I think conversations about body autonomy, sex, consent, birth control, assault, even if uncomfortable aren't conversations parents should opt out of. I agree, calling in back up and reinforcement is helpful, but ignorance or lack of the right script shouldn't be a barrier for completely outsourcing such crucial education. Even when we outsource, we need to check in with what was shared, how it was received etc Ofcourse we can't control everything, but being so removed from the conversation isnt great either.
As parents, we can admit to our kids that we don't know and aren't sure and we can learn together, go to the library, watch videos together and chat about it, listen in to educations or research and discuss.
As you said, it's not a one off conversation, it's one we can weave into every day conversations and should take active steps to increase our knowledge and comfort levels in discissing them.
One of the reasons we know it’s valuable for parents to talk to kids about sex and related topics is that silence instills shame” 👏👏👏
Not only does the silence instill shame, but for many teens it also makes it taboo and something even more interesting because it’s something they’re not supposed to be doing, so then they’re completely unequipped to do it safely as a direct result of the silence 🫠
It’s even more crucial that parents discuss sexual health with their children in states like Montana, where I live, since schools are only allowed to teach abstinence only curriculum 🤬
Also made me think of the last line of my college thesis from 18 years ago that was a comparative analysis of abstinence only programs versus comprehensive sexual health programs in which I wrote “The U.S. must redirect its attention towards the health of our adolescents and protect them with sexual discussion, not sexual silence.”
This article reminds me of the time my daughter, who was about ten years old, was with me when I picked up my birth control prescription. As the pharmacist handed it over, she asked, 'What is that for?' I openly told her, 'It's so I don’t have more babies.' She looked perplexed, so I followed up with, 'Do you want another brother?' Oh boy, the lights went on fast!
I'm the writer: I want to clarify that I spoke about birth control with my kids several times. I was asking a script/advice on a feminist way to talk about birth control. Where I live it is usually considered a girl/woman responsibility and I don't want my daughter to think it's on her only, edpeacially now that she's starting to date boys.
I know someone who, when she figured her son and his new girlfriend needed this talk and she felt uncomfortable about it, lined up an appointment at Family Planning (kind of like Planned Parenthood in the US I guess) for her son and the girlfriend together, and the GP spoke to them both about all the options, and protection from STIs, etc. I thought that was a great idea!
A point someone made recently that really shook me was pointing out that the big conversations about consent normalize girls and women feeling that they *should* be having sex, when many actually wouldn’t want to under the given circumstances if *not* having sex was also treated as normal. (Because having sex is treated as the default, and we are just managing how we have sex, not including as healthy and normal the option of opting out to whatever degree and for any reason.) Given the poor quality of sex most women experience with men, I think I’d emphasize very heavily that women have almost nothing to gain from most sexual encounters with men, and they should never have sex to be normal or get it over with. I think most sex ed fails to instill in girls a sense of how much more they risk than boys, and how its boys typically that gain. He gets pleasure and status, she risks pregnancy, higher rate of STI’s, and rarely orgasms and would rarely have her status improve. We should be frank with girls that sex poses more risks and offers far fewer rewards, and it is wise to be selective and unapologetic about that. I know too many women who’ve had sex because they felt they ought to or had to.
I think conversations about body autonomy, sex, consent, birth control, assault, even if uncomfortable aren't conversations parents should opt out of. I agree, calling in back up and reinforcement is helpful, but ignorance or lack of the right script shouldn't be a barrier for completely outsourcing such crucial education. Even when we outsource, we need to check in with what was shared, how it was received etc Ofcourse we can't control everything, but being so removed from the conversation isnt great either.
As parents, we can admit to our kids that we don't know and aren't sure and we can learn together, go to the library, watch videos together and chat about it, listen in to educations or research and discuss.
As you said, it's not a one off conversation, it's one we can weave into every day conversations and should take active steps to increase our knowledge and comfort levels in discissing them.
One of the reasons we know it’s valuable for parents to talk to kids about sex and related topics is that silence instills shame” 👏👏👏
Not only does the silence instill shame, but for many teens it also makes it taboo and something even more interesting because it’s something they’re not supposed to be doing, so then they’re completely unequipped to do it safely as a direct result of the silence 🫠
It’s even more crucial that parents discuss sexual health with their children in states like Montana, where I live, since schools are only allowed to teach abstinence only curriculum 🤬
Also made me think of the last line of my college thesis from 18 years ago that was a comparative analysis of abstinence only programs versus comprehensive sexual health programs in which I wrote “The U.S. must redirect its attention towards the health of our adolescents and protect them with sexual discussion, not sexual silence.”
I highly recommend https://amaze.org/parents/ as a resource for anyone having these conversations with young people.
This article reminds me of the time my daughter, who was about ten years old, was with me when I picked up my birth control prescription. As the pharmacist handed it over, she asked, 'What is that for?' I openly told her, 'It's so I don’t have more babies.' She looked perplexed, so I followed up with, 'Do you want another brother?' Oh boy, the lights went on fast!
I remember a similar conversation about ten years ago involving condoms.
I'm the writer: I want to clarify that I spoke about birth control with my kids several times. I was asking a script/advice on a feminist way to talk about birth control. Where I live it is usually considered a girl/woman responsibility and I don't want my daughter to think it's on her only, edpeacially now that she's starting to date boys.
I know someone who, when she figured her son and his new girlfriend needed this talk and she felt uncomfortable about it, lined up an appointment at Family Planning (kind of like Planned Parenthood in the US I guess) for her son and the girlfriend together, and the GP spoke to them both about all the options, and protection from STIs, etc. I thought that was a great idea!
A point someone made recently that really shook me was pointing out that the big conversations about consent normalize girls and women feeling that they *should* be having sex, when many actually wouldn’t want to under the given circumstances if *not* having sex was also treated as normal. (Because having sex is treated as the default, and we are just managing how we have sex, not including as healthy and normal the option of opting out to whatever degree and for any reason.) Given the poor quality of sex most women experience with men, I think I’d emphasize very heavily that women have almost nothing to gain from most sexual encounters with men, and they should never have sex to be normal or get it over with. I think most sex ed fails to instill in girls a sense of how much more they risk than boys, and how its boys typically that gain. He gets pleasure and status, she risks pregnancy, higher rate of STI’s, and rarely orgasms and would rarely have her status improve. We should be frank with girls that sex poses more risks and offers far fewer rewards, and it is wise to be selective and unapologetic about that. I know too many women who’ve had sex because they felt they ought to or had to.