Spirituality/self-help influencer red flags

Harmful self-help influencers are quickly colonizing feminist and leftist spaces. Here's what you need to watch out for.

People are trying to sell you wellness, health, and enlightenment. This is not a surprise. In a capitalist society, we all have to make a living. Wisdom is hard-won. Writing demands time and expertise. Teachers deserve to be compensated for their work. But far too many self-appointed teachers, gurus, experts, and spirituality leaders are doing harm.

I know, because I see the broken after-effects of their work. Feminism is rapidly being colonized by alternative spirituality influencers. These fake experts pretend that patriarchy is something we can will our way out of. They insist that the problem lies in women’s brokenness and inadequacy rather than the culture that forever tells us we are not good enough and must serve men’s needs at all costs. They tell women that the right mantra can help them cope with abuse, that enlightenment requires them to forgive (read: tolerate and not push back on) everyone.

These self-described leaders reinforce the status quo and encourage people to blame themselves for their own abuse. They view world transformation as an individualistic undertaking rather than something that demands radical political change and community. But to someone seeking answers, the promise of a cure for it all can be intoxicating.

No one can possibly know everything. Consulting an expert—or even just a friendly-seeming outsider—can help us transform ourselves, our lives, and our communities. But trusting someone else to guide you is an inherently risky undertaking that demands skepticism.

Much like the initial rush of infatuation in a romantic relationship, the euphoria of promised spiritual enlightenment can suspend critical thinking. By the time you come back down, you may have wasted time and money, and lost much of yourself.

Knowing the red flags is critical. Before following someone’s teachings, look out for these warnings.

Being a spirituality influencer, guru, guide, or teacher

The more I see of the world—its beauty, its awfulness, its wonder—the more I become convinced that I have no idea what all of this is. I understand the impulse to understand it all, but the truth is that the universe is far beyond anything we could comprehend. It’s bigger than us, and we have no idea what, or who, if anything at all is pulling the metaphorical or literal strings.

Here’s the hard truth: Seeking spiritual guidance, especially paid spiritual guidance, makes you extraordinarily vulnerable to exploitation. And the more time you spend in spiritual circles, the more you’re exposed to (and come to normalize) the word salad and empty concepts that make you even easier to manipulate.

The only thing I know for certain is that our most sacred duty in life is to love and care for others in whatever way we can. Spend less time trying to find a spiritual teacher, and more time doing that. If you do, you may begin to notice that many self-aggrandizing “spiritual teachers” do almost nothing for others, and are solely focused on elevating themselves.

As a contrast (and evidence that I’m not anti-spirituality), Beth Berry of Revolution From Home certainly has some spiritual ideas, and she sprinkles them into her content. But she does not claim to be any sort of guru or spirituality expert. She sits with her followers as an equal in the muck of life, holding their hand and attempt to wade together into something better. Look for someone who does the same.

Centering of a leader rather than an idea

Does the person refer to themselves as a guru? Does a page encourage you to follow the person rather than the idea? Hero worship suppresses critical thinking, and makes people more willing to endorse harmful ideas from the hero. Moreover, when a person is the sole focus, this discourages questioning them and their ideas.

Some red flags to look out for include:

• They never share wisdom from other experts, and their ideas often flout expert consensus.

• Criticism is aggressively suppressed.

• The leader is the focal point of the movement. They are depicted as a genius, a world-changer, as someone who understands it all.

• The page prominently features many images of the leader. These images are often engineered to convey a certain idea. For example, there might be lots of photos of them looking enlightened or spiritual.

• The leader is framed as the answer to all problems.

For example, the Revolutionary Communist Party attracts a lot of people with radical politics, even though it is not the same as communism. For decades, this organization has centered a leader, Bob Avakian, as a cultish hero with an answer to everything. The organization ignores pushback from anyone and everyone who has any critique of Avakian.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with liking or admiring a leader. Most movements have leaders. The problem arises when the leader, not the work, is the center of the movement. Clementine Ford is a great example of a good leader, who centers the work instead of herself. She is very much a character on her own page. She shares about her life and ideas, and sometimes posts photos. She has a strong, clear perspective, and pushes back hard when people post offensive content. But she frequently elevates others’ ideas, accepts critique and pushback, features experts on other topics, and admits when she doesn’t know something. She also makes clear that the focal point is feminism (and anti-colonialism, anti-racism, etc), not her.

The main ideas aren’t clear—or are behind a paywall and a lot of marketing speak

There’s nothing wrong with charging for your work. I do it, and so do most of the writers, speakers, and experts I know. But people have to know what they’re getting.

