I was in your shoes a few years ago and believe me I get it. You have to realise that you’re a good person who deserves the best life can offer. Your current situation can never give it to you.
It only feels impossible because you are demoralised and exhausted. I’m here to tell you that you have to do this for you, your children and your future self. No ifs no buts. Wait until it becomes unbearable if you have to (I did), but know that staying s not an option.
Gather some supporters to keep you sane and to encourage you when things get tough. Don’t let older relatives persuade you you’re wrong.
Make a plan and set a date to leave. Use that intelligence to save yourself years of future agony and disappointment.
Why do you think you would pay him child support? Is it reasonably foreseeable that if you leave him, he will have an equal or greater amount of parenting time than you? Because I am a divorce lawyer, and child support isn't just determined by "who makes more money." I would definitely recommend talking to an attorney in your area and going over the possible outcomes based on different amounts of Him Taking Responsibility for the kids before you resign yourself to "if I took the kids and left, I'd have to pay him."
Also, if this is something HE has told you, remember that he is your adversary in this situation and he's not going to give you information that would help you to leave him. He likely either doesn't know WTF he is talking about or is telling you nonsense on purpose to convince you that you "can't do better." Don't let him.
you are hella smart, competent, and capable. I don't know how you get out of this, but I think there's got to be a way. I'm sorry. He's such a fuck head. I have been there. I crawled out with a spoon. And the courts in California have not been easy for me to navigate. The whole thing feels like it's setup for punishment. Our joy, dignity, and worth remain.
Teacher Lady, call the Texas State Bar and see if you can get referrals for family law attorneys that offer free consultation. I'm in Oregon, but our state bar will give you 3 names per phone call for free. If you want more names you have to hang up and call back (some statutory requirement no doubt) but the benefit of going through the bar is that you know the attorney is in good standing, properly insured, and has enough of a reputation that the bar feels comfortable giving out their name in a certain specialty of law. Nothing against the online forum, but the law is not a place for "galaxy-braining." There are also a lot of mitigating circumstances it sounds like that maybe a calculator wouldn't take into account, but a skilled attorney would know from their years of practice.
Good luck! I hope whatever happens you find a way to keep your husband from being such a drain on your vitality and hope!
LIberating Motherhood has a great piece about "Quiet Quitting" your marriage - it's a strategy for when you're ready to leave but can't (yet). The idea is to save your sanity, find some relief from this man, giving you some air to figure out a way out.
I was in your shoes a few years ago and believe me I get it. You have to realise that you’re a good person who deserves the best life can offer. Your current situation can never give it to you.
It only feels impossible because you are demoralised and exhausted. I’m here to tell you that you have to do this for you, your children and your future self. No ifs no buts. Wait until it becomes unbearable if you have to (I did), but know that staying s not an option.
Gather some supporters to keep you sane and to encourage you when things get tough. Don’t let older relatives persuade you you’re wrong.
Make a plan and set a date to leave. Use that intelligence to save yourself years of future agony and disappointment.
Good luck.
Why do you think you would pay him child support? Is it reasonably foreseeable that if you leave him, he will have an equal or greater amount of parenting time than you? Because I am a divorce lawyer, and child support isn't just determined by "who makes more money." I would definitely recommend talking to an attorney in your area and going over the possible outcomes based on different amounts of Him Taking Responsibility for the kids before you resign yourself to "if I took the kids and left, I'd have to pay him."
Also, if this is something HE has told you, remember that he is your adversary in this situation and he's not going to give you information that would help you to leave him. He likely either doesn't know WTF he is talking about or is telling you nonsense on purpose to convince you that you "can't do better." Don't let him.
you are hella smart, competent, and capable. I don't know how you get out of this, but I think there's got to be a way. I'm sorry. He's such a fuck head. I have been there. I crawled out with a spoon. And the courts in California have not been easy for me to navigate. The whole thing feels like it's setup for punishment. Our joy, dignity, and worth remain.
Teacher Lady, call the Texas State Bar and see if you can get referrals for family law attorneys that offer free consultation. I'm in Oregon, but our state bar will give you 3 names per phone call for free. If you want more names you have to hang up and call back (some statutory requirement no doubt) but the benefit of going through the bar is that you know the attorney is in good standing, properly insured, and has enough of a reputation that the bar feels comfortable giving out their name in a certain specialty of law. Nothing against the online forum, but the law is not a place for "galaxy-braining." There are also a lot of mitigating circumstances it sounds like that maybe a calculator wouldn't take into account, but a skilled attorney would know from their years of practice.
Good luck! I hope whatever happens you find a way to keep your husband from being such a drain on your vitality and hope!
Attorneys are expensive, but weigh that against your peace of mind and happiness. I think you’ll find it’s a necessary cost. Get an appointment today.
LIberating Motherhood has a great piece about "Quiet Quitting" your marriage - it's a strategy for when you're ready to leave but can't (yet). The idea is to save your sanity, find some relief from this man, giving you some air to figure out a way out.