This Labor Day, I propose a bill of rights for caregivers and mothers
Unpaid labor matters, too. And it's vital for the continuation of civilization.
It’s Labor Day again in the United States. For you bizarre creatures unfamiliar with our patriotic, freedom-loving rituals because you live in countries that do not support freedom,* Labor Day is the day we celebrate the contributions of the labor movement, which include the right to unionize, limitations on child labor, and most workplace safety laws.
How, you ask, do we celebrate? Easy! The wealthiest and most privileged get to stay home from work while the working class continues to work for minimum wage so that the more privileged classes can buy things at Labor Day sales.
It’s a beautiful display of freedom.
It’s also a day, like all holidays, on which the unpaid labor of mothers and other caregivers goes unnoticed. For many caregivers, it’s a day of emotional violence from male co-parents who feel entitled to buy their leisure with the suffering and exhaustion of women.
This is labor, too. It’s the labor that is most vital for the continuation of the human species, but which largely goes unnoticed, and which is often treated as unnecessary, trivial, or even selfish.
If we are to build a better world, a stronger labor movement, and a feminist movement that honors the needs and lived experiences of the majority of women, we need a bill of rights for caregivers.
These demands are simple and reasonable. They primarily require only that men stop emotionally abusing and exploiting their partners, and that society stop treating mothers as people who do not matter.
These demands shouldn’t be controversial, but they almost certainly will be:
We have the right to acknowledgement that our caregiving work is work, not something arbitrary we create to distract ourselves, not a sign that we are helicopter parents, and not something we can avoid doing. Someone has to do this work or an entire society suffers.
We have the right to safe working conditions free from all forms of violence, including sexual violence and coercion, physical assaults, and emotional violence.
We have the right to acknowledgment of our expertise. The person who spends the most time with a care recipient (child, elder, or other person) and who does the most work and research to understand that person is the person best equipped to make decisions about their needs.
We have the right to financial compensation for our work. This includes child support, alimony, and other financial awards should our marriages break down. Seeking compensation for years of forfeited wages and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of free labor is not entitlement. It’s the bare minimum.
We have the right not to force our children to spend time with people who abuse them or who are otherwise unqualified to care for them. Joint custody with an abuser is child abuse. Abusers during marriage often insist it is the woman’s job to do the bulk of parenting, then promptly demand 50/50 custody of a child they’ve never bothered to care for or get to know. We have the right to family courts that do not treat our children as property.
We have the right to time off. If we have a co-parent, they must facilitate that time off by mastering caregiving and providing all care so we can rest.
We have the right to be cared for. Expecting a person who is recovering from childbirth, a miscarriage, surgery, or frequently interrupted sleep because of caregiving duties to also do all household and emotional labor is an act of extreme violence and abuse.
We have the right to be treated as full human beings when we are pregnant, birthing, and recovering. This includes a right to control over our bodies and what happens to them, a right to quality medical care, and a right to be free from all forms of abuse, coercion, and assault.
Mothers can’t formally organize into unions and engage in collective bargaining. But we can agree that we will no longer tolerate men who create impossible working conditions for us—even, and especially, when we are also working outside of the home. Because let’s be honest: most mothers work for pay. Most mothers are doing the work of stay-at-home motherhood and working motherhood while their partners (and an entire society) sit idly by and pretend they can’t see.
We can refuse to enter into these relationships. And when we become trapped in them, we can acknowledge them for the abusive traps they are, and scream about it from the rooftops rather than post on social media about how men just can’t be expected to do better.
Birthing and raising the next generation is the original act of labor. Everyone on this planet is here because of a caregiver.
*I shouldn’t have to say this, but this comment is sarcasm. Many Americans earnestly believe freedom does not exist outside of our nation.
As a collective bargaining union employee who pays dues weekly and monthly ;) — I definitely agree with this message! And, yes every person on this planet is here through a woman. Without that, nothing else comes, follows or matters. So, the Jedi mind tricks that are practiced by minimizing and trying to diminish this are stellar. It’s a con. I love this article on Labor Day, women deserve it and rest, too!
I learned long ago through running a business that barter doesn't work because the value of what people are receiving starts to become hidden and taken for granted. So, I started paying vendors who were also clients even if I had to hand the money right back to them. This assured the trade always stayed even and the value evident.
I think this is how the usually uneven barter with the person caring for the home should be treated. It's the only way for equality to be noted.
Of course if tasks are split up, this becomes more complicated.
It might reduce the amount of sexual, physical and emotional abuse, too, but we have a long way to go. Thanks, Zawn, for your work!