Thank you so much for this. I've been married for 6 months and ever since I've been married I've been fatigued, unmotivated and depressed due to all the housework overload my husband and my stepdaughter are bringing. I've looked at a series of articles about this and all they say it's my fault, I'm being abusive for complaining, "husbands are sloppy, it's ok", and so on. The truth is they are cynical, they know what they are doing and they are abusing us by using our labour and our time, getting all the work done at our expenses. I can't help but think that if I don't walk away from this marriage now things will get worse.
I feel ya. Went through weaponized incompetence 30+ years ago.
I first left him after the first year but then went back to him. HUGE mistake. Abuse does escalate with time and can spread to other areas of life like sex, finances, etc.
You are not irrational to complain. You have every right to communicate the inequity to your family members and how it affects you and your relationship with them.
I don't want to tell you what to do but I left my partner after 4 years of living with him and I don't regret it one iota, my only regret was going back to him after that first year.
At first I thought I was living with a depressed partner. I made all kinds of accomodation for him. Gradually I realised I was living with an abusive misogynistic alcoholic partner who was using the word depression as a justification for his drinking, for the unequality and ultimately for all the abusive behaviours.
I encouraged him for so long to to seek treatment for depression. He eventually did when I gave him a deadline for his promises. But the therapy, the antidepressants, it actually havent helped at all.. Because he was still drinking.. And was still abusive and refusing to take any kind of accountability for anything "because he was depressed" and thought he deserves a free pass for basically anything because of that.
I'm so glad someone finally called out what it is intentional labor inequity is absolutely abuse. I went through this sh*t many years ago. I left him after 4 years of living with him. That was 30 years ago but looking back on it now, I wished I left after the first year.
If you're going through this, if you are able to leave, LEAVE, it will suck the life out of you.
Thank you so much for this. I've been married for 6 months and ever since I've been married I've been fatigued, unmotivated and depressed due to all the housework overload my husband and my stepdaughter are bringing. I've looked at a series of articles about this and all they say it's my fault, I'm being abusive for complaining, "husbands are sloppy, it's ok", and so on. The truth is they are cynical, they know what they are doing and they are abusing us by using our labour and our time, getting all the work done at our expenses. I can't help but think that if I don't walk away from this marriage now things will get worse.
I feel ya. Went through weaponized incompetence 30+ years ago.
I first left him after the first year but then went back to him. HUGE mistake. Abuse does escalate with time and can spread to other areas of life like sex, finances, etc.
You are not irrational to complain. You have every right to communicate the inequity to your family members and how it affects you and your relationship with them.
I don't want to tell you what to do but I left my partner after 4 years of living with him and I don't regret it one iota, my only regret was going back to him after that first year.
I thank you for your validating words.
I wish more people would write about this.
Many women suffer in silence because “that’s just how men are”. In some cultures it is more acceptable.
At first I thought I was living with a depressed partner. I made all kinds of accomodation for him. Gradually I realised I was living with an abusive misogynistic alcoholic partner who was using the word depression as a justification for his drinking, for the unequality and ultimately for all the abusive behaviours.
I encouraged him for so long to to seek treatment for depression. He eventually did when I gave him a deadline for his promises. But the therapy, the antidepressants, it actually havent helped at all.. Because he was still drinking.. And was still abusive and refusing to take any kind of accountability for anything "because he was depressed" and thought he deserves a free pass for basically anything because of that.
He became an ex partner.
Congrats. I too have an ex partner who pulled this crap too.
I'm so glad someone finally called out what it is intentional labor inequity is absolutely abuse. I went through this sh*t many years ago. I left him after 4 years of living with him. That was 30 years ago but looking back on it now, I wished I left after the first year.
If you're going through this, if you are able to leave, LEAVE, it will suck the life out of you.