Another fantastic article. Thank you so much, Zawn!! What’s-his-name also cried “neurodivergence!” And it was a way of explaining his non-help for 18 years. I am diagnosed with Complex-PTSD (now sometimes called Compound-PTSD) and also ADHD and also extensive vision issues that alone exhaust me. I literally don’t see the world the way “everyone else does.” Anyway, he used terms against me all the time. Sat on his lazy ass all day every day. I am so glad to be rid of him. I look forward to the day when both of my (now-grown) sons never have to contact him again after they both move out.
Even growing up, neurodivergent boys are coddled and neurodivergent girls are just expected to carry on.
My brother has been a holy terror basically since the day he was born. No boundaries, hit and bit other children, punched his teachers, escalated to physical and sexual abuse of me. My mother brought both of us to doctors about our concerning symptoms, and I believe I was correctly diagnosed with ADD (basically the best conceptualization they had of "trauma-induced executive dysfunction" almost 30 years ago) which my mother did absolutely nothing about. I was lucky to get an accurate diagnosis, but it still meant nothing.
My brother got private schools, homeschooling, special school district, extra time on tests, no homework, everything. He even got to go through a program where he earned a GED and his high school converted that into a high school diploma. I eventually dropped out of high school despite extremely high ACT scores because I was too depressed to get up in the morning and go. I had to quietly get a GED, no fanfare, extras or help.
I was expected to do long carpools to pick him up when I am the younger sibling, be pulled out of school because my mom couldn't handle both public and homeschooling, and got a shoulder shrug when I finally needed real academic support in my late teens but the money ran out.
Then they grow up to whine about how everything is so hard for them and their wives have to keep up the same energy their mothers brought.
Somehow, neurodivergent me was expected to handle 100% of everything, while the neurodivergent man couldn’t manage anything (in his case, he’s actually struggling in all areas of his life, including his work and friendships and family, which made it harder for me to set the limits I needed to set - he couldn’t seem to pull it together at all in any way).
Still, my neurodivergent sons can contribute far more to household work than any man I’ve ever shared a home with (including my father in that one). I do hope they grow up to be fair and equitable partners, if they choose to be partners.
Another fantastic article. Thank you so much, Zawn!! What’s-his-name also cried “neurodivergence!” And it was a way of explaining his non-help for 18 years. I am diagnosed with Complex-PTSD (now sometimes called Compound-PTSD) and also ADHD and also extensive vision issues that alone exhaust me. I literally don’t see the world the way “everyone else does.” Anyway, he used terms against me all the time. Sat on his lazy ass all day every day. I am so glad to be rid of him. I look forward to the day when both of my (now-grown) sons never have to contact him again after they both move out.
Even growing up, neurodivergent boys are coddled and neurodivergent girls are just expected to carry on.
My brother has been a holy terror basically since the day he was born. No boundaries, hit and bit other children, punched his teachers, escalated to physical and sexual abuse of me. My mother brought both of us to doctors about our concerning symptoms, and I believe I was correctly diagnosed with ADD (basically the best conceptualization they had of "trauma-induced executive dysfunction" almost 30 years ago) which my mother did absolutely nothing about. I was lucky to get an accurate diagnosis, but it still meant nothing.
My brother got private schools, homeschooling, special school district, extra time on tests, no homework, everything. He even got to go through a program where he earned a GED and his high school converted that into a high school diploma. I eventually dropped out of high school despite extremely high ACT scores because I was too depressed to get up in the morning and go. I had to quietly get a GED, no fanfare, extras or help.
I was expected to do long carpools to pick him up when I am the younger sibling, be pulled out of school because my mom couldn't handle both public and homeschooling, and got a shoulder shrug when I finally needed real academic support in my late teens but the money ran out.
Then they grow up to whine about how everything is so hard for them and their wives have to keep up the same energy their mothers brought.
Somehow, neurodivergent me was expected to handle 100% of everything, while the neurodivergent man couldn’t manage anything (in his case, he’s actually struggling in all areas of his life, including his work and friendships and family, which made it harder for me to set the limits I needed to set - he couldn’t seem to pull it together at all in any way).
Still, my neurodivergent sons can contribute far more to household work than any man I’ve ever shared a home with (including my father in that one). I do hope they grow up to be fair and equitable partners, if they choose to be partners.