This, like so much of your work, was revolutionary. Is there anything to be said on heterosexual partnerships and driving? I noticed recently this trend of calling women "passenger princesses" because men seem to be the default drivers when paired up. But it feels like there's more covert control and gender stereotypes at play here (and as a mom, we all know that the passenger is a nonstop flight attendant).
Omg thank you so much for this. I have known this for years. It's so obvious in our relationship that I choose to drive the majority of the time. I hate riding with no m him too. He yells, tailgates, brake checks, and threatens people all with his family in the car. Heaven forbid he tries driving in a big city he's unfamiliar with too. He can't ever remember which direction we turned in from and defaults to asking me which way to go. Just add this to one more thing placed on me to handle like an adult. The scale will never be even.
Hey Zawn, just fyi there’s a small typo in the second to last paragraph- ‘rape an abuse’ instead of ‘and’.
Thank you for another great piece. My partner stops short all the time and while I don’t mind him driving on a road trip or other distances where I have pain issues due to my EDS, I hate short distance driving with him with a lot of stopping. How he hasn’t ever rear ended anyone is something of a miracle - or even more likely HE gets rear ended because he stopped suddenly and then gets shoved into the car in front of him because he’s way too close 🤬
I know anecdotes aren't data, but I even see the difference in trauma victims. We get countless men, young and old, drunk driving who rolled their car/motorcycle/truck/ATV/whatever and hurt themselves or others pretty badly. They're also usually a pain in the ass--rude, non-compliant, and even combative.
In the last few months, the only female driver I've had in a bad wreck was an older teenage girl who lost her brakes on the family's ancient minivan. So not even her fault. Poor thing had a broken pelvis and was very patient the entire time as we worked on her.
Thank you thank you thank you for writing this! For some reason I have always been incredibly sensitive to these sorts of jokes about women drivers. It always seemed unfair and illogical, but definitely affected my own sense of driving ability, get this, even though I learnt to drive manual, on an industrial work site, on an island, surrounded by men, reverse parking and in stupidly tight car bays since I started, also offroading and not getting stuck even 1/10th as often as any of my friends (even in a much less 'capable/equipped' vehicle), I ride motorbikes as well (less recklessly than anyone I know!) AND I STILL get comments about driving and women drivers in general from people that assume or are just idiots. It literally drives me up the wall (ha-ha). And if you say anything at all to defend yourself, you seem like you are incompetent. 🤬🤷🏼♀️ It's exhausting. I've just started learning to fly as well and don't even get me started on the misogyny there. Thanks for the vent.
Yes to all of this!! More and more I’m wondering how on earth men ended up in charge when they are so incompetent. Like seriously.
Im 100% a better driver than my hubby. Once a car was about to reverse into us and I was in the passenger seat. I said “toot your horn! TOOT the horn! TOOT THE HORN!” And he just panicked and stopped right by the reversing car and didn’t toot the horn. Fortunately the reversing car stopped just in time, but I was shaken and hubby couldn’t understand why I was so angry about it. Like I literally told him what to do to keep us safe and he didn’t do it.
This is absolutely fascinating! Ug and it also makes me so mad. My husband also loves to check his phone. I’d be curious if men are more distracted drivers, even though people (and cops! Love to say women are always on their phone). One of our therapy sessions involved his driving. He follows very closely, is a late braker, and frequently misses turnoffs but would get pissed if i asked him to give more space or where to get off the freeway. The therapist (amazingly - the first man we ever saw who totally called my husband on his shit and so now we don’t see him anymore ...) listened to my husband say he was a great driver, and then said that wasn’t what we were talking about. We were talking about my feelings as a passenger. He asked if leaving more room was something he could do. Period. Can you slightly change your driving? Like, would it be at all possible? My husband grudging said yes. It was the biggest success story of therapy. And i think the only one.
Oh and also he apparently fell asleep at the wheel a couple times when he was younger. More than once! Idiot.
Another commentor mentioned the passenger. If the man is driving then he doesn’t have to take care of this other passengers, hand out snacks, put on music or an audible book, etc. i think this is the second reason men prefer to drive. When i am a passenger i also take care of the kids in the back. I also do a lot of the driving and my husband feels no obligation, or worse, gets butt hurt and cranky when i hand him the food bag for a long car ride and tell him to help out. God why am i still with this guy. It’s so depressing. I’m starting to research an exit plan.
