I don't think it's at all a coincidence that this is also Nurse's Week and all I'm getting on my timeline is more romantic bullshit about how "caring" and "compassionate" and "superhuman" nurses are--all while I have phone conversations across the nation with nurses who have nuclear-level PTSD on the level of combat veterans from COVID-19 and hospitals are STILL abusing the shit out of us.
Women and AFAB people are literally *not allowed* to have trauma, sadness, agony, pain, fatigue, needs WHATSOEVER. And I'm getting fucking tired of it. We need a general strike for those of us with uteruses--yesterday.
I’ve thought the same thing the past couple of years. I also was helping the PTA set up for teacher appreciation week and a 5th grade girl saw us in the lounge and asked what we were doing. I told her and she asked “is it teacher appreciation week because it’s near Mother’s Day”. I told her what a great observation she made and it’s very likely why we appreciate female dominated professions this time of the year. She’s already a great feminist at 11 years old!
I noticed it (the Mother's Day/Teacher Appreciation Week thing) too. I realized it at the Open House that occurred on Thursday, in the middle of Teacher Appreciation Week because I was overwhelmed with trying to figure out how to do something for my mother, stepmother, and myself, when I realized I had not done anything for my son's teacher...and while I was being berated by the bd via text for not letting him come have a vacation weekend in my home.
My husband is working🫠 his schedule played very beneficial for him that he works this weekend..and has off Fathers Day. So yet another year of me celebrating by myself.
I got lucky—i set up something with my mother and his last weekend because they knew he would be working, and as our family lives 3 hours away, there is NO way I was driving in a car for 3 hours by myself with a 10mo old and a 6 year old. So I made our family visit them last weekend so I wouldn’t be forced to do shit this weekend!
Unfortunately though..I still won’t get even a “happy Mother’s Day” from him, so I decided to just make the whole weekend as special as possible with my kiddos
Well he usually works on Mothers Day. He worked at least half of the Mothers Day throughout our 18 years of marriage including my first Mother’s Day. So planning a getaway would have been with just me and the kids likely which I still find not as bad and disappointing as him. I’ll have the best Mother’s Day next year because I’m going to plan for the kids and I to go away! No more disappointment in him refusing to acknowledge what I do as a mother.
good news (comment was from 2023) our divorce is final as of last week. He
My husband asks me to lay out very specifically what I want to do and no matter how simple I make it he complains the entire weekend about how difficult and overwhelming it is. Next year I think I am just going to book hotel by myself for Mother’s Day.
Actually book hotel by yourself for the whole week and weekend—and don’t meal prep for him or ease the load at all—and then he may get a glimpse of the reality of the work you do every day. I found my ex needed a full two weeks before he understood.
I agree with everything you say Zawn, except when it comes to CPS. CPS isn’t out there deliberately trying to take away children from their mothers, they do everything they can to keep families together and reunify by providing services FREE OF CHARGE to the caretakers, which is usually the parents.
If the children are taken away, it is the last resort and the main reasons are abuse, physical and sexual, neglect, or heavy drug use by the parents or the child being born substance exposed.
Even in cases of the child being born substance exposed, CPS still gives the mother services to get clean so the child can eventually be reunited with the mother.
I worked as a court appointed special advocate for years. This is who advocates for kids in CPS custody. My mother ran an entire CPS department for twenty years. Of course CPS workers aren't out there trying to take children for no reason. Just as police officers and prosecutors don't seem to arrest people for no reason. But we live in a racist, sexist society and it is documented fact that CPS sometimes gets it wrong, with catastrophic consequences for children and families. It would be delusional to assert that CPS does not occasionally make errors in deprivation cases. I've seen these cases myself
Of course they make mistakes, I have family who worked for CPS for years. But keep in mind, CPS is not law enforcement.
I constantly see a lot of negative and often uninformed information about CPS. About how they purposefully try to take kids and separate families which couldn’t be further from the truth.
And of course CPS makes so many mistakes, there have been big scandals in the past involving CPS, but that doesn’t mean it’s always like that. The workers try their best to do the right thing. At least the ones who are good at their jobs and know what they are doing. Unfortunately, a lot of workers quit very soon, it is one of the departments with the highest turnover due to overwork and underpay.
Unfortunately, CPS social workers are overworked and underpaid and the department constantly gets pay cuts or they don’t get any funding, instead diverting the funds to law enforcement so departments like CPS suffer, and then the children and families suffer.
The fact that you "often see a lot of negative and uninformed information about CPS" does not mean that I am spreading such information. I agree with everything you've said here, but it's irrelevant to your original claim, which is that I say that CPS agents are deliberately seeking to take children from their mothers.
Also can you please point to the specific quote where I have ever asserted that CPS is arbitrarily and deliberately trying to take kids? Arguing in good faith begins with not making shit up.
I didn’t say you said any of that, I’m saying how that’s what ends up getting said about CPS by a lot of people. I don’t mean you specifically saying that.
But the quote I’m referring to is when you said that mothers try to fight an unjust CPS system. In the second screenshot you posted. It makes it seem as though CPS is always unjust. But that’s not usually the case.
But yes, I agree with you that they have dropped the ball in many instances. However, they try to help families, especially mothers, reunite with their children. Reunification is more often than not with mothers because mothers tend to be the primary caretakers of children, a lot more so than fathers. A lot of the reason CPS gets called is usually because of abusive fathers a lot more so than mothers. Men tend to be the majority of abusers.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I don't think it's at all a coincidence that this is also Nurse's Week and all I'm getting on my timeline is more romantic bullshit about how "caring" and "compassionate" and "superhuman" nurses are--all while I have phone conversations across the nation with nurses who have nuclear-level PTSD on the level of combat veterans from COVID-19 and hospitals are STILL abusing the shit out of us.
