substack so he could leave a bunch of angry comments here. "I'm big mad that women want men who don't stink and can make them orgasm and I'm going to pay you to tell you how mad I am" is...not the flex he seems to think it is.
Something my husband always did was wait until I was lying comfortably in bed reading and scooch up behind me and try to shove it in.
On other occasions, he'd gently rub my back, moving slowly down to grope me elsewhere. This sounds really nice and might have been enticing if I hadn't already told him how tired and ill I was or said no.
The worst part is that he was never affectionate outside of being turned on. I could tell he wanted sex by the way he spoke to me or if he waz in a nice mood and eventually those things became actual turn off's for me.
I tried for 25yrs to give him sex when he wanted it, and obviously it wasn't good. I now have significant trauma from giving in, forcing myself to do things that I hated. I moved out almost a year ago and I can't even take care of my own needs because of it. I feel panic if I start to feel turned on, because it was used against me for so many years.
Please don't let anyone do this to you. When you realise that sex is a problem, seriously think about how bad it can get and put yourself first.
"The worst part is that he was never affectionate outside of being turned on." This part right here. I bet this is how it is in for so many relationships, I certainly have experienced this from almost every single man I've ever been in a relationship with, it's like a begging dog, extremely off putting! The other is performative affection, where they're trying to make themselves look like they're great partners, but only when other people are around.
This needs to be printed out and handed out to every man
How many women do you know who don't do domestic labor, sexually assault their partners, and never make their partners orgasm?
I goodness I wish this article was free content because I want to send it to every. Single. Married. Woman. I know. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Very helpful thanks!
Whoa. The whole part about excitement and how men keep having it in monogamy because they actually don't know what's going to happen (because they're not involved) and how women are bored in monogamy because nothing changes for her.
Every woman I know is working on herself and has a partner who is not.
I was the most sexual woman ever. Until years of most of what you describe absolutely annihilated any feeling of safety, peace or connection, destroyed comfort and life progress, ensured ever-present exhaustion, wrought unspeakable stress, and made me feel like a vending machine. I'm still a sexual being, I just never get to experience it, and neither will he, because he refuses to heal and stop doing this crap. I don't know how to get out, just that I'm going to start here and now taking more action (therapy, more boundaries, less habitual responses, etc.) and hope for the best. Please pray for me.
Update: my adrenals crashed. It's bad. I had to block him on everything. There are many ways to take a person down. No thanks, I want to live.
I’m just a stranger on the internet, but Zawn’s writing helped me leave, and you can too. It’s been a few months now and I am starting to get my health and my happiness back. Stay strong, you can do it.
Thank you, and go you!
I miss him, but I missed myself more.