You know this issue also matters in cases of parenting issues and child custody issues. Sometimes the protective parent may be make fun of or made to feel like they are overreacting when it comes to being worried about their male partner driving too fast, careless or reckless with the children in the car. Based on this data it shows that men or more likely to get into accidents and allow children not to wear seat belts or ride outside of their carseats. It's totally ridiculous and dangerous.
I wonder how many accidents or near accidents happen because these “men” are gawking at women. I don’t know how many times was almost went off the road or hit mailboxes because my first husband was straining his eyes and neck to see the hot girl jogging on the sidewalk or trying to catch up to the hot girl in the car next to us.
My Dad told me about a car accident he had decades ago, he was rear ended by an older man who admitted he was “distracted by the pretty girl” walking down the street. So gross.
My husband hit a curb with our car while my daughter was with him. Ruined the axle or something and we spent hundreds of dollars on the repair that we couldn’t afford and was a ton of money back then. I’m assuming it was a girl that distracted him. We didn’t have smart phones then.
I know it’s purely anecdotal, but I’ve had two accidents in my life and both were caused by distracted men. The first ran up the back of me, and before he made impact I saw him in the rear view mirror looking down (phone I guess, he was 18). The second was when I was on my way to work, driving a road I have done my whole life. A bus went through a stop sign and T-boned me, wrote off my car and gave me severe whiplash down my spine. I thought I was a goner. The driver admitted to me, in his state of panic, that he was distracted and “didn't notice” me. 6 months of physio/rehab 😒 but yes, women are the emotional, vacuous, morons on the road 🙄
Not to mention the wear and tear from driving like this…new brake pads and tyres being needed on the car well before they should be due…. oh but it’s the cars’s fault, not his!
Thank you!
This, like so much of your work, was revolutionary. Is there anything to be said on heterosexual partnerships and driving? I noticed recently this trend of calling women "passenger princesses" because men seem to be the default drivers when paired up. But it feels like there's more covert control and gender stereotypes at play here (and as a mom, we all know that the passenger is a nonstop flight attendant).
Oh my god. Nonstop flight attendant is so accurate.
Omg thank you so much for this. I have known this for years. It's so obvious in our relationship that I choose to drive the majority of the time. I hate riding with no m him too. He yells, tailgates, brake checks, and threatens people all with his family in the car. Heaven forbid he tries driving in a big city he's unfamiliar with too. He can't ever remember which direction we turned in from and defaults to asking me which way to go. Just add this to one more thing placed on me to handle like an adult. The scale will never be even.
Hey Zawn, just fyi there’s a small typo in the second to last paragraph- ‘rape an abuse’ instead of ‘and’.
Thank you for another great piece. My partner stops short all the time and while I don’t mind him driving on a road trip or other distances where I have pain issues due to my EDS, I hate short distance driving with him with a lot of stopping. How he hasn’t ever rear ended anyone is something of a miracle - or even more likely HE gets rear ended because he stopped suddenly and then gets shoved into the car in front of him because he’s way too close 🤬
I know anecdotes aren't data, but I even see the difference in trauma victims. We get countless men, young and old, drunk driving who rolled their car/motorcycle/truck/ATV/whatever and hurt themselves or others pretty badly. They're also usually a pain in the ass--rude, non-compliant, and even combative.
In the last few months, the only female driver I've had in a bad wreck was an older teenage girl who lost her brakes on the family's ancient minivan. So not even her fault. Poor thing had a broken pelvis and was very patient the entire time as we worked on her.
Thank you thank you thank you for writing this! For some reason I have always been incredibly sensitive to these sorts of jokes about women drivers. It always seemed unfair and illogical, but definitely affected my own sense of driving ability, get this, even though I learnt to drive manual, on an industrial work site, on an island, surrounded by men, reverse parking and in stupidly tight car bays since I started, also offroading and not getting stuck even 1/10th as often as any of my friends (even in a much less 'capable/equipped' vehicle), I ride motorbikes as well (less recklessly than anyone I know!) AND I STILL get comments about driving and women drivers in general from people that assume or are just idiots. It literally drives me up the wall (ha-ha). And if you say anything at all to defend yourself, you seem like you are incompetent. 🤬🤷🏼♀️ It's exhausting. I've just started learning to fly as well and don't even get me started on the misogyny there. Thanks for the vent.
