'You sure sound angry!' How patriarchy weaponizes women's anger
Anger is the rational reaction to oppression. No wonder we're so keen to stigmatize it.
The paradox of anger in a sexist society:
When a man is angry, society views it as evidence of his righteousness. What must have happened to make him so upset? This angry man is strong, powerful, on a mission. We associate great male leaders and activists with righteous, rightful, powerful anger.
When a woman is angry, society views it as evidence that she's crazy. Calling a woman angry entitles us to ignore her. She’s out of control, shrill, unable to control her emotions, hysterical.
Our culture stigmatizes anger in women as irrational, hysterical, an embarrassing and childish loss of control. "You sure seem angry!" is every sexist man's immediate response to feminist discourse. It’s the first thing trolls resort to in their attempts to undermine me.
Anger--including violent anger--in men incurs no such stigma, and many men can't even grasp that their anger is an emotion. This is in spite of the fact that it’s men, not women, whose emotions routinely overcome them, causing them to rape, beat, and even murder.
Why is this?
Women have a lot to be angry about. By stigmatizing anger, we discourage women from expressing their rage, and therefore from seeking a solution to its causes. We subtly instruct them that their problems are due to personal failings rather than societal ones. We teach them always to question themselves, always to wonder what they did to cause their own mistreatment--and to view mistreatment as normal, unworthy of anger.
Communicate better.
Go to couples counseling.
Keep trying.
Improve yourself.
Always look within. Never get angry. Never demand more of him. Never tell him to get the fuck out.
Women have to become comfortable owning our anger at an unjust system. Only then can we properly recognize the personal as political, then come together and demand better.
Your anger isn't a loss of control.
Your anger is the first step to liberation.
Your anger may protect you.
Women’s anger is changing the world. It has always been thus. So don’t let some dingus who smells bad, who can’t figure out how to care for his kids, or who doesn’t know what the clitoris us shame you for your anger. You’re entitled to it. It’s your right in an unjust society.
Get mad so you can make things better.
Yup. I also love being shamed for being angry with the word "bitter." Do we ever call men bitter? We do not. This is another word in the misogynist dictionary, meant to discredit and shame a woman who express anything other than joy at the privilege of living with a man.
“Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are.”
― Augustine of Hippo