Yup. I also love being shamed for being angry with the word "bitter." Do we ever call men bitter? We do not. This is another word in the misogynist dictionary, meant to discredit and shame a woman who express anything other than joy at the privilege of living with a man.
I agree with your comment, and would like to add another word that is used against women a lot, and that word is "selfish". My experience with this was in an unhappy marriage to my now ex-husband. Every time I didn't do exactly what he wanted I was "selfish"- never mind that he was far more selfish than I could ever be, or perhaps that was the point- he was deflecting his own horrible behavior onto me.
Took a long time to be OK with being angry, and other "bad emotions" too, now it's good fuel!
Sanne Søndergaard, a Danish feminist, signed my book with: "Dear Charlin, you're not born a feminist, you get angry." That's probably the most true I've ever heard.
You know what would be awesome? A textbook full of answers, lol..
Like, I've been working on "food calm" (horrible translation of "madro", sorry), and being fine with my body too, so I've rehearsed some answers.. Like if someone tells me I'm fat, my good response is: yes, and? Them: it's unhealthy. Me: so? And I kerp it going like that. Or "yes I know". Etc.
I'd LOVE some standard responses for scenarios like anger being used against us and stuff like that, that we can rehearse.
Angry black woman is a great example of a sexist stereotype and label that is constantly used towards black women. Primarily coming from black men. It is especially used to diminish and invalid every thing that is being said. While, we have every right to be angry especially with them. Personally, I don’t mind it, but it becomes an issue when you have to work so hard to not be too angry or too mean in a society and/or situation that already stigmatizes and marginalizes black women disproportionately so.
Because angry women are powerful, they know this. Nothing will push you forward more than healthy anger, with anger you can make incredible things happen, including leaving the men who treat you poorly.
“Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are.”
The thing I struggle with the most is that I have no outlet for my anger that doesn’t have a negative impact on my son. I don’t want him to hear us constantly fighting & I don’t want him to see me lose my temper. He already has enough of that from his father (which of course is perfectly acceptable because men are supposed to be stern). I see the way my son responds as soon as there’s conflict in the house, and I know it isn’t good for him. But nearly 30 years of coercive control has f*cked my brain and every time I try to leave the anxiety kicks in and I can’t do it.
Once again, right on Zawn!
Took me years to learn to be angry and oh how I’m glad I let myself feel it now!
All the applause.
Amen!
Yup. I also love being shamed for being angry with the word "bitter." Do we ever call men bitter? We do not. This is another word in the misogynist dictionary, meant to discredit and shame a woman who express anything other than joy at the privilege of living with a man.
I agree with your comment, and would like to add another word that is used against women a lot, and that word is "selfish". My experience with this was in an unhappy marriage to my now ex-husband. Every time I didn't do exactly what he wanted I was "selfish"- never mind that he was far more selfish than I could ever be, or perhaps that was the point- he was deflecting his own horrible behavior onto me.
Damn how have I never noticed that "bitter" only applies to women?!? Thanks.
Took a long time to be OK with being angry, and other "bad emotions" too, now it's good fuel!
Sanne Søndergaard, a Danish feminist, signed my book with: "Dear Charlin, you're not born a feminist, you get angry." That's probably the most true I've ever heard.
You know what would be awesome? A textbook full of answers, lol..
Like, I've been working on "food calm" (horrible translation of "madro", sorry), and being fine with my body too, so I've rehearsed some answers.. Like if someone tells me I'm fat, my good response is: yes, and? Them: it's unhealthy. Me: so? And I kerp it going like that. Or "yes I know". Etc.
I'd LOVE some standard responses for scenarios like anger being used against us and stuff like that, that we can rehearse.
Angry black woman is a great example of a sexist stereotype and label that is constantly used towards black women. Primarily coming from black men. It is especially used to diminish and invalid every thing that is being said. While, we have every right to be angry especially with them. Personally, I don’t mind it, but it becomes an issue when you have to work so hard to not be too angry or too mean in a society and/or situation that already stigmatizes and marginalizes black women disproportionately so.
Because angry women are powerful, they know this. Nothing will push you forward more than healthy anger, with anger you can make incredible things happen, including leaving the men who treat you poorly.
“Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are.”
― Augustine of Hippo
That is so much more empowering than the damn Serenity Prayer. That feels so much more congruent to me.
The thing I struggle with the most is that I have no outlet for my anger that doesn’t have a negative impact on my son. I don’t want him to hear us constantly fighting & I don’t want him to see me lose my temper. He already has enough of that from his father (which of course is perfectly acceptable because men are supposed to be stern). I see the way my son responds as soon as there’s conflict in the house, and I know it isn’t good for him. But nearly 30 years of coercive control has f*cked my brain and every time I try to leave the anxiety kicks in and I can’t do it.