Yes to all of this!! More and more I’m wondering how on earth men ended up in charge when they are so incompetent. Like seriously.
Im 100% a better driver than my hubby. Once a car was about to reverse into us and I was in the passenger seat. I said “toot your horn! TOOT the horn! TOOT THE HORN!” And he just panicked and stopped right by the reversing car and didn’t toot the horn. Fortunately the reversing car stopped just in time, but I was shaken and hubby couldn’t understand why I was so angry about it. Like I literally told him what to do to keep us safe and he didn’t do it.
This is absolutely fascinating! Ug and it also makes me so mad. My husband also loves to check his phone. I’d be curious if men are more distracted drivers, even though people (and cops! Love to say women are always on their phone). One of our therapy sessions involved his driving. He follows very closely, is a late braker, and frequently misses turnoffs but would get pissed if i asked him to give more space or where to get off the freeway. The therapist (amazingly - the first man we ever saw who totally called my husband on his shit and so now we don’t see him anymore ...) listened to my husband say he was a great driver, and then said that wasn’t what we were talking about. We were talking about my feelings as a passenger. He asked if leaving more room was something he could do. Period. Can you slightly change your driving? Like, would it be at all possible? My husband grudging said yes. It was the biggest success story of therapy. And i think the only one.
Oh and also he apparently fell asleep at the wheel a couple times when he was younger. More than once! Idiot.
Another commentor mentioned the passenger. If the man is driving then he doesn’t have to take care of this other passengers, hand out snacks, put on music or an audible book, etc. i think this is the second reason men prefer to drive. When i am a passenger i also take care of the kids in the back. I also do a lot of the driving and my husband feels no obligation, or worse, gets butt hurt and cranky when i hand him the food bag for a long car ride and tell him to help out. God why am i still with this guy. It’s so depressing. I’m starting to research an exit plan.
Yes yes and yes to all this. Ugh.
And every man reading this or hearing about these facts takes offence and believes they are the exception.
You know this issue also matters in cases of parenting issues and child custody issues. Sometimes the protective parent may be make fun of or made to feel like they are overreacting when it comes to being worried about their male partner driving too fast, careless or reckless with the children in the car. Based on this data it shows that men or more likely to get into accidents and allow children not to wear seat belts or ride outside of their carseats. It's totally ridiculous and dangerous.
I wonder how many accidents or near accidents happen because these “men” are gawking at women. I don’t know how many times was almost went off the road or hit mailboxes because my first husband was straining his eyes and neck to see the hot girl jogging on the sidewalk or trying to catch up to the hot girl in the car next to us.
My Dad told me about a car accident he had decades ago, he was rear ended by an older man who admitted he was “distracted by the pretty girl” walking down the street. So gross.
My husband hit a curb with our car while my daughter was with him. Ruined the axle or something and we spent hundreds of dollars on the repair that we couldn’t afford and was a ton of money back then. I’m assuming it was a girl that distracted him. We didn’t have smart phones then.
Makes me furious!
I know it’s purely anecdotal, but I’ve had two accidents in my life and both were caused by distracted men. The first ran up the back of me, and before he made impact I saw him in the rear view mirror looking down (phone I guess, he was 18). The second was when I was on my way to work, driving a road I have done my whole life. A bus went through a stop sign and T-boned me, wrote off my car and gave me severe whiplash down my spine. I thought I was a goner. The driver admitted to me, in his state of panic, that he was distracted and “didn't notice” me. 6 months of physio/rehab 😒 but yes, women are the emotional, vacuous, morons on the road 🙄
Not to mention the wear and tear from driving like this…new brake pads and tyres being needed on the car well before they should be due…. oh but it’s the cars’s fault, not his!
Trying to fucking argue with me about whether or not he's too tired to keep driving.