A hallmark of aspiring cult leaders and scam artists is that they obscure their main message. Anyone who has spent 10 minutes on my Facebook page can give you five sentences telling you what I believe. With scam artists, the beliefs are less clear, and you’re often required to pay to learn much of anything at all. This tactic preys on the most vulnerable, the most desperate, and the most easily swayed—the precise people cult leaders and scam artists want to draw in.

On Teal Swan’s page, for example, at least half of the content focuses on various retreats and workshops she’s selling. This marketing content often features enticing taglines suggesting that this one retreat will change everything, teaching attendees everything they need to know to live a better life.

If that were the case, she wouldn’t need to sell multiple retreats.

Moreover, most of her page features a lot of empty quotes and spiritual jargon without a clear thesis statement. Taken together with the constant attempts to sell the main idea, this is a significant red flag that her primary goal is profiting off of the desperation of readers.

Completely empty, meaningless content

A lot of self-help coaches and gurus trade primarily on aesthetics. They package themselves just right, project the right demeanor, and then babble some empty nonsense.

This dude is a perfect example.

He tells us that suffering isn’t life. Suffering “just is,” and it’s what happens when we resist life. This means absolutely nothing. It’s also incredibly dismissive of the real and inevitable suffering of life. Is the parent grieving their dead child resisting life? Really? How does one stop resisting life? Come the fuck on, bro.

We cannot escape suffering, and anyone who suggests otherwise—especially by way of a nonsense word salad—does not have your best interests at heart. Notice, though, how this video is really about aesthestics. About his appearance, his calm and “enlightened” demeanor. If you’re desperate enough, you just might fall for it.

An answer to everything

The more you learn, the more you realize how little you actually know. As an example from my own work, I am painfully aware that in a patriarchy, there are no easy individual solutions for abusive marriages and exes, and that often all I can advise people to do is sit in the muck, acknowledge the shitty reality, and find a way to make it slightly less shitty.

Not all problems have solutions.

And even when problems are solvable, there is no one on this planet who has a solution to everything. Any organization or leader who asserts they never make mistakes, claims that their system can solve any problem, or who claims to understand everything that can go wrong in a human life is scamming you. There are no exceptions to this rule.

Often, these organizations will tell you to invest more in the cult to get the next all-knowing solution.

Treating others badly

People who have truly accessed some deeper meaning about the world do not treat others badly.

Do you see the person denigrating others? Silencing them or shaming them? Abusing those who want to leave the movement? Accumulating wealth and giving none of it back?

Then they’re not a leader. They’re a grifter.

Educating people to do things they have never done

My pretend children were so much easier to raise than my real ones.

My fantasy life as a writer was much more perfectly organized than the real profession I’ve occupied for 15 years.

My time spent fantasizing about a philosophy degree was enriching, filled with thoughtful banter and kind people, while my real education involved a lot of bullshit.

With very few exceptions, to fully understand something, you have to do it yourself. Don’t hire someone who purports to have expertise on something they’ve never done.

The male “thought leader” who thinks work-life balance is easy has a stay-at-home partner who makes it easy, but he takes all the credit.

The childless guru who insist that all children will sleep if you implement a single, universal system has clearly never met an actual human child.

Ask for proof that a person has successfully done what they promise to help you do. Otherwise, there’s no evidence that their system works.

Selling systems that don’t work

A hallmark of spirituality and other scams is that the systems don’t work. In spite of this reality, users become progressively more convinced that the ineffective systems actually are working.

It works like this.

Say you want your partner to participate more equitably in household labor. We’re seeing an influx of scammers promising they can help you achieve this. You buy the system, but it doesn’t work. What it does do, however, is make you feel validated and heard, which causes you to believe in the power of the system. Maybe your case is an especially hard one, or you’re just bad at it.

So you buy the next system, which instead of solving the problem, just further convinces you of the power of the system. You keep buying more. Maybe you pay for personal time with the guru. This can go on for years.

If you’re not seeing changes, it’s a scam.

In another variation of this scam, the fact that the product makes a person’s life worse is used as evidence of its effectiveness. If people get angry at you or leave you, it’s a sign that they don’t understand the One Truth. If you lose money, it signals that you’re being tested. Cults want to isolate you, and often use that isolation as evidence that you should become even more invested.

Insisting that any failure is your own fault

True leaders understand that there is no cure-all for every problem. I, for example, have written extensively about why there is no easy solution to household labor inequity. A wide range of progressive organizations admit that progress is slow, unpredictable, and unsteady. Quality therapists understand that a person’s social location matters at least as much as their individual commitment to change.

Grifters will tell you that, if their system fails, it’s your fault. You just implemented the system imperfectly. They cannot admit that the world is complicated, and that nothing and no one can solve every problem. And they’re loath to admit that we each occupy different rungs on the power and privilege ladder, which can affect the outcome of any personal improvement project.

Readers, I’d love to hear some additional warning signs that you think might be helpful. Please share in the comments!