Women and AFAB people are literally *not allowed* to have trauma, sadness, agony, pain, fatigue, needs WHATSOEVER. And I'm getting fucking tired of it. We need a general strike for those of us with uteruses--yesterday.
I’ve thought the same thing the past couple of years. I also was helping the PTA set up for teacher appreciation week and a 5th grade girl saw us in the lounge and asked what we were doing. I told her and she asked “is it teacher appreciation week because it’s near Mother’s Day”. I told her what a great observation she made and it’s very likely why we appreciate female dominated professions this time of the year. She’s already a great feminist at 11 years old!
I noticed it (the Mother's Day/Teacher Appreciation Week thing) too. I realized it at the Open House that occurred on Thursday, in the middle of Teacher Appreciation Week because I was overwhelmed with trying to figure out how to do something for my mother, stepmother, and myself, when I realized I had not done anything for my son's teacher...and while I was being berated by the bd via text for not letting him come have a vacation weekend in my home.
My husband is working🫠 his schedule played very beneficial for him that he works this weekend..and has off Fathers Day. So yet another year of me celebrating by myself.
SAME! As always and still couldn’t anticipate to reserve a brunch time months in advance.
I got lucky—i set up something with my mother and his last weekend because they knew he would be working, and as our family lives 3 hours away, there is NO way I was driving in a car for 3 hours by myself with a 10mo old and a 6 year old. So I made our family visit them last weekend so I wouldn’t be forced to do shit this weekend!
Unfortunately though..I still won’t get even a “happy Mother’s Day” from him, so I decided to just make the whole weekend as special as possible with my kiddos
Yup that is what I do too. I think I’m going to start planning weekend getaways for us on Mothers Day weekend.
For yourself! Why work all weekend? Leave kids with him for once.
Well he usually works on Mothers Day. He worked at least half of the Mothers Day throughout our 18 years of marriage including my first Mother’s Day. So planning a getaway would have been with just me and the kids likely which I still find not as bad and disappointing as him. I’ll have the best Mother’s Day next year because I’m going to plan for the kids and I to go away! No more disappointment in him refusing to acknowledge what I do as a mother.
good news (comment was from 2023) our divorce is final as of last week. He
Congratulations! It is not easy but so great to get your life back!
My husband asks me to lay out very specifically what I want to do and no matter how simple I make it he complains the entire weekend about how difficult and overwhelming it is. Next year I think I am just going to book hotel by myself for Mother’s Day.
Actually book hotel by yourself for the whole week and weekend—and don’t meal prep for him or ease the load at all—and then he may get a glimpse of the reality of the work you do every day. I found my ex needed a full two weeks before he understood.
Zawn, Suzie Orman has now jumped on the bandwagon of the FairPlay manifesto
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/navigating-home-imbalances-tips-finding-balance-suze-orman?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios&utm_campaign=share_via
I agree with everything you say Zawn, except when it comes to CPS. CPS isn’t out there deliberately trying to take away children from their mothers, they do everything they can to keep families together and reunify by providing services FREE OF CHARGE to the caretakers, which is usually the parents.
If the children are taken away, it is the last resort and the main reasons are abuse, physical and sexual, neglect, or heavy drug use by the parents or the child being born substance exposed.
Even in cases of the child being born substance exposed, CPS still gives the mother services to get clean so the child can eventually be reunited with the mother.
I worked as a court appointed special advocate for years. This is who advocates for kids in CPS custody. My mother ran an entire CPS department for twenty years. Of course CPS workers aren't out there trying to take children for no reason. Just as police officers and prosecutors don't seem to arrest people for no reason. But we live in a racist, sexist society and it is documented fact that CPS sometimes gets it wrong, with catastrophic consequences for children and families. It would be delusional to assert that CPS does not occasionally make errors in deprivation cases. I've seen these cases myself
Of course they make mistakes, I have family who worked for CPS for years. But keep in mind, CPS is not law enforcement.
I constantly see a lot of negative and often uninformed information about CPS. About how they purposefully try to take kids and separate families which couldn’t be further from the truth.
And of course CPS makes so many mistakes, there have been big scandals in the past involving CPS, but that doesn’t mean it’s always like that. The workers try their best to do the right thing. At least the ones who are good at their jobs and know what they are doing. Unfortunately, a lot of workers quit very soon, it is one of the departments with the highest turnover due to overwork and underpay.
Unfortunately, CPS social workers are overworked and underpaid and the department constantly gets pay cuts or they don’t get any funding, instead diverting the funds to law enforcement so departments like CPS suffer, and then the children and families suffer.
The fact that you "often see a lot of negative and uninformed information about CPS" does not mean that I am spreading such information. I agree with everything you've said here, but it's irrelevant to your original claim, which is that I say that CPS agents are deliberately seeking to take children from their mothers.
I’m sorry, I did not mean to make it sound like you were saying that. I should have worded my sentences better.
Also can you please point to the specific quote where I have ever asserted that CPS is arbitrarily and deliberately trying to take kids? Arguing in good faith begins with not making shit up.
I didn’t say you said any of that, I’m saying how that’s what ends up getting said about CPS by a lot of people. I don’t mean you specifically saying that.
But the quote I’m referring to is when you said that mothers try to fight an unjust CPS system. In the second screenshot you posted. It makes it seem as though CPS is always unjust. But that’s not usually the case.
But yes, I agree with you that they have dropped the ball in many instances. However, they try to help families, especially mothers, reunite with their children. Reunification is more often than not with mothers because mothers tend to be the primary caretakers of children, a lot more so than fathers. A lot of the reason CPS gets called is usually because of abusive fathers a lot more so than mothers. Men tend to be the majority of